JUST A DAY IN THE LIFE....

4 Months...

2011-12-14T09:22:00.003-06:00

Geez it's been four months since the last time I blogged anything. I hate it when I go that long without blogging because then I feel like I have to type a "get you up-to-date" blog.

So here is the update....in short of course lol

I quit my job, started my own business, lost more weight, spent way too much money at a Victoria Secret shopping event, finished all my Christmas shopping early, caught four kittens, had some laughs with my Dad, found out Leandro and I may never be able to have children, cried a lot.... realized I was being ridiculous in assuming....and started smiling a little, kept one of the kittens I caught and named her "Lucy", found out my nephew needs surgery, watched my nephew turn two, got in a argument that lasted several weeks with Josh, but now it's all better, had an ugly sweater party, ordered cookies from Ambrosia bakery that cost way too much, went to the dentist, bought a pair of size 4 jeans, had fun at Build a Bear, made a good friend, made a card for my aunt an d mailed it, bought a coffee grinder, took a long bath, drink too much wine and acted like an ass, went to a Christmas party, read a few books, had a heart felt moment with my grandmother, made ornaments with the kids, had a really rotten day, had a super awesome day, thought about making a bucket list, planned a father daughter trip with just me and my Daddy in January, ate some nasty Chinese food that I later regretted, spent too much money on circle E candles, went to Hollidays with Penny, went through some things out of my Dad's attic and cried a little, got approved for a house, worried about the van breaking, made muffins about three times a week, thought in depth about my religious beliefs

I think that about sums it up.... LOL

Merry Christmas

Two Weeks Off = DIY!

2011-08-02T11:35:00.003-05:00

Gooood Morning!

Today is only Tuesday and already I feel so accomplished! I have two weeks off of work until the new school year begins. I say I have two weeks off.... I have pretty much filled up everyday with work! lol :)

Yesterday, I went to babysit some of the kids from ACS, then I went shopping with my birthday money and bought everything to create this:

What I really wanted for my birthday was a new mattress, because ours is old and uncomfortable. Well, since we really can't afford a new one right now I came up with this solution! I had $153 of birthday money and this is what I came up with.....

Feather bed topper: $39.99

Duvet and shams: $39.99

(2) Sealy Posterpedic Pillows: $11.99 each

Egyptian Satain Sheets: $39.99

Cute Black and White dress: $9.99 (not pictured) lol

_____________________________

Total $153.94

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I don't think I tossed or turned all night! I slept so good and comfortable! I am very happy with my decision to "re-vamp" my mattress! :)

Today i used to left over materiel that my aunt gave me to give my dining room chairs and fresh clean look. I recovered them all with this neutral color. Cost to me ----> $0!! Yay!

Finally, I found these curtains on clearance at Big Lots yesterday for $6.99! It was time for a change. The other curtains were looking pretty ragged thanks to Oscar and the cats for pulling on them all the time. By the way... the two accents on top are just there for now until I finish fixing the side hooks. They will come down. I don't like them there. I'm using the curtain rod as a holder so the cats don't destroy them while I'm working. LOL
I must say... I feel like I have gotten so much done already! Tonight Maw, Joanie and I are all going to play Bingo in Denham Springs. I am so excited! I love Bingo.. and my Maw of course!

Oh! I have so many DIY projects in store for these two weeks off..... here are a few things I would like to work on:

Re-organize pantry

Frame some new pictures

Get a coffee table for the living room

Anyway.... back to work....... Happy DIY!!!

Love,

Erin

A Sunday Kind of Love...... A BBQ Sunday

2011-07-14T19:07:00.005-05:00

So Last Sunday Leandro and I got up (not so early) and cleaned the house together from top to bottom.... and to celebrate we had a BBQ. Daddy finally gave me that baby R2D2 looking grill that he never wanted to give up because he supposedly uses it! LOL

We had such a nice evening. This was the first time that we had BBQed at Hidden Oaks this Summer. Here are a few pictures from our not so lazy...then lazy Sunday.

These were my yummy mango/cherry/lemonades with rum! Needless to say it was a pretty darn good day! I miss the day already!

