Baby it's Cold Outside.......

Well baby it's cold outside...... It seems like it's getting colder by the hour. How exciting!! Christmas is:

http://www.xmasclock.com/

21 days away if you decided against viewing the Christmas clock. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner, and my surgery next Tuesday. I am starting to feel the stress of the two being weeks apart of each other. It just seems as if everything is crammed into this month. It's sort of funny if you think about it. I have more coasters to make before Tuesday for people who placed orders, I am half way through my Christmas list, I have a job interview on Monday, and surgery on Tuesday. LOL It's December madness!! Also, I am trying to quit smoking which makes me a little on the crazy side.

On a more peaceful note.... I don't think it's going to snow this year for Christmas. I wish it would! The snow makes everything look so beautiful! I can just picture myself all wrapped up in my warm clothes and big scarves with a huge cup of coffee and a crochet blanket sitting on the porch watching the snow flakes fall. Ahhhh.... that sounds so nice!

Well, I have a lot to do today. I need to get the house ready for my surgery and get some things together to mail out. I need to make a sympathy card for Penny's aunt who just lost her husband :( and I have a freezer bag of pecans that were picked at MoMo's that I want to mail to Aunt Kay and Uncle Brian.

So happy Friday!!!! I hope you have a good day and a nice weekend!!

hugs and kisses!!!! xoxoxo

Erin :)

Need to Vent......

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got off the phone with my mother, and as usual I want to pull out all of my hair now. I just called her this morning and invited her over for a cup of coffee and to visit. It's as simple as a "yes I can" or a "no I can't." But no....... not with my mother.....things are never that simple. It's almost noon and she still can't give me a yes or no.

I don't even care anymore. That is why I never call and invite her over because we always spend hours on the phone all day and ultimately around 4:00 PM she calls back and starts apologizing saying she's not coming. Sometimes I don't even know why I try with her.

I know she loves me, but she doesn't care about anything if it doesn't involve her, Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim or Timothy. Every time I talk to her she wants to know when Leandro and I are going to have babies. She has no interest in our lives besides that.

I guess it just hurts my feelings. Last night we went over to my in laws house and visited with my mother-in-law for hours. I am so grateful for her. I didn't want to leave but we had to because Leandro had to be at work early this morning.

,I wish my mom and I could have a relationship like that. Every time I am around my mother she just talks about her and Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim and Timothy for hours. That's all she wants to talk about.

My surgery is December 7th and she "wrote it down" but I know she won't be there or even come to see me once I get home. Even though I am aware of this I still have a tiny inkling that tells me she will be there, but I try not to think about that because I know I am just setting myself up for disappointment.

I feel like an asshole. LOL I really do because part of me is like "Erin! you should be ashamed of thinking that way that is your MOTHER." the other part of me is like "Who gives a shit about her, she is a selfish bitch who was never a mother to you."

I am sooo confused. I try over and over again trying to be a good daughter and try and accept her for who sh is but it doesn't work. I find myself getting stressed out when I am around her. She doesn't call me very much and when she does she leaves messages on my voicemail that says shit like "I was wondering if you could come over and cook me some soup" or "I tried to call Katy but can you bring me some cigarettes I am out and don't feel like leaving the house" or "can you baby sit Timothy today, I didn't sleep last night." She leaves messages like this after not speaking to me for weeks or even months at a time. When I call her and if she even answers she immediately ask me
"can I call you back I am _________ <- insert random thing here."

Leandro tells me to just leave her alone and I do but then I feel guilty. I don't know...... I guess I just need to vent it out......

Random Thoughts.....

you know.... I was just thinking...... sometimes I just can't stop thinking and thinking. I feel like I have so much to think about..... all the time. I feel like there is so many things to think about that I will never have time for them all.

Today on this beautiful Sunday I am typing this blog from my grandparent's house, as my grandmother watches the Catholic Mass on TV and my grandfather reads his paper and sips his coffee. I sit here in front of their computer.....thinking.......

