Christmas in the Country....

Our Bridge in Erwinville from Uncle Tommy's to MoMo's house....all decorated for Christmas...

MoMo's Christmas Tree......

Cuban Coffee.....Christmas style :)

Me pushing Timothy on his new rocking horse that Leandro and I got him for Christmas! :)

Dad and Penny in front of MoMo's tree on Christmas Eve....

Merry Christmas! I hope your Christmas was as wonderful as mine! I hope you enjoyed a few of the pictures I posted from last night and today!

I had the most wonderful day and last night too! I got a fancy smancy Kitchenaid mixer from Dad and Penny which I intend to put to good use very soon. Also, Santa brought me a chimanea...which I can wait to use too!

Merry Christmas and lots of love from my heart to yours!

Love,

Erin

That Spirit of Christmas....

Christmas is the time of year......

Yesterday was the most wonderful day! My mother and I took Timothy to get his picture taken with Santa Clause at Bass Pro. It has been years since my mother and I did anything like that together. It was so wonderful being able to share that with her. It makes my heart smile so big with Christmas-ie goodness. I feel so blessed. What a wonderful gift to be able to have a day like that with my mom.

Timothy is such a blessing to all of our hearts! I am so happy and thankful for him! He is such a good baby! He didn't even cry when we gave him to Santa....he just looked up at him. :)

Look at the pictures I posted.......look at my mom's smiles!!!!!! She never smiles!!!!! Timothy can bring out a smile in anyone.

This made my whole Christmas! I am trying not to cry when I type this...... I am just so happy... what beautiful memories we made yesterday.....I will never forget......that spirit of Christmas I felt.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Erin

A Steamy Cup of Coffee....and a blog

Good Moooooorrrrrrrnnnnnningggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg! and Happy Sunday! I am enjoying my steamy cup of coffee and blogging away this morning. I have lots to do to get ready for Christmas next week.

I still have some more gifts I need to make and I need to wash some clothes etc.... Also, I want to watch a Christmas movie today! :) One thing that I am really excited about is the gift I got my Dad! I got him the cast iron chicken fryer that he has been wanting ever since he saw mine. It was kind of expensive, but I don't care! I told Leandro I would gladly give up anything I would be getting for Christmas in order to get this gift for my Dad! I guess that's a good thing since we are not getting each other anything this year for Christmas! LOL

I think Leandro was going to get me a little something but the extra money we had went to the fryer. That is the best gift in itself though! My Daddy has done so much for me this year and has been there for me and has been so supportive........my Christmas wish is to get something really nice for him....so I am so happy and soooo excited!!!!

On a different note..... the picture I posted is a picture of my coffee this morning in the new festive Christmas cup my Mom picked up for me at LeBlanc's supermarket. She is so sweet sometimes. I worry about my mom a lot. I hope that she enjoying the holiday season as much as I am. She seems to be......but sometimes it's hard to tell.

OHHH and yesterday I got all the things that I am going to need for Christmas Day. I am cooking a honey baked ham, macaroni and cheese casserole, and a peach cobbler. I am going to do all the cooking on Christmas Eve! I am sooooo excited!!!! I don't care that I can't eat any of it, LOL I just like to cook it.

So do you wanna know our Run Run Rudolph Christmas dine and dash schedule? LOL

So here it is:

It all starts Christmas Eve............

Christmas Eve Morning:

Cooking all day for Christmas Day.....ham, casserole, desserts......wrapping last minute gifts.....cleaning house

Christmas Eve Evening:

6:00 PM leave for Erwinville..........be in Erwinville for 7.....leave Erwinville for home at 12:30......arrive home at 1:30 AM

Christmas Day:

7:30-Wake up Take showers

8:30-Leave for the In-laws house

9:00-Open gifts with the in-laws and have breakfast as a family

11:30-Leave the in-laws

12:00- Arrive at Maw and Paws house for Christmas Lunch/and gift exchange

2:30- Leave Maw and Paw's

3:00-Arrive and Cj and Jen's for Christmas dessert/gift exchange

4:30- Leave Cj and Jen's

5:00- Arrive at Dad and Penny's for gift exchange

8:00-Leave Dad and Penny's

8:30- Arrive at Buita's for Christmas dinner/ gift exchange

12:30- Leave Buita's

1:00-Home

Day After Christmas:

Christmas with the Morgan's at the In-laws house

I know that looks like complete madness........and IT IS! But it's soooooo much fun! It's like an adventure. It feels just like the movies...lol

We might go to the first house where everyone is bitching and in a horrible mood....but then the next house people are singing Christmas carols....it's just sooo full of surprises...you never know what to expect! LOL

I can't believe we are going to FIVE places on Christmas Day! LOL How exciting!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Erin

Stocking up......

So I am about to leave to go to my mother's house and then I am off to Winndixie in Walker to go grocery shopping for Christmas.....AHH madness! LOL

I hope it's not as bad as this picture I found on Google. I am smiling right now but angry holiday crowds can sometimes get to me. Perhaps if I think of it as more of an adventure than a chore......LOL

Leandro just brought me a warm cup of coco.....mmmmm.....perhaps I should think of that when I get frustrated! LOL

Merry Christmas Madness Sat.!!!!!!!

Love,

Erin

Today's events....

So after I stayed awake until 2 AM this morning baking my mother a happy 50th birthday cake, I went to bed feeling accomplished and ready for today. I woke up in a great mood and decided I wanted to surprise my mother with her cake.

So, even though I am not supposed to be able to drive until tomorrow.....I drove over to my Mom's to surprise her! She looked so cute! We hung out all morning until it was time for me to leave and come back home to get ready for my interview at Aero.

I got all cute-zied up and was ready to go. Leandro drove me out to the mall even though he wasn't feeling too good. When I got to the store they said the manager I was supposed to talk to had left for lunch...... or to shop for Christmas...... or some legal stuff. I got told three different things, LOL

One of the employees at the front of the store finally just told me to go and talk to the other manager. When I told him who I was he called the store manager and talked to her on the phone for a while and then came back and asked me if it was OK that she call me later on tonight for a phone interview. I said sure....then peaced outta there.

The manager was supposed to call me at six, but never called. This is the second time that the manager has rescheduled my interview, not to mention she didn't call. I think I am done with this place.... it seems wishy washy.......

