So.....it's be good and bad for me lately. I have been putting forth a very strong effort to do more with my friends, and family. It does make me extremly happy to be with the ones I love. It's still rough though. Like this morning.......I was at work looking out the window thinking of my friend Steven Hull and his family and everything they must be going through right now with the passing of his father on Friday night. It kills me to think of his pain.....=(And this weekend...... I was thinking how strange it is how this world is filled with so many wonderful and beautiful things........but also so many terrible and horrible things. I really think I am starting to lose my mind. I think about Stephen constantly. How much it hurts.....how much I miss him.....I just can't let go......I can't make myself realize that hes gone. I know he is gone.....dead....passed....I know......and I have to tell myself that CONSTANTLY, and its making me a little bit crazy. I really think I am losing it........I am pretty sure I need professional help. I don't know what I should do. I feel like I died with Stephen.
My life is falling completely apart.....I don't really care about anything anymore. I do whatever people tell me to, or what I think people want me to do. I do what I think they want and say what I think they want to hear. The truth is I just don't care anymore. I have no motivation to move on with my career.....to have kids.......to buy a house....to save money......I just don't care. I feel like I am jus waiting around to die. I hate my life, and who I have become.
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