you know.... I was just thinking...... sometimes I just can't stop thinking and thinking. I feel like I have so much to think about..... all the time. I feel like there is so many things to think about that I will never have time for them all.
Today on this beautiful Sunday I am typing this blog from my grandparent's house, as my grandmother watches the Catholic Mass on TV and my grandfather reads his paper and sips his coffee. I sit here in front of their computer.....thinking.......
I remember when my family and I used to live in Hot Springs Arkansas. It so so beautiful there at this time of year. Perhaps I should plan a road trip in February of next year? It would be nice to experience Arkansas once again. Leandro has never been. It would be nice to show him where we used to live and where I played.
One thing I like about this weather is that sometimes early in the morning there is a cool refreshing breeze. I wish we had mountains or a Forrest around here that I could get lost in, and take in the early morning air. Or perhaps a stream I where I could soak my feet in the days evening.
I went to the park last week and the day was so nice. I bought a picnic basket today so Leandro and I can picnic on Wed. or Thurs. when he's off. Every time I pass North Park I see those tennis courts and think about the time Ashlie and I played tennis for like four hours in the rain. That was a good day!
You know something else I have been thinking about lately..... is drugs. It seems like almost every person I know is on some sort of drug like; anti-depressants, pain pills, pills for sleep, pills for wake, pills to be happy, pills to make you concentrate, pills to settle you down, pills to make you loose weight, pills to have a baby, pills to prevent from having a baby..... and on and on and on. I am so sick of people telling me about all of their pills and how they have to have them. I'm not really talking about blood pressure pills and such, but like mental pills!!!grrrsdfklasdkljfasldjfasldjflasdfjlasdkjfalskjflaskdjflaskdjflaskjflasdkjflaksjdflasdlfasjdlfasjdlfjasldfjasldfjlksjdflaskjdflasdkjfls <----- me going crazy!!!!!!! LOL
Doesn't anyone experience life anymore the way it's intended to be experienced? I feel like people have to self-control or discipline, not that I'm an angel.... I have my own demons tar-ust me! lol
It just saddens me...... I feel like I am one of the only people I know that's not on any pills. When I go to the doctor and they ask "Current medications?" I always say "Advil?....." I guess I'm just lucky... I dunno
I talked to my Dad again today. I am so thankful for our close relationship. I saw my mother today too when I left Maw and Paw's. She still hasn't been to see them. I went by Mom's because I was passing by and I didn't have the heart to pass her house without stopping. She just makes me sad sometimes. She has no interest in me at all. I just wish that she was as interested in me as she is with Katy. She always says over and over that she's so sorry that she never calls me and what not and it has nothing to do with Leandro and I not having kids, but I know that's exactly what it is because she says it over and over and I have never once brought that up to her.
I miss my mother! When she says things like that it hurts my feelings and I just close my eyes and remember what she was like when we were really little. I remember how she helped us dye eggs, and how she would play games with us, and in that one second while she is talking saying things that hurt me I am thinking of all the wonderful memories of her and that way by the time I open my eyes all I can do is smile and think about how much I love her.
I just wish for once while she was talking to me I could just look at her in the face without having to close my eyes and just smile. ...........
Well.....I guess I've have got out everything on the surface of my mind for now........ :)