Unless she eventually calls me with something worth my while, then I am just going to pass on this one. I came home from the mall and sent out about six more applications online, so hopefully one of them will work out.

Other than the manager not calling.....I had a fantastic day! I got to get out of the house, even if it was only for an hour or so. Tomorrow is going to be great because I can drive again and I am going to run the roads all day in celebration lol.

I am going to go and see Ashlie and give her the Christmas gift I have for her and then I am going to all my favorite craft stores!!!!! YAY!!!! I am so excited!!!

Job Interview...

OK so tomorrow I have a job interview at Aeropostale for a management position. I don't really want to go back to retail, but if I get the job..... at least it will be something until I find something better.

I look at it two ways...... if I get the job then that means good pay and benefits, and DISCOUNTS!!!! YAY! lol

If I don't get the job then I don't have to work in retail again or drive way the hell out to Bluebonnet or fight rush hour traffic.......

So the way I see it........ it can only be a win win :)

Wish me luck either way!

Love,

Erin

Happy 28th Birthday Stephen!

This looks like a cake that Stephen would have loved. He always claimed he never cared for sweets too much, but we all knew how much he loved candy! lol

I miss him greatly and think of him often! Leandro and I always says "What would Stephen say?" hahah maybe we should make the bracelets or something WWSS? If we did that then we would all be in trouble.... lol

Well, I am up at 2 am on this Wed. morning thinking about my dear friend and how I wish he was here so I could celebrate his birthday with him.

Stephen,

You are frequently in my thoughts, but forever in my heart...... Happy Birthday!!!!!

We love you!

-Erin

A Relaxing Bath....

So, when it is 26 degrees outside like it is this morning....all I can think of is taking a long hot relaxing bath......and then getting out and getting bundled up and sipping hot coco. Unfortunately, I can't do either of these because of my diet and incisions! Grr!

I guess thats OK..... I sure do miss my baths the most. I am hoping when I go back to see Dr. Leblanc he will say that it is OK to at least take a hot bath! I can live without the hot chocolate.....but a bath too???? He's pushing his luck with me! Not really...... he's awesome!

I am hoping that it will snow here soon because I want to get some great pictures of it. I don't think it is going to. At one point the weather channel was saying it was, but then it never did. I may take some pictures today just because...... I love taking pictures and I haven't since New York and New England in September. :)

Drumroll please...........*****BIG NEWS*****

Sooooooo I am starting a third blog!! Yes Blog number three!!! This blog will be entilted......

CRAFTS AND CARTWHEELS =)

I am super excited about this blog because I have been a huge reader of crafting blogs for ages now and find that they offer so many creative inspirations that I decided to join what appears to be a party!!!!!

So I just created my new blog .........

here is the link:

http://craftingcartwheels.blogspot.com/

feel free to come and check it out and look for the first post to go up tonight and the first crafting tutorial to show up sometime tomorrow............

hugs and kisses!!!

-Erin

Post-Op Friday

Soo.....no! I am definitely not looking sexy after my surgery LOL! My right hand is still very swollen from the IV and I am still pretty uncomfortable. Although, my incisions look to be healing really well, (there were six total) I am still feeling pretty yuck. From what I can understand the worse is continuing to be behind me and now I am slowly moving on to a better future.

According to my doctors I will not feel like myself until about two weeks post-op, and right now I am only four days post-op.

However, I must say everyday seems to be better than the last.

So this is my diet for the next eight weeks..........

Phase 1: 1-2 days post-op only clear liquids

Phase 2: last for 2 weeks and includes everything from phase one including full liquids like yogurt, and sugar free pudding etc.

Phase 3: last for 2 weeks, includes everything from Phase 1 and 2 and soft foods like baby food etc.

Phase 4: last for two weeks, includes all previous phases and includes pure-aide foods

Phase 5: all previous phases and start back on regular foods avoiding heavy starches like bread, and rice, and pasta until 6 months post-op

As you can see my journey has really just began...... its still a long road to recovery.

Christmas Memories

Merry Cajun Christmas! Ya-Eeeeee! LOL

I am excited about Christmas coming up in three weeks... even though I am broke and have no money, I don't even care! It won't break my Christmas spirit! =)

I love a Cajun Christmas! It just melts my little heart..... seafood gumbo....bonfires.....fireworks....and of course friends and family! My heart is smiling so big right now just thinking about that warm and fuzzy feeling that Christmas brings.

It's supposed to snow on Wed or Thurs of this week! I can't belive it! I just posted a blog the other day saying how I didn't think it was going to snow this year in Louisiana. That just goes to show you.... you can never predict the weather in Louisiana.

I am having such a wonderful Christmas already......

Yesterday, my mother in law and I went to Zeas to have lunch with Judy, Donna and Julie. Then, we went to a holiday cooking and decorating class. Later that evening, Leandro and I went to the CVS party at Kyle and Jill's house in Greystone..... wow what an amazingly fantastic day!!

Today, Ashlie came over and we ordered a pizza, drank wine and beer...then made homemade chocolate chip cookies and coffee. I am smiling so big typing this thinking about how much fun these last two days have been. I can hardly wait to find what tomorrow will bring......

Tomorrow, I have a job interview at Aeropostale and then I have to get ready for my surgery on Tues. I am excited!

AND........AND.......my Dad is actually in the Christmas spirit early this year!!!! I know.... I can't hardly believe it myself! He actually put lights up around the house and his tree. I talked to him yesterday and the neighborhood Christmas parade was coming down the road as we talked on the phone and he sounded so excited like a kid again. Penny was at the road taking pictures of Santa Clause. How cute!!! I swear it doesn't get much better than my Daddy!! He's the best!!!!

Christmas time always make me think of the magic of Christmas when I was little and my favorite Christmas. I ask everyone I know "What is your favorite Christmas memory?" The reason I ask everyone this is because not only does it make my heart melt its the way they look when they are describing it. You can see that person going back to that place in their heart! Penny told me about her favorite Christmas and tonight Ashlie told me about how she got the 3ft teddy bear once and she remembered the excitement in her heart when she saw it under the tree, and she wrote a poem to her grandparents for Christmas one year and when she read it to them they all shared a special Christmas moment of joy and love.