Many More Happy Sundays-

Erin :)

Home

2011-07-09T12:14:00.001-05:00

I love this song! Reminds me of Leandro..... :)

Adele

2011-07-02T17:07:00.002-05:00

I'm so in-love with her! Her voice reaches down and grabs my soul! She is so amazing! This is one of my favorite songs off this album! I just thought I would share this.

w/love

Erin

Gravity

2011-07-01T11:55:00.002-05:00

Good Morning/Afternoon.... ;)

I'm off today. It's been a while since my last post so I thought it was time for an update. I don't think all that much has changed since my last post. I am working at ACS's summer camp program for now. It will be over in four more weeks. I am only working Mon-Thurs right now. I just got a part time job at "Build a Bear" at the mall of LA with John. That's going to be such a blast! I'm really looking forward to it.... and working with John of course! He's so awesome!! Love him!!!

I am being so lazy today! It's so nice. I just made my second pot of coffee and I am still in my pjs and it's noon....lol. I have been reading "The Help" and messing around on the computer all morning. I have been listening to my "Early Jazz" Pandora station all morning and Jazz + Hot Coffee + "The Help" = Erin not doing a damn thing but being lazy all day!! LOL

A couple of other things happened recently that I wanted to talk about..... Shawn Jones was involved in a murder/suicide last Friday night at the TJ Ribs off Acaiden. His funeral services were last night at Seale. I didn't go. I haven't seen Shawn in about three years. We weren't really friends or anything. In fact, the only time we really talked is when I was in tenth grade and we dated (sort of). Basically.... what could have been a good relationship between the two of us went belly up so fast because of his "obsessiveness." He was moving way too fast for me so I ended the relationship pretty much before it ever began. He couldn't let go and basically stalked me! He wrote me notes everyday, followed me all around school, wouldn't stop calling me.... he would say that "he loved me.... and he wanted us to be together" yadda yadda yadda.

Shortly after all that he finally got the message when I started dating Leandro and then he finally backed off. It was like an entire year that he wouldn't leave me alone though... and for all of those reasons and a few more.... I got so angry at him until I reached the point of not being able to stand him and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. I didn't want to be his friend... I didn't want to know him.

The last time I saw Shawn he was working at Conn's in Baton Rouge off of Airline hwy. I went there with my Dad to look at flat screen lift cabinets, because at the time Conn's were the only carriers of these cabinets in Baton Rouge. I had no idea he was working there. I was surprised to see him and sort of dreading to see him. He came up to me immediately and I gave him a hug and acted polite. I asked how he was and he asked the same. He told me him and his wife had just gotten a divorce and I said "I'm sorry to hear that" and he said "don't be." He said he had heard Leandro and I had gotten married and he asked how that was going. I told him it was going great. He then asked if I was happy..... I said "yes, very!" He said "Well, if your never not happy....give me a call." This pissed me off.

My Dad decided against the lift cabinets that Conn's had and we headed out of there. That was the last time I saw or spoke to Shawn.

I have been thinking about Shawn everyday since I heard the news about his death. It just makes me so sad. The reality of the situation regarding our "friendship" years ago in high school is that Shawn and I actually had a lot in common with one another. We had very similar situations at home regarding our mother's. We both had younger sisters that were about the same age. We could have built on so much as far as a friendship relationship goes. Who knows.... we could have still been friends... but I guess it wasn't in the cards.

Shawn needed help. Years ago when I really knew him I realized he needed help. But years ago I realized I needed help..... I just don't understand how our up bringing was so similar with horribly different outcomes. Even though I was angry with Shawn for years, and didn't want anything to do with him, my heart still hurts at his horrible departure. For underneath all of those aggravating things he did to me... I never believed Shawn to be a bad person. I still don't. He was also very kind.... and funny... and thoughtful... and innocent in so many ways. I believed he did what he did out of love for his sister. I don't think what he did was right be any stretch of the meaning, nor do I agree with what he did what so ever. However, I still believe Shawn Jones was a good person, a kind one and am really sad to see him leave.

That's Life :D

2011-05-18T10:26:00.002-05:00

So... it's been awhile since my last post, but hey... that's life right?! :)

I posted the most recent picture of myself that I have. That picture was taken two days ago. I am bored at home this week.... so updating my blog and pictures was on my "to-do" list.

OK....let's see...... I had emergency gall-bladder surgery not last Thursday but the Thursday before that...so on 5/05/2011. I have also been killing myself over at Anytime Fitness...working out six days a week at 3:45 AM - 5:00 AM before work (except for this whole week and last week..... you know Dr.'s orders and all.) At least being home from work has allowed me to finish three of the books I was reading and start my new book for book club.

Also, I am preparing for my girl's trip with my Laura to Galveston, TX on Monday 5/30/2011. I am out of school that week, so we decided to take a little girls trip.

