Letter

Dear Stephen,

I just want to say I love you with all of my heart! Yesterday, when I was standing at the foot of your grave...... I thought about the first time you came into my life. How you made me so mad, and how I couldn't stand you. You were taking all my "Leandro time." LOL

But, after all that I thought about all the other things........so many things. I thought about all the memories. When I think of you I think of your facial expressions the most. I think about the look you would give in a debate, or to be convincing, or happy, or aggravated, or laughing so hard your face would turn so red. I think about the time we took that boat out at Little Lake and it started to rain on us, and how we layed there in the boat letting the rain hit us. You steered the boat for cover under a tree and we talked about the beauty all around us. I remember telling you how I love you, and you said "love you too dawg."

I always felt so safe with you. Even when you drove us to New Orleans during a Tropical Storm in the middle of the night. I was terrified, but deep down I knew we would be OK because you would take care of us. Just like all of your friends and loved ones said.......you were always taking care of us!

I think that our relationship was always over shadowed by yours and Leandro's. It's OK though. To me it makes it some what more special I guess.

I guess the reason for this letter to you is to tell you that I am having a hard time. You stole my heart when I wasn't paying attention and I am hurting. And, somewhere under all that dirt I guess is the other parts of it. I have all this new music I found, and I don't have anyone to share it with. You would have loved Elizabeth and The Catapult. I am sure of it. Remember how we decided we would go to NY together this year?!?! Well, they are playing there. That's where they are from.

We moved in with Buita which I know you would have said "MISTAKE!!!!!!!" LOL. It's not that bad. LOL.

Stephen......please help me OK. Look down on me and protect me through many more storms I might be driving myself through in the dead of night. Help me to chose the right ways to go. Please help me to see all the beauty around me like the day in the boat, and remind me often that its OK to get rained on.

The only way I can possibly get through this is to know that you are keeping your promise to love.....and protect me......like you said those some two years ago before that long walk down the isle.

I love you and miss your so much!

-Erin