I love Christmas! Bottom line! LOL

So Merry Christmas to you and if you are reading this I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas filled with love, and special memories that you will keep in your heart forever.... what a gift, I must say.

With love and Cajun Christmas hugs and kisses

-Erin :)

Baby it's Cold Outside.......

Well baby it's cold outside...... It seems like it's getting colder by the hour. How exciting!! Christmas is:

http://www.xmasclock.com/

21 days away if you decided against viewing the Christmas clock. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner, and my surgery next Tuesday. I am starting to feel the stress of the two being weeks apart of each other. It just seems as if everything is crammed into this month. It's sort of funny if you think about it. I have more coasters to make before Tuesday for people who placed orders, I am half way through my Christmas list, I have a job interview on Monday, and surgery on Tuesday. LOL It's December madness!! Also, I am trying to quit smoking which makes me a little on the crazy side.

On a more peaceful note.... I don't think it's going to snow this year for Christmas. I wish it would! The snow makes everything look so beautiful! I can just picture myself all wrapped up in my warm clothes and big scarves with a huge cup of coffee and a crochet blanket sitting on the porch watching the snow flakes fall. Ahhhh.... that sounds so nice!

Well, I have a lot to do today. I need to get the house ready for my surgery and get some things together to mail out. I need to make a sympathy card for Penny's aunt who just lost her husband :( and I have a freezer bag of pecans that were picked at MoMo's that I want to mail to Aunt Kay and Uncle Brian.

So happy Friday!!!! I hope you have a good day and a nice weekend!!

hugs and kisses!!!! xoxoxo

Erin :)

Need to Vent......

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got off the phone with my mother, and as usual I want to pull out all of my hair now. I just called her this morning and invited her over for a cup of coffee and to visit. It's as simple as a "yes I can" or a "no I can't." But no....... not with my mother.....things are never that simple. It's almost noon and she still can't give me a yes or no.

I don't even care anymore. That is why I never call and invite her over because we always spend hours on the phone all day and ultimately around 4:00 PM she calls back and starts apologizing saying she's not coming. Sometimes I don't even know why I try with her.

I know she loves me, but she doesn't care about anything if it doesn't involve her, Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim or Timothy. Every time I talk to her she wants to know when Leandro and I are going to have babies. She has no interest in our lives besides that.

I guess it just hurts my feelings. Last night we went over to my in laws house and visited with my mother-in-law for hours. I am so grateful for her. I didn't want to leave but we had to because Leandro had to be at work early this morning.

,I wish my mom and I could have a relationship like that. Every time I am around my mother she just talks about her and Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim and Timothy for hours. That's all she wants to talk about.

My surgery is December 7th and she "wrote it down" but I know she won't be there or even come to see me once I get home. Even though I am aware of this I still have a tiny inkling that tells me she will be there, but I try not to think about that because I know I am just setting myself up for disappointment.

I feel like an asshole. LOL I really do because part of me is like "Erin! you should be ashamed of thinking that way that is your MOTHER." the other part of me is like "Who gives a shit about her, she is a selfish bitch who was never a mother to you."

I am sooo confused. I try over and over again trying to be a good daughter and try and accept her for who sh is but it doesn't work. I find myself getting stressed out when I am around her. She doesn't call me very much and when she does she leaves messages on my voicemail that says shit like "I was wondering if you could come over and cook me some soup" or "I tried to call Katy but can you bring me some cigarettes I am out and don't feel like leaving the house" or "can you baby sit Timothy today, I didn't sleep last night." She leaves messages like this after not speaking to me for weeks or even months at a time. When I call her and if she even answers she immediately ask me
"can I call you back I am _________ <- insert random thing here."

Leandro tells me to just leave her alone and I do but then I feel guilty. I don't know...... I guess I just need to vent it out......

Random Thoughts.....

you know.... I was just thinking...... sometimes I just can't stop thinking and thinking. I feel like I have so much to think about..... all the time. I feel like there is so many things to think about that I will never have time for them all.

Today on this beautiful Sunday I am typing this blog from my grandparent's house, as my grandmother watches the Catholic Mass on TV and my grandfather reads his paper and sips his coffee. I sit here in front of their computer.....thinking.......

I remember when my family and I used to live in Hot Springs Arkansas. It so so beautiful there at this time of year. Perhaps I should plan a road trip in February of next year? It would be nice to experience Arkansas once again. Leandro has never been. It would be nice to show him where we used to live and where I played.

One thing I like about this weather is that sometimes early in the morning there is a cool refreshing breeze. I wish we had mountains or a Forrest around here that I could get lost in, and take in the early morning air. Or perhaps a stream I where I could soak my feet in the days evening.

I went to the park last week and the day was so nice. I bought a picnic basket today so Leandro and I can picnic on Wed. or Thurs. when he's off. Every time I pass North Park I see those tennis courts and think about the time Ashlie and I played tennis for like four hours in the rain. That was a good day!

You know something else I have been thinking about lately..... is drugs. It seems like almost every person I know is on some sort of drug like; anti-depressants, pain pills, pills for sleep, pills for wake, pills to be happy, pills to make you concentrate, pills to settle you down, pills to make you loose weight, pills to have a baby, pills to prevent from having a baby..... and on and on and on. I am so sick of people telling me about all of their pills and how they have to have them. I'm not really talking about blood pressure pills and such, but like mental pills!!!grrrsdfklasdkljfasldjfasldjflasdfjlasdkjfalskjflaskdjflaskdjflaskjflasdkjflaksjdflasdlfasjdlfasjdlfjasldfjasldfjlksjdflaskjdflasdkjfls <----- me going crazy!!!!!!! LOL

Doesn't anyone experience life anymore the way it's intended to be experienced? I feel like people have to self-control or discipline, not that I'm an angel.... I have my own demons tar-ust me! lol

It just saddens me...... I feel like I am one of the only people I know that's not on any pills. When I go to the doctor and they ask "Current medications?" I always say "Advil?....." I guess I'm just lucky... I dunno

I talked to my Dad again today. I am so thankful for our close relationship. I saw my mother today too when I left Maw and Paw's. She still hasn't been to see them. I went by Mom's because I was passing by and I didn't have the heart to pass her house without stopping. She just makes me sad sometimes. She has no interest in me at all. I just wish that she was as interested in me as she is with Katy. She always says over and over that she's so sorry that she never calls me and what not and it has nothing to do with Leandro and I not having kids, but I know that's exactly what it is because she says it over and over and I have never once brought that up to her.