Hmmmm...... what else??? Oh Leandro left CVS and went to Albertson's. Albertson's offered him a good bit more money and his pharmacy manager and one of the other pharmacist transfered there so he went too. He really loves it. I love that store. If you haven't been to the new Albertson's in Denham you need to go ASAP!!!!! It's sooo pretty! The produce, meat, and liquor sections are to die for!!! LOL

Hmm...... oh and we got a dog. We named him Oscar, as in Oscar Mayor Weiner.... if you haven't guessed it yet... he's a weenie dog! LOL

I guess that's pretty much it. Besides my recent gall-bladder removal surgery, I feel fantastic! :)

Sometime

2011-03-08T09:05:00.004-06:00

Good Morning and Happy Mardi Gras! I am off of school today. I don't have to go back until Thursday. It's been sometime since I last posted a blog.....sometimes life gets in the way of little things like blogging lol. Also, its quite amazing how quick things can change in such a short period of time. So I guess I shall just start from the top.....

Our New Condo at Hidden Oaks:

I love it! Sometimes when I am walking the dog (I'll get to that in a minute) I pass the condo labeled 401 and gaze into it's emptiness... thinking how we used to fill all those rooms with our things. But overall, it's amazing how quickly we can adjust to new things. I love having my own craft room.... and Leandro having his own office apart from all of my things.

The Dog:

So....we adopted a dachshund aka a weenie dog and named him Oscar as in (Oscar mayor wiener.) I couldn't stand him at first because he chewed up four pillows, but now I love him. LOL

He's definitely learning not to chew things up and he is getting better all the way around. He is potty trained (Thank god) and the cats are adjusting to him more and more. We still bring the cats in our bedroom to sleep with us at night and make him sleep in the living room because we don't want them to feel like we don't love them anymore lol

The Job:

I LOVE my job!!! I can't express how much I love my job! I know this is what I am born to do because some days when I am pulling out of the parking lot I have tears in my eyes thinking about some of those kids. I even dream about them or spend time laying in bed at night thinking how to help certain ones who are having a difficult time with different lessons. I am constantly thinking on how I can improve myself to be a better teacher and listener. I love teaching and I hope to open my own school in the next five years!

Also, the people I work with I love them all like family. I feel like we are a family over there. It doesn't even feel like work to me. It feels like getting a check every two weeks is just a bonus to being there. I know it seems weird but I really don't even care that they pay me. LOL :)

The Weight:

Is falling falling falling off! I feel fantastic!!! I have lost a total of 57 lbs!!!!!!! I am so excited and I feel great! I am going to post some updated pictures on my other blog today so you can see!

The Future:

Well, I went and saw my OBGYN yesterday and he said he was so proud of me!! He said I can start my fertility treatments in Dec. and feels confident that I will be pregnant by Feb. of next year!!! This is such a big deal for me!!! I am about to cry just typing this....I never thought there would come a time where I would hear him say those words..

So thats pretty much it! We are doing well.... getting ready for the beautiful Spring to come :)

Have a wonderful day and big hugs and kisses from me!!!!

xoxoxox

Love,

Erin

Smaller Numbers

2011-01-28T19:03:00.003-06:00

So lately it seems as though 2011 is all about the smaller numbers....... smaller numbers regarding my weight..... regarding my pay.......regarding our new condo number....... smaller numbers everywhere but with larger results ;)

I am still loosing weight every week (refer to my weight-loss blog for an update on this http://erin-gutierrez.blogspot.com/) so that's wonderful and is helping me so much and I feel great!

The number as far as how much as I am getting paid to teach is smaller than what I was making at the time I left UtiliQuest, but with that comes great benefits and a large opportunity!

Finally, most recent our condo. Apparently the owner of our condo foreclosed and so we are having to move since our lease was up in November. The good news is that the bank is paying us to move and the leasing company that we were going through has offered us a three bedroom two buildings down from where we are now for the same price we are paying now. Therefore, we will be going from Apt. 401 to Apt. 202 lol ;)

So yeah....... all about the smaller numbers in January.....

***

I wanted to add a video to this blog of what band I am currently listening too constantly.... I haven't had any new music on my blog in a while.....

Passion Pit!

Enjoy!

Always early.....

