The Loner.....

So.....its been a little while since my last post. So here is what has been rolling around up stairs. I have been feeling a bit lonely lately. I guess I do it to myself, and all the things surrounding me doesn't really help. I can't help but try to ignore the fact that I am 26 and married living at Leandro's grandmother's house.....driving a shitty car.......owning nothing. Yesterday, I actually made a reference to my storage as my house. I was talking to Leandro's grandmother about something she had in her kitchen and without even thinking I said, "Hey! I have these same ones at my house!.......well my storage I mean." She just looked at me like I was crazy. It was really embarrassing. I just went into our room after that.

All my friends seem really depressed too. I hate all this. I have never taken anti-depressants in my life. I am thinking of it though. Maybe it will help?! Also, I don't know why but I have been extremely jealous and envious of Leandro lately. I don't know what has gotten into me. I feel like he is too good for me. I feel like I am not pretty enough to be his wife or smart enough etc. I feel like I let myself go........and maybe why it hurts so badly to think about it is because it's kinda true.