I miss my mother! When she says things like that it hurts my feelings and I just close my eyes and remember what she was like when we were really little. I remember how she helped us dye eggs, and how she would play games with us, and in that one second while she is talking saying things that hurt me I am thinking of all the wonderful memories of her and that way by the time I open my eyes all I can do is smile and think about how much I love her.

I just wish for once while she was talking to me I could just look at her in the face without having to close my eyes and just smile. ...........

Well.....I guess I've have got out everything on the surface of my mind for now........ :)

Two Points for Honesty!

So, I haven't blogged in some time....... I am WAY over due! LOL

OK....so what's new....

Short Version:

Well I went to New York and New England, came back from New York and New England. Had a fight with my insurance company. Changed Doctors. Resolved issues with my insurance company. Felt Happy. Felt Sad. Felt Inspired, and Inspired someone. Got dressed up for a night on the town, stayed home on a Friday night. Started watching Grey's Anatomy for the first time. Got the sniffles and took some Zyrtec. Took my Dad to the airport, slept at the hospital with my grandmother, made soap, and cooked steak and shrimp for Josh when he was in town. Had a daiquiri, wine, and a bloody mary after a tough day. Made home made vegetable soup, thought about making cookies but decided against it. Went to the park, picked pecans and painted skull mask with Kaden. Got some new jeans, threw out some old jeans. Went to the film festival and witnessed a fight. Drove to my Dad's and had visions of when I was a little girl, felt sad again, then happy. Talked about how much I loved the weather changes to everyone I saw. Dressed up like a clown to surprise my grandmother at the hospital, made oatmeal soap for CJ. Mailed a letter, emailed a letter. Danced with my cats. Little miss disappeared for two days but now shes back. Broke into a vacant apartment. Maw had surgery. Joanie had surgery. Cj had surgery. Stole my mom's vacuum but plan to bring it back. Watched a Saint's game. Watched an LSU game. Watched part of an Alabama game. Cooked dinner for Nick. Jacob spent the night. Stayed up too late and went to bed too early. Went to the Mall, ran into John. made Stephen dead jokes and got invited to a Halloween party. Waxed my eyebrows. Thought about blogging but didn't until now. Saw my cousin Shelly and Jamie too. Went to Petco and pet kittens. Thought about dying my hair but didn't. Got offered two manager jobs but declined them for now. Thought about previous jobs. Found some new music. Experienced some old music. Ate too little and felt sick. Ate too much and felt sicker!

Well, WOOOOO! LOL That about covers it for now. Did you get all that? LOL

Big Hugs and Kisses from my heart to yours!

Love,

Erin

Falling Head Over Hills for the Fall Season!!!!

The Fall is almost among us! I am soooooooo excited! Fall is one of my favorite seasons!!! So many things to look forward too....... leaving the windows open to catch the Fall breeze.... the beautiful colors around us....Halloween....picking a pumpkin and pumpkin pie......wow, I am in love already!!

I can not wait!!!!!!! I want it here now, LOL! Starting off the Fall season is the Manhattan Short Film Festival on October the 1st! I am really looking forward to this, we went last year and had too much fun!

I have a lot of decorating ideas for the Fall this year as well. I can't wait to get started! I think I am going to get some pumpkins and decoupage them for inside and outside. Kaden will love that project!

Also, a new thing to look forward to this Fall is TIMOTHY'S 1st BIRTHDAY on NOVEMBER 17th!!!!!!!!! That little man is getting so big, so fast! He is so precious!

It's still hot out....... but before you know it in a flash it will turn into a cool breeze! :)

HAPPY FALL SEASON!!!!!

Home again.....

MGMT was our theme music for our road trip :)

So.....I flew back in to the "Big Easy" last Sunday night........ it sure does feel nice to be back home!

I had such a great trip!!!! Here a just a handful of pictures from my trip to New York and New England.......

This was Josh and I's secret spot that we discovered in White Mountain National Forrest in New Hampshire. It was so breath taking...........

This was taken in White Mountain National Forrest as well......can you see how exhausted we were from driving all night with no sleep?! I had circles under my eyes..... LOL it was so worth it though!!!!!

This was take on the Brooklyn Bridge in New York....

This trip to NY and New England was truly and adventure!!!! I had so much fun and have memories that I will look back on forever! This trip really made me realize how much I miss Josh! I wish we still lived next door to one another and saw each other everyday! He is my soul mate........ we are the same person LOL

How I miss him so much already...............but other than that......it's nice to be back home!

The soundtrack of your life....

(Last night Josh and I were talking about songs that would be on the soundtrack of our lives.... this song would be on mine.... I don't know what it is about this song..... it just makes me smile over and over again.... I love it)

Today is DAY 3 in NEW YORK!!!! I am having such a fabulous time!!! Josh and his friends have treated me so very kindly!!! I am having so much fun, but I am missing my love!

We had so much fun!!!! We went to Times Square again....it's so beautiful there! We walked through Central Park and I got to see Strawberry Fields! I got to see Rebecca Breaden again and we all had a drink.

I miss Leandro so very much, but I am having such a great time. Today we are going to Coney Island and I am going to ride the hundred year old Cyclone wooden roller coaster...yikes!!!! I am also going to ride the Ferris Wheel and try and take some pictures at sunset!

Tonight, will be my last time in the city during this visit but that's OK, because then there is New England and New London later this week. There is supposed to be a hurricane, but we shall adjust our plans accordingly.

Portland, Maine...

So, In two more days I am leaving for New York. I am also very excited about touring New England! I am excited about Boston....but I think I am mostly excited about seeing Portland, Maine. That is where Josh and I are going to be staying at.... and I must say...it looks so incredibly beautiful!

I would love to retire in Maine...... it definanteley looks like my type of plac

I am so excited...... there are so many places I want to see...China, Spain, England, Ireland,e where I could see myself living. France, Italy, Rome.......so many more.

Next year Leandro and I are going to try and make it over to Spain...or take a tour of Europe. I wish traveling didn't cost so much LOL

In New York....where dreams are made of...