2011-01-28T07:25:00.001-06:00

Good Morning!
I am sitting in the parking lot at work, blogging from my phone waiting for school to open. I have so much to blog about! So many things have happened in the last week. I guess when I get home I will need to sit down and blog it all out lol.
Hopefully I will sleep better tonight! I slept maybe an hour last night because I was coughing all night. Every since I have started my new job as a teacher I have been sick almost every week. These kids are like little virus carriers of EVERYTHING lol!!!
Well, the principle just pulled up so I need to get to my class, I will blog again tonight of all the events and changes happening ;)

Have a beautiful day!! :)
-Erin

Blogging on a plane and the world’s largest motherboard!!! tehehehe

2011-01-22T20:30:00.000-06:00

So, I am on my JetBlu flight 37,540 ft. in the air and traveling at 621 mph. I am pretty excited about seeing Josh! I know I just saw him but I miss him. I wish that we lived closer.

I’m also pretty excited about seeing Martha Stewart on Tues. We are going to have so much fun! There is a 70 % chance of snow on Tues. and Wed. I hope that doesn't interfere with my travel plans on Wed.

This was the first time I ever got on a plane feeling sad. I felt sad and I have no idea why. I mean, I’m excited to see Josh and see Martha and NY and all but I just couldn't help but feeling a little said when I was as the terminal. I guess it has to do with Kayla.

In case you didn't know my cousin Kayla passed away last week. She had a massive heart attack (so they think.) She was three months older than me. We weren't close at all. She was my second cousin but still…… it’s just sad. Her and her husband were married three months after me and Leandro. She wanted babies…… but it never happened for her. It’s just really sad.

Anyway….I don’t want to talk about Kayla anymore because it makes me sad. I am trying to get stoked about seeing Josh and Spiro. Josh texted me right before take off, he seemed upset that I didn't call of text him all day. Honestly, I didn't even think about it….I thought everything was good to go. I think it is traveling etiquette to let the people who are picking you up etc. know that your plane is on-time etc. I didn't even think to do that. Oh well, he will get over it, and if he’s still mad when I get to JFK I will just show him the andy-gator I brought him lol…..

I’m looking out the window and every single time I fly at night and see all the orange colored lights of the city it makes me think of computers. It looks like the world’s largest motherboard. I wonder if Steven Hull ever thought of that? I miss him! Steven if you read this…..I miss you and think of you often! J We need a lunch catch-up session!

There is a cute fate little Asian boy in the seat in front of me who keeps reaching for my laptop…. I keep smiling and saying “no no no you can’t have it…” He’s too cute. ..

Well, I think they are about to start passing out drinks and stuff and I need some coffee since I can’t have any alcohol… :)

Lots of love from high above!!!!

Erin

The Martha Stewart Show

2011-01-05T20:04:00.001-06:00

I won two tickets to see Martha Stewart live in studio on Jan. 25th! I am so excited! I will be flying into JFK airport on Monday Jan. 24th and departing Jan. 25th. That is only three weeks away! I am so happy I can't wait! :)

Hi Ho Hi Ho off to work I go......

2011-01-04T11:20:00.004-06:00

I got a job!!!! yay!!!! Actually, not just a job....but a career LOL. I got a teacher's position at a Montessori school in Baton Rouge. Yesterday was my first day and I LOVED it!!! I am so excited! There are so many good things about this job! Some of the benefits are that I get five paid weeks off a year plus two weeks paid vacation. That's a total of SEVEN WEEKS OFF PAID! Isn't that awesome?! Also, once a month there is a half day on a Friday where I will get paid a whole day! The dress code is jeans or and I quote "just wear whatever's comfortable." The hours are M-F 9-4:30.......NO NIGHTS.......NO WEEKENDS......!!!!!!!!! Also it's a salary position but if you work over forty hours a week you still get paid time and a half!

It seems almost too good to be true. I can work as an uncertified teacher for a year as long as I work under a mentor (the two owners of the school.) After a year, they will pay 100% for me to become certified. Also, if I have kids they will be able to attend free. I am so excited! :)

I am off today. This week I am only working M,W,F but next week I start working M-F!

What a awesome way to ring in the new year than with a new job :)

Huge love!!!!
-Erin :)

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T15:27:00.001-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!!!!!!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful day......(don't forget to eat your black eyed peas and cabbage!!)

Wishing that the new year brings many new wonderful experiences to your life.......

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!

love,

Erin :)

Christmas in the Country....

2010-12-25T21:27:00.005-06:00

Our Bridge in Erwinville from Uncle Tommy's to MoMo's house....all decorated for Christmas...

MoMo's Christmas Tree......

Cuban Coffee.....Christmas style :)

Me pushing Timothy on his new rocking horse that Leandro and I got him for Christmas! :)

Dad and Penny in front of MoMo's tree on Christmas Eve....

Merry Christmas! I hope your Christmas was as wonderful as mine! I hope you enjoyed a few of the