I remember when my family and I used to live in Hot Springs Arkansas. It so so beautiful there at this time of year. Perhaps I should plan a road trip in February of next year? It would be nice to experience Arkansas once again. Leandro has never been. It would be nice to show him where we used to live and where I played.

One thing I like about this weather is that sometimes early in the morning there is a cool refreshing breeze. I wish we had mountains or a Forrest around here that I could get lost in, and take in the early morning air. Or perhaps a stream I where I could soak my feet in the days evening.

I went to the park last week and the day was so nice. I bought a picnic basket today so Leandro and I can picnic on Wed. or Thurs. when he's off. Every time I pass North Park I see those tennis courts and think about the time Ashlie and I played tennis for like four hours in the rain. That was a good day!

You know something else I have been thinking about lately..... is drugs. It seems like almost every person I know is on some sort of drug like; anti-depressants, pain pills, pills for sleep, pills for wake, pills to be happy, pills to make you concentrate, pills to settle you down, pills to make you loose weight, pills to have a baby, pills to prevent from having a baby..... and on and on and on. I am so sick of people telling me about all of their pills and how they have to have them. I'm not really talking about blood pressure pills and such, but like mental pills!!!grrrsdfklasdkljfasldjfasldjflasdfjlasdkjfalskjflaskdjflaskdjflaskjflasdkjflaksjdflasdlfasjdlfasjdlfjasldfjasldfjlksjdflaskjdflasdkjfls <----- me going crazy!!!!!!! LOL

Doesn't anyone experience life anymore the way it's intended to be experienced? I feel like people have to self-control or discipline, not that I'm an angel.... I have my own demons tar-ust me! lol

It just saddens me...... I feel like I am one of the only people I know that's not on any pills. When I go to the doctor and they ask "Current medications?" I always say "Advil?....." I guess I'm just lucky... I dunno

I talked to my Dad again today. I am so thankful for our close relationship. I saw my mother today too when I left Maw and Paw's. She still hasn't been to see them. I went by Mom's because I was passing by and I didn't have the heart to pass her house without stopping. She just makes me sad sometimes. She has no interest in me at all. I just wish that she was as interested in me as she is with Katy. She always says over and over that she's so sorry that she never calls me and what not and it has nothing to do with Leandro and I not having kids, but I know that's exactly what it is because she says it over and over and I have never once brought that up to her.

I miss my mother! When she says things like that it hurts my feelings and I just close my eyes and remember what she was like when we were really little. I remember how she helped us dye eggs, and how she would play games with us, and in that one second while she is talking saying things that hurt me I am thinking of all the wonderful memories of her and that way by the time I open my eyes all I can do is smile and think about how much I love her.

I just wish for once while she was talking to me I could just look at her in the face without having to close my eyes and just smile. ...........

Well.....I guess I've have got out everything on the surface of my mind for now........ :)

Two Points for Honesty!

So, I haven't blogged in some time....... I am WAY over due! LOL

OK....so what's new....

Short Version:

Well I went to New York and New England, came back from New York and New England. Had a fight with my insurance company. Changed Doctors. Resolved issues with my insurance company. Felt Happy. Felt Sad. Felt Inspired, and Inspired someone. Got dressed up for a night on the town, stayed home on a Friday night. Started watching Grey's Anatomy for the first time. Got the sniffles and took some Zyrtec. Took my Dad to the airport, slept at the hospital with my grandmother, made soap, and cooked steak and shrimp for Josh when he was in town. Had a daiquiri, wine, and a bloody mary after a tough day. Made home made vegetable soup, thought about making cookies but decided against it. Went to the park, picked pecans and painted skull mask with Kaden. Got some new jeans, threw out some old jeans. Went to the film festival and witnessed a fight. Drove to my Dad's and had visions of when I was a little girl, felt sad again, then happy. Talked about how much I loved the weather changes to everyone I saw. Dressed up like a clown to surprise my grandmother at the hospital, made oatmeal soap for CJ. Mailed a letter, emailed a letter. Danced with my cats. Little miss disappeared for two days but now shes back. Broke into a vacant apartment. Maw had surgery. Joanie had surgery. Cj had surgery. Stole my mom's vacuum but plan to bring it back. Watched a Saint's game. Watched an LSU game. Watched part of an Alabama game. Cooked dinner for Nick. Jacob spent the night. Stayed up too late and went to bed too early. Went to the Mall, ran into John. made Stephen dead jokes and got invited to a Halloween party. Waxed my eyebrows. Thought about blogging but didn't until now. Saw my cousin Shelly and Jamie too. Went to Petco and pet kittens. Thought about dying my hair but didn't. Got offered two manager jobs but declined them for now. Thought about previous jobs. Found some new music. Experienced some old music. Ate too little and felt sick. Ate too much and felt sicker!

Well, WOOOOO! LOL That about covers it for now. Did you get all that? LOL

Big Hugs and Kisses from my heart to yours!

Love,

Erin

Falling Head Over Hills for the Fall Season!!!!

The Fall is almost among us! I am soooooooo excited! Fall is one of my favorite seasons!!! So many things to look forward too....... leaving the windows open to catch the Fall breeze.... the beautiful colors around us....Halloween....picking a pumpkin and pumpkin pie......wow, I am in love already!!

I can not wait!!!!!!! I want it here now, LOL! Starting off the Fall season is the Manhattan Short Film Festival on October the 1st! I am really looking forward to this, we went last year and had too much fun!

I have a lot of decorating ideas for the Fall this year as well. I can't wait to get started! I think I am going to get some pumpkins and decoupage them for inside and outside. Kaden will love that project!

Also, a new thing to look forward to this Fall is TIMOTHY'S 1st BIRTHDAY on NOVEMBER 17th!!!!!!!!! That little man is getting so big, so fast! He is so precious!

It's still hot out....... but before you know it in a flash it will turn into a cool breeze! :)

HAPPY FALL SEASON!!!!!

Home again.....

MGMT was our theme music for our road trip :)

So.....I flew back in to the "Big Easy" last Sunday night........ it sure does feel nice to be back home!

I had such a great trip!!!! Here a just a handful of pictures from my trip to New York and New England.......

This was Josh and I's secret spot that we discovered in White Mountain National Forrest in New Hampshire. It was so breath taking...........

This was taken in White Mountain National Forrest as well......can you see how exhausted we were from driving all night with no sleep?! I had circles under my eyes..... LOL it was so worth it though!!!!!

This was take on the Brooklyn Bridge in New York....

This trip to NY and New England was truly and adventure!!!! I had so much fun and have memories that I will look back on forever! This trip really made me realize how much I miss Josh! I wish we still lived next door to one another and saw each other everyday! He is my soul mate........ we are the same person LOL

How I miss him so much already...............but other than that......it's nice to be back home!

The soundtrack of your life....

(Last night Josh and I were talking about songs that would be on the soundtrack of our lives.... this song would be on mine.... I don't know what it is about this song..... it just makes me smile over and over again.... I love it)

Today is DAY 3 in NEW YORK!!!! I am having such a fabulous time!!! Josh and his friends have treated me so very kindly!!! I am having so much fun, but I am missing my love!

We had so much fun!!!! We went to Times Square again....it's so beautiful there! We walked through Central Park and I got to see Strawberry Fields! I got to see Rebecca Breaden again and we all had a drink.

I miss Leandro so very much, but I am having such a great time. Today we are going to Coney Island and I am going to ride the hundred year old Cyclone wooden roller coaster...yikes!!!! I am also going to ride the Ferris Wheel and try and take some pictures at sunset!

Tonight, will be my last time in the city during this visit but that's OK, because then there is New England and New London later this week. There is supposed to be a hurricane, but we shall adjust our plans accordingly.