So my trip is in 3 days!!!! I am so excited!!!! This is pretty much what Josh and I have decided...

Tues-> I fly in and we plan to spend the night around town on Long Island

Wed-> Manhattan and Coney Island in Brooklyn!!

Thurs-> Manhattan, lunch, teas, rice pudding, and watching Mosque fights lol

Fri-> headed to New England driving all night to Portland, Maine (lobster in Maine and staying in Portland)

Sat-> Experiencing all of New England, and driving back to Long Island

Sun-> The beach at Montauk in search for another Montauk Monster LOL and back to JFK for 8:30 to catch my flight back to LA

I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were always on my mind....

You were always on my mind...... even though this is a song about romantic love.... there is somethings in this song that make me think of Stephen. It makes me cry when I hear it.... wishing he was still here so I could tell him whats on my mind........ I guess today is just one of those days..... I haven't had a bad one in a long time.... but today is hard. I just can't stop thinking about how much I love and miss him! It still hurts so bad at times.....

I feel blessed with every dream I have of him...where we are laughing and smiling, but waking up is the hardest part. I wake so sad.... wanting to cry.....I just want to hug him so tight and tell him that I love him so much!!!

I wish he was still here! I know it's OK to be sad sometimes...... and it's OK to miss him..... I just hate days like this.......it hurts my heart!

So....... I thought I would write a letter to him..... to get it out.

Stephen,

I can hardly describe how much I miss you! Sometimes I feel so weak....... I am taking your advice and enjoying life...I just wish you were here to share it with us. I am going to New York in about 8 days and I can't help but think that you were so excited for the next time we visited New York you were supposed to be by our sides.

I miss you begging me to cook you "anything but fish" and coffee together..... nagging me to go to TCBY.... sharing music.....our talks....when you said you loved me.....and hugged me.... I miss you Stephen! I miss you really bad! I wish you were here with me..... I think about you expressions the mostly....and you smiles.... I miss those the most.

Things are really going well for us....... I just wish you were here to see it! I left a Yohoo at your grave site...I hope that doesn't count as littering.... I bought two one for me and left one for you....just like old times...

I like to think Leandro and I got the best of you during your short time here...... I am so grateful for that, and I cherish those memories and moments. I guess I just wanted to say....you are always on my mind...... and I love you so very much!! I will bring you back something from New York and leave it at your resting place.....I know it's not the same but it's the best I can do..... I love you! I miss you!

Love Always,

Erin

New York New York!!!!!!!!!

Start spreading the news........

New York!!!!!!!!! Here I come again!!!! I am going to New York again in two weeks!!!!!! I fly out Tues August 31st at 9:50 AM on a non stop flight via Jet Blue and will be arriving in New York at 1:45 PM! from there I will take the air train from JFK airport to Ronkonkomo where Josh will be picking me up! :)

I am so excited!!!! I will be there for five days!!!! Leandro will be in Destin on his guys trip with his Dad and all of his brothers. So it will just be me and Josh... I will miss him but at least Josh and I will have some one on one time. It's going to be a blast!!!

While we are there Josh thought it would be fun to drive up to Boston for a night and then head to Maine to wine country and kayaking in the Hudson!

So on this trip I will be able to see New York again, Boston, Maine, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Connecticut! :)

It's so weird how things work out sometimes! LOL

When I get back then I will have my surgery and then Josh will be back here for a week long visit Sept. 25th.

This will be my first time flying by myself and it's only my 4th time ever flying. I am not worried! I am more excited about it than anything! I am going to take LOTS of pictures!!! I am going to try and post some blogs while I'm there too! This will be my first time flying Jet Blue which I heard is one of the best airlines to fly. Last time Leandro and I flew American Airlines and I was not impressed to say the least lol

In the mean time I guess I need to try and get everything ready here at home for when I have my surgery since I will be out of commission for about a week.

Wish me luck!!!! (Blows big kiss)

:)

I've got the world on a string.........

I thought this song was quite appropriate for how I am feeling right now. I am having surgery in about a month.....and I may even have a job interview before the end of the week or the beginning of next week!!

One of the locators I used to work with called me today and told me about a possible job as a recruiter for ITT Tech Institute. I really hope I get it because it's double what I made at UtiliQuest and if I decide to attend school there it will be almost free!!! :)

What better news..... Even if I don't get it I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but overall I am pretty excited! Either way.... I'm still happy!! The first thing that came to mind when he called was "Awwww and just when I thought they all forgot about me" The second thing I thought was "Uh Oh that Steven's school nemesis! LOL"

From what I can gather ITI despises ITT lol, but hell I didn't go there so it doesn't bother me any! LOL

I'm doing it for me.........Cha Cha Changes!! VSG!

Well.....I started this blog about my new low-carb lifestyle..... and before that it was "eating clean." I finally got fed up with failed diets and the stress and heart ache of being overweight, PCOS symptoms, infertility, and overall discomfort.

So what did I do.......... I sought a medical professional. I went to my seminar with Dr. Bellanger yesterday and there is where I learned about vertical sleeve gastrectomy or GSV, and how it opens a window of hope for women like me who have PCOS. The symptoms of PCOS after surgery eventually disappear...... this was all I needed to hear!!! My heart sank into my chest as I started to cry in the doctor's office. For so long I didn't feel like a real woman because of PCOS. It makes me feel ugly and unwanted, even though I know my husband loves me and wants me. It's not about him....... I feel like the PCOS prevents me from being the woman that I know I am.

All the symptoms of PCOS:

Obesity

Infertility

Irregular periods or heavy periods

Unwanted facial hair

This surgery fixes ALL OF IT except for the facial hair thing but I got rid of that issue a while ago...with my fancy smancy waxing kit LOL

I am so excited!!! My life will never be the same! I will never be fat again, or have to worry about missed periods and take Metformin every single day of my life just to keep the symptoms at bay!!!! This surgery will be the greatest gift I ever give myself!!! I am crying write now writing this! A chance to be normal....... :)

The surgery takes approx. 50 minutes and is done by Laparoscopy. Here is a short video showing how the procedure is done:

Yes, they will be removing a portion of my stomach........ it seems intense but it's OK. I was a little freaked out at first but I am OK now. This was definitely a decision that I made on my own for myself. I am choosing this, and I am happy for me :)

So please be my friend..... and give me your support through this :)

Love you!!

