You know, last night me and Leandro were talking about going to see Transformers 2 tonight. I think we are. When Leandro mentioned it to me, we both looked at each other and I think we had the same thought at the exact same moment about Stephen.
Stephen really enjoyed movies. In fact, him and Leandro had made plans to see Transformers together. =( Sadly, Leandro is stuck going with me.......Stephen used to fight me like a child saying "Please can Leandro come....but it's dude time....we need dude time...LOL." I would always give in....he had a way with persuading people. One of the things that I love about him so much. I miss him so terribly. It still hurts so badly.......
Another thing Leandro and I discussed last night was the the first two movies we watched since Stephen has been gone.....and how they reminded us of him. We watched Pineapple Express......which was funny, but not as funny.... if you know what I mean. Watching movies with Stephen was such a treat and to not have him there made my stomach turn sour. The second movie we went and saw in the theatre with some of his cousins, it was The Hangover. Again, it was hilarious.......but afterwards all we could do was stand around and talk about how one of the main characters had "Stephen hair."
I miss him..................god do I miss him..................
i almost feel wrong commenting on ur blogs bc i didnt really know the stephen yall knew i guess i mean i did but i hadnt actually SEEN him in a year and although im sure he hadn't changed much bc everything u write im like yep i still just feel so regretful for not keeping in touch better! i know i should get over it but it is just sooo hard! i never thought i would ever feel this way! i know i can't really explain what he meant to me, i think we need to have many more fun girl talks about us before i can open up about my relationship with him bc i guess i just hold it sacredly to my heart. idk i am mad that at the wake i didn't know this stephen with longer blondish brownish hair and that the last time i saw him was his dads wake and how i remember not even wanting to go bc i am just so not good with death and tiff convinced me and said we need to go for stephen and of course i knew that and now I thank God that I went bc that is my last face to face memory and we hugged and sat in the back row with jacob katie and tiff and just talked and laughed like nothing had changed. I had my arm interlocked in his. for some reason this was always natural for us. idk.. i reallly hope u are the only one reading this!! ha i have all these memories that r sooo happy and funny! its just so hard to explain and i am not good with putting my feelings into words i guess. sorry for the rambling! ur the best
ReplyDeletei just want someone to tell me the "right" way to deal with this................... i know there is no right way we all handle it differently but i feel like i am handling it the crazy way! lol
ReplyDeletestrange things ive done since this happened:
ReplyDelete1. going and buying any book or movie or trying to that we shared together
2. trying to remember the exact music he would make me and put on CD's
3. trying to remember and bottle up all the late night talks we shared on his porch or with his mom
4. wishing so desperately to just talk to him 1 more time and tell him Hey I love you and you mean so much to me!!!!
5. wanting every picture anyone has of him whether im in it or not!lol
6. wishing i would've just called or even stopped by his house when i passed by and would think of him instead of saying no i have nothing important to say ill call him later or even talk to him all the way to NO when i was planning our trip to visit Jacob which of course I never told him about bc I wanted to have rock solid plans before telling him bc so many times id say we'll do this we'll do that and never did
7. looking at this note, i am reminded he would hate when i would email or im him back in the day and not use punctuation or capitals etc!
8. i am so selfish but i want to know that i meant as much to him as he did to me! and i know that doesn't matter but.........
so read this and delete