You know........me, Stephen, and Leandro knew all the words to this song. Leandro and Stephen even learned how to play it on the guitar. Sometimes they would play and I would sing or we would all sing together. That's probably one of the things I miss the most........singing.....We all sang together...
Today is one of those hard days........one of those days when I just break down. I heart is aching for him......I am longing for him.........Keep waiting for him to call me.......
I had a dream about him last night! It made me feel good and bad. This is the first dream that I have had since his death where there was actual conversation between the two of us. All the other dreams I dreamt were just old memories.....all sort of collaged together. This dream gave me breath......but then took it away. It gave me relief and understanding, but then sent me in panic without understanding.
I will post the dream by itself.........but before I get to the dream I need to talk about how I feel right now. I decided that today I am going to visit his resting place. I don't know if this will help me or make it worse, but I have to try something. This will be the first time since the day we layed him there. It's so hard to even type that. I find myself having a hard time even saying that. I keep waiting for it to be different.......what a horrible nightmare. It just doesn't feel right. I am trying to make it right, and I can't. I miss him so badly......my god it hurts me so very badly!!!
u r freaking kidding this is getting freaky!! i also love this song and know all the words!!
ReplyDeleteso u went?? I want to go but also don't know if it would help my healing or set me back 3 steps. I really still feel like it didn't happen. of course going thru this has made me remember every memory i have with him and it was quite alot. I thought i didn't know stephen in the past year, but i forget he was the same guy as i talked to you, i may not have known his favorite bands etc which i love to know but his heart and mind were the same! i dont know why i doubted that i didnt know him. i loved him. and i think it sucks that i didn't realize how much til now
ReplyDeletedo u know i struggle to say the word death or i refer to that time as when stephen ya know. why is this so hard. i guess if i don't say it, its not really true
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