Good Riddance!!!!

Baby you can drive my car.....Baby you can have my car....it's a POS! LOL

Well, I started writing this blog a few days ago so I thought I would go ahead and finish it now.

Leandro and I finally sold that POS Honda Civic. The irony is that is that we sold it back to the same crooks we bought it from in the first place. Karma is a bitch for sure....LOL

But seriously...... this is what I mean by Good Riddance!

So many things have changed in my life in the past few months! I got laid off from my job, we sold the car, I am finally having that surgery I need, we got rid of the truck, I taught my cats to "shake," I wrote a children's book, and from what I gather UtiliQuest will be closing it's offices in Louisiana effective November 1st. It seems so strange to me how things turn out sometimes.

I am glad I got laid off from UtiliQuest. I enjoyed working there so much and have memories that will been in my mind and in my heart forever, but in the end I am glad it happened. I am finally making time for myself and snapping out of the same monotonous routine and concentrating more on myself and my dreams. Overall....... I feel really happy! I feel happier now then I have been in a long time and I am having "the time of my life!" I plan to live every day not as my last....but as my first...reinventing and discovering myself all over again.

So it was a good run........but good riddance UtiliQuest.....time to welcome a new time :)

Whoop Whoop Wee.... Happy Birthday to me........

I started writing this blog on my birthday, but never finished it.....so I will just pick up where I left off.

On July, 22 I turned 27. So much has changed in the last year....in the last few weeks......

I have to say..... for the first time in a very long time I feel happy! I feel thankful for my life.... thankful for being here to celebrate my 27th birthday..... thankful for everything! I would like to think that I will still be blogging at 28 and will come back to this blog and read how my life was at 27.

So, at 27 my Dad is finally getting the teeth implants that he needed so very much and deserved even more. He is happier now than I have ever seen him. He is enjoying his time off away from work and is finally getting to just take it easy for a little while and relax! I couldn't';t be more happier or proud of him!

Katy and Tim are still struggling financially, but both have so much love for their son that it doesn't seem to bother them too much. Timothy is worth all the financial hardships that come along with him, and in due time they will find there way! Timothy was just baptised this past Sunday into the Catholic Church and it was quite rewarding and such and honor to be appointed to be his godmother and Leandro his godfather.

My mom and I have grown a lot closer. She seems happy! I hope she is....I think she is. I know by Timothy being born lit her up inside and I haven't seen that flame dim at all since his birth. It's like she tries hard to be a better person for Timothy and would do anything for him! I am proud of her!!!

My in-laws are doing good. Lynette is doing so good in school and I ma so very proud.... it takes a lot to go back to school at her age or even after being out of it for so long. She is such a strong woman. I envy her and try to model certain aspects of my life from her. She is a true inspiration!

Laura and I have got a lot closer too. She is my best friend! I am thankful for our wonderful relationship and feel like I can go to her with anything! She is one of the few people I have ever met that I feel truly understands me.

I miss working with CJ at UtiliQuest. I just miss him in general and I am thankful for our relationship! I am going to text him today telling him how much I miss him!! =) He was there in a way I needed him the most. He helped me so much when Stephen died and for that I will NEVER forget. He tried to take the pain away...... I love him so much!

I miss my friends at UtiliQuest..... but now I feel like that chapter in my life is over. I try to think that maybe the lay off was a good thing because I was at a dead end anyway. I have recently talked about working on my dreams instead......photography!

I still talk to Steven Hull almost everyday. He is a true friend to me. =)

Bachus and Juno are getting too big!!! hah hahahah I look at them sometimes and think about the way they would come and lay be me when I was crying when Stephen died and no one was around to hold me. I love them so much!!

I still worry about my brothers everyday. Logan and now Lino and Nick are in Colorado. I am glad for them but I can't help but worry about them on a daily basis....hoping they don't get into too much trouble. Sweet Lu is still here and we just went on vacation together two weeks ago. It's not just a clever name......he is such a sweet-Lu!!! LOL

Maw and Paw are doing good. They came over after Timothy's baptism and we all ate jambalaya and petitfores that I cooked the previous day. It was really nice. I am going to go over there soon and clean there house. I love being around them! =)

Joanie and I have gotten a lot closer too. I love her so much and I am so proud of her and Rocky for doing what they continue to do for Kaden. He loves them so much! Kaden is such a blessing to my heart! He makes me smile even when I don't feel like it. Yesterday I took him to Bass Pro and I told him he could pick out a toy. Once we were walking to check out I said, "you remembered to bring your money right?" He looked back at me and said "Huh? What you talkin bout ain't Erin....your paying for this!" I couldn't help but laugh and just say "I guess I am."

Timothy has the best smile I have ever seen. He looks like my mom a lot when she smiles. He gives me purpose to want to be a better person. I want the very best for him and will do whatever it takes to see that he gets everything he needs in life. We love him so much!

MoMo sent me a birthday card on my birthday where she wrote out the first two lines of Happy Birthday to you...... she is the best!!! She always makes me smile. I received the birthday card the day before my birthday and when I called her to tell her thank you and even though I received it a day which was not my birthday it made my whole day. He response to this was "Well.... if it made your day and made you laugh just read it again tomorrow!" LOL

I am thankful for all my wonderful friends and family. I am truly and utterly just HAPPY! I can not wait for today and tomorrow.......and the next..... and next..... Life is such a wonderful thing! Happy Birthday to me!!!!

The Lay Off :(

Well, yesterday unfortunately, was my last day at UtiliQuest. I miss it already. I was laid off due to "economic hardships." I feel some what lost without being there. I miss the people the most though. Even though they told me that I was a "model employee and did nothing wrong" I feel like I am being punished.

I feel like I did everything they asked me to do and more. I am not angry about it...... I understand. I am just disappointed I guess. I will greatly miss working there. I can't help but think of how it is without me. I miss Steven. He was the one person who truly befriended me when I first started. I am sure I will still see him but it's just not going to be the same. I am really going to miss his jokes about making like a damage and cut outta here..... I miss him already!

I miss Jeremy's negative since of humor and even Shannon's "Heyyyyyyyy mannnnnnnnn." LOL It will truly be a time in my life that I will greatly miss and never forget!!!

1 year ago today............

1 year ago today I lost my best friend........... it still hurts so very bad at times. I guess the pain of his loss will never really leave me.

The picture above was at Doug's in Port Allen. I look horrible in that picture but Stephen looks so great. He always did though!

I often think about how much I would enjoy going back and doing it all over again. Meeting him....thinking he was a jerk....then realizing he was a jerk that stole my heart LOL. I miss him so bad!

I miss everything about him. I could go on for days about everything that I miss about him. I don't know what to do today..... I guess I am just down in the dumps....... I miss my friend :(

This weekend I am going to pay his resting place a visit and have a Yohoo......... maybe that will give my thoughts a little peace.....hopefully.......

Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha-nges.........

Like the great David Bowie....... I am going through Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha-nges.........!

So what's going on you ask...well let's start off with work, last Friday was Mike's last day, so that sucks :( and this Friday is CJ's last day. That means now I will be working for Kyle Pearson. I don't know why I am going to miss CJ working here so much, I just am. I don't mind working for Kyle though, he's pretty legit LOL. It's just going to be weird without CJ here.

Also, it seems these days I am more focused on living and life than I have been in the past. I still miss Stephen every single day, but I am trying to get back on track and focus on life and all it has to offer.

I am losing weight every week....so that's good! I am trying to get my weight down to what it was before I settled into a desk job. I am going on vacation next month for a whole week, which I am really looking forward too, and me and my mom are talking again.....

It seems like life is good at the moment. I know it's not always perfect so I am just trying to enjoy it while it last!!! Overall, I feel like a lucky girl!!! :)

Happy 3rd Anniversary!

This is a picture of Leandro and I on our wedding day having our first dance as a married couple to our wedding song "Fly me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra.

I dreamed of having that as my wedding song ever since I was a tiny little girl. We ever practiced our dance a few nights before the wedding. We had so much fun! :)

I remember my wedding day very well. I stayed the night at my Dad's house the night before. I could hardly eat that night, I was so nervous. I could tell Daddy was proud of me just by the way he looked into my eyes on the morning of my wedding. He could tell I was nervous! He was excited! He gave me a great big hug and said "you ready?" He broke out into a song and dance of "Erin's gettin married....Erin's gettin married....take me to the chapel....cuz I'm gonna get married...." Haha ha ha ha ha He has to be the best Dad ever! LOL

I remember my Dad stressing out at Carter's because they didn't have all the meat cut up and ready like they were supposed too for the jambalaya. While Daddy was waiting to get the meat I bought us both a breakfast sandwich. I scarfed it down I was so hungry! lol

I remember getting to the hall early and looking around at the empty place and trying to imagine what it would look like with all of our family there. I helped with the decorations before it was time to get ready. I was so excited!

I remember they way I walked in my wedding dress with short little kicks so I wouldn't trip. Katy and I always laugh when we think about my Dad.....

Preacher: Who gives this woman away to be married

Dad: Me. John Gremillion

We laugh because Dad said he thought he needed to use his legal name. LOL He did they same thing at Katy's wedding.

I remember the way Leandro looked at me as I walked down the isle, and he hands were all sweaty because he was nervous.

There are so many wonderful things I remember about that day, and a few sad things as well. I really wish my mom would have been there, but I understand. It just makes me mad that I made her a DVD of our wedding and she never even watched it because she said it makes her too sad, and when I showed her pictures of me in the wedding dress, well I had to beg her to look at them, and when she did she said "who's that girl!" I said me :( She didn't even recognize me.

But, I am not letting her run my wedding day or my wedding day memories. My wedding was the best day of my life so far. I miss Stephen. He was the best best man anyone could have ever asked for. He took his role seriously! lol

I miss that day...... and today is a nice little reminder of how blessed I am. I am very thankful for all of the wonderful friends and family I have, and thankful for the wonderful memories and time I had with the ones who are no longer here. But most of all... I am thankful for my husband..... the love of my life......

A Suprise from Maw and Paw :)

My grandparents sent me this lovely card to my work today! I thought that was so incredibly sweet! I am going to call them and thank them when I get off of work. I wonder if my mom will call me tomorrow.....?

Leandro and I don't have any plans for tomorrow. We both work. When I get off of work I am going back to Mr. Brain's house to work on his Internet and meet Cox out there. I was going to re schedule for Thursday but Leandro said I might as well go Wed. since we aren't doing anything.

We were supposed to spend all day Sat together celebrating it since we can't do anything on Wed. but then last night Leandro cancelled :(

He said that he had forgotten that he already made plans with Jacob to film a skit on Sat like months ago and other people will be there too so he can't cancel. Man! Talk about hurt my feelings :*( He said "maybe if I get home not too late that night.....would you wanna do something?" I said no. I don't want to get my hopes up for a maybe. It just sucks because I didn't make any plans for Sat. I was so excited...... and now I will just be at home......alone......cleaning house...... :(

The Circus ....

So on Sunday Ashlie, Jackson, Katy and me went to the circus. They came to Baton Rouge. We had a grand 'ole time LOL. I was some what impressed and some how disappointed at the same time.
I haven't been to the circus since I was like 7 years old, and Katy had never been before. So, since Kaden couldn't make it I thought it would be nice if I treated my sister :) She had a great time!
I remember the circus being a lot bigger when I was little, but I guess that was because I was so little. I only went once. I was around seven I think. I remember elephants, lions, horses, monkeys, tigers, ponys, horses, birds, and camels.
The one we saw on Sat. was the same company but they didn't have any monkeys, camels, ponys, or tigers. It was still really neat, but it had much more of a modern theme to it. One of the clowns even had an ipod.
Overall, we had a great time. :)

A Night Out to the Ballet.....

Last night Ashlie and I attended the ballet at the Manship theatre in down town Baton Rouge. It was so amazing! It was beautiful!!! I had a blast! Ashlie and I were talking about how much we enjoy attending events at the Manship! It's such a nice theatre! The Playmakers are performing Sleeping Beauty this month there as well and I mentioned it to CJ, and we might try and take all the kids! Sounds like a blast!!!

After the ballet we went over to Schlitz and Giggles and had a couple of laughs, a drink and some pizza (I only ate the toppings because of my diet.)

It was so much fun and I love my girl nights like that! I am so thankful for wonderful friends!!!

The D Word!

A very dear friend of mine is having a really tough time. Her and her husband are talking about divorce. That just breaks my heart! Not only do I love them both and their child.... I hurt for them. I hate to see anyone hurting like I know Divorce hurts people.
When my parents got a divorce it hurt my sister and I so very much, not to mention my parents. They hurt for so long after the separation. I hate to see anyone go through this or even talk about it. I am going to do everything in my power to try and be supportive, regardless what the final decision ends up being...... I hope they will work it out.

The Brave Little Toaster.....

This is a picture from the beloved movie "The Brave Little Toaster" that was released in 1988. I used to love this movie when I was a little girl. My mom "taped" it for us. LOL

If you have never seen it then you should really check it out! It's a really good movie! To really understand the full meaning of this blog you will need to know a little bit about this movie, so check it out here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092695/

Well, it turns out I have my very own "Brave Little Toaster" :D .........................

I saved it! This toaster pictured above was inches away from the trash can, but I rescued it! It still works! This toaster was the toaster my parent's had when I was just a little girl.

I was standing on my tip toes to reach the button to toast my bread....... and my baby sister...... did the same just a few short years after me. I swear my parents probably never cleaned this old thing.

I was at Dad and Penny's house the other night and Penny said she was going to throw it out (even though it still worked) because it was old and the handle was broken. My heart shed a tear for the poor old thing....I jumped in front of it screaming at her "NO!!!! are you crazy!!! this is my childhood!!!!" We all laughed but then I really didn't have the heart to see it be thrown away in the trash.

My Dad has remodeled the entire house on 12898 Danya Dr. He has remodeled everything from the outside air conditioner unit stand to the ceilings painted throughout the house. There is hardly a single thing left in that house from his life before.... or our life before. The house looks amazing, but it doesn't feel like home to me anymore. All of the things that were from my childhood in that house have either been tossed out or put away in the hot attic. It's quite sad when I think of it like that.....but then again what am I expecting him to do....live with all that and not move on......I could never ask him to do that nor would I want him to. It's just one of those things in life.............

Any how, I decided I was taking this toaster home. If you have ever seen the movie "The Brave Little Toaster," then you will know this was one brave little toaster. When my Dad pulled it out of the cabinet it was still in the same place it had been, hidden away, for all those years at Danya. My Dad had all of the old cabinets pulled out and new ones resided where the old ones used to be. That tells me that at some point my Dad had to take that toaster out of the old cabinets and put it back into the new ones. I wonder if he thought about it........ I wonder if it made him remember the way it made me.......

I brought it home and cleaned it. I cried like a baby the whole time thinking that I might be washing away Katy's finger prints from when she was four years old, or my mother's. I know I am a loser....... but it just made me sad. Well, considering it's age...... I think it looks pretty darn good.............

****Side Note****

I wrote this blog on 5/25/2010, It was delayed in posting, because upon finishing it I got really ill and had to stop. Sorry, for the delay........ :)

Flowers at work....

FLOWERS AT WORK!!!!! FOR ME????? FROM LEANDRO?!??!?!? WHAT?!?!?!? LOL

Leandro is so anti-flowers, however, he brought me these babies at work today because he knew I was having a bad day!!!!! My heart just melted all over the place!!!! That is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful!!!!

A Weak Moment .....

I am very sad today. I have these weak moments from time to time. I am struggling with infertility and PCOS. I am on a diet trying to loose weight and taking my medicine...... hoping and praying that one day.....just maybe...... I will have a little one of my own and complete my family!

It's just hard is all. You think .......I have plenty of time......we have loads of time......but then I think of Stephen. All the time he should have had left, but didn't........ and it makes me sad.

Tonight I babysit Kaden. When I am bathing him I can't help but think I am stealing memories from Shelly. If she only knew what she was missing....... I wonder if she knows. I love listening to him talk to me.....about school, or saying "do we have to cut my toe nails tonight?"

It's just not fair how it's so easy for some people.... to have a child. I think of all the people who have abortions and it hurts my heart to think of that. I don't understand for the life of me how anyone could ever do that, especially when there are people like me who want one so bad and can't have one.

I am doing what my doctor said. I am on a low carb diet. I am taking my Metformin twice a day. He said he wants Leandro to take a sperm count test, before giving me fertility treatments. Leandro seems to think I don't need fertility treatments. He thinks we can get pregnant with just the Metformin. He goes back and forth whether or not he wants to take that test. So, without his participation....... all I can do is stay on my diet, take my medicine and pray.

I don't know why he doesn't want to do it. He says it's uncomfortable.... perhaps he scared. I don't know. He doesn't like to talk about it when I bring it up. When I ask him why he has a million reasons it seems...."it's costly......we don't need that test......it's uncomfortable.....you don't need fertility drugs.....you need to loose more weight.....we need to save some more money...."

Every video I looked up on youtube starts the same. "Hi my name is _______ I am over weight and I have PCOS and my husband and I are trying to conceive a baby."

It makes me feel better that I am not the only one, but I must confess I do feel alone. All of these women I read about, and watched their vlogs on youtube......all the success stories say "LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR........DO WHAT THEY SAY." Also, they are all talking about Clomid and how it helped them get pregnant. I keep looking for the one who says "I just took Metformin" but I can't find any. All of them are on Metformin and Clomid........

I wish Leandro would do what Dr. Andreaus said, but I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. I am so confused. The infertility bothers me so much and he looks so uncomfortable when I try and talk to him about it. It's like he feels like I am nagging him to some degree, or he just doesn't have any response at all. I need to talk to someone. Someone who can relate to me. Someone who will listen to me and my feelings and talk with me about it. I can't talk to my Dad about it because he just says "it will all work out." That doesn't exactly help me.

I would talk to my Mom but I don't want to bother her. She hasn't spoke to me since that night we talked and she made all those promises to be in my life. She wouldn't understand anyway. No one really understands. I feel so alone like there is no one I can go to. All of my friends either have kids or are pregnant. They don't really understand either. I feel like all I have is my fantasies and my dreams. I have dreams about having children.

One thing I am thankful for though is the time I get with Timothy and Kaden. I have a special bond with Kaden, and even though I will never be his mother..... I love him so very much, like my own and the same goes for Timothy.