So..... It's been a little while since I have posted anything. I thought I would give you (whomever you may be) an update on my life. Everything for the most part has been good. I have been very busy lately between work at UtiliQuest and baby sitting Kaden. I have so many things running through my head. I want to say so many things so please forgive me if this blog is a little random and choppy!
I'll start off with our new place........ We ended up not getting the little farm house, sadly because the people who were supposed to move out never did, and well it just never seemed to work out. So....I did some searching and found us a new place. It's a condo in Watson (Denham Springs.) It's really nice. Leandro saw it for the first time after he signed the lease last week. My first visit to the condo after it was legally ours was literally like 15 minutes after the previous tenants had moved out. The lights were still on and I was able to make this:
When I first got there I closed my eyes in every room....trying to picture my life there and hoping I made the right choice. When Leandro arrived and saw it, he really liked it and said I did a good job. I hope this works out. I need a home again, and so does he.
Today.... Leandro is going to get the permit so we can get the utilities turned on. It's going to cost us $600 just to turn on the utilities. That is going too take every cent from our checks this week so we will have to live off the money I am making at night watching Kaden. In the end it will be worth it because then we will have a home again =) I was just talking to Leandro on the phone about all this. Let me tell you, it's pretty stressful!
Speaking of Kaden....he is doing great with me. He is my little heart! I have made some many observations about him. He is the most grown up four year old I have ever met. He worries like Jamie used to do when she was little, and being around him I see Shelly a hundred times a day when he asks for something....or makes a silly face. I miss being little with Shelly and Jamie and playing all day long in the summers. My heart is sad for Kaden, growing up alone...with no siblings to play with or cousins. Katy is about to give birth to Timothy so hopefully they will grow to be close to one another! The only time Kaden really gets to be around other kids his age is at school. He needs to be socialized....he's not like other kids because he is growing up around adults. I made a play date for him with Ashlie and Chase's son Jackson, who is also four. We met up at Punk Smith park in Walker this past Sunday. It took Kaden almost two hours to warm up to Jackson. They ended up being pretty good pals in the end lol. I promised I would host a sleepover at my new place (if I can ever get moved in there) LOL. The picture posted up top is a picture from our adventures at the park..... He had a blast and I think Jackson did too from what Ashlie is telling me LOL.
Some other things that have been going on......Logan is still living in Denver. I don't know if I mentioned that he had moved there or not. I am missing him now. I think he is doing pretty good there, but that doesn't stop me from missing him! Oh and Tyson isn't doing to good :( They seem to think that he won't live too much longer. It's the same with Abuelo... he seems to be some what OK, but Lynette was talking about his smell the other night, how Abuelo is starting to smell different. That makes me sad :(
I don't know what it is lately I just feel like I am having to re-invent myself. I guess that is what I am trying to do. I keep telling myself "it's OK to miss some things in life." I have been really thinking about my life in great lengths lately. I really really miss Katy being a little girl. I think about that all the time. I used to always smell her head LOL. I remember so much detail about my childhood. I miss staying at my grandparents house with Shelly and Jamie and dancing around in our night clothes while my grandfather played the guitar and my grandmother sang to us. I miss making clubs and paths in the woods with Josh and Nikki. I hate how once something is in the past...it's passed...and we can never re-visit it again except for in our minds and in our hearts.
Brittany closed on her house this week. She is taking off this week to re-paint her new house and move all of her things in. Instead of me working 7-4 I am working 7-5. It sucks because Steven isn't even here for me to play with LOL. It's weird being here pretty much all day by myself, especially since the time change and it now getting sort of dark at 5:00. I walked to the back to turn off the coffee pot and lights and start locking everything up to leave yesterday when I saw Stephen's shirt back there. I sat down in Merril's chair and just smelled it over and over again. It still has his scent. I miss him so much! I know he is watching over me, but that doesn't take the pain away.
I have been feeling some what jealous lately too. I know that's bad. =( I am trying to tell myself "Your time will come don't be jealous" I know this. It's just things like Brittany getting a new house and making fun of me behind my back for not having one. That was mean :( and me watching Kaden and bathing him while Shelly is getting dressed to go out and party constantly pushing him aside saying "go see Aunt Erin." I only wish I had a child begging for my attention. She does and she doesn't even care. Katy is about to have Timothy... I secretly wish it was me who was pregnant instead of her. I know that is such a terrible thing to say....=( All these things make me feel sort of like less of a woman or something. Same goes about my car ..... people are always making fun. It hurts my feelings that I can't take Kaden to the park in either one of my vehicles. People are always making fun of me about this stuff. It makes me feel like less of a woman or incompetent. I wish for children so bad. Every time I miss a period I think "maybe this time....just maybe a miracle this time..." I don't know. I guess I am just too impatient....wanting it all....... a house, a car, a baby. It's not all about what I want . I know Leandro wants to finish school. It's not fair of me to be so selfish. I know this. It hurts him that he can't give me these things and would make him depressed when I would talk about it. So....... I never mention it anymore. I try to push these thoughts out of my head, at least for the time being but they creep up from time to time and I need to get it out. I guess this is the best way because I can get it off my chest and no one has to listen lol. I am probibly the only one who reads this....
I guess in due time..... I need to learn patience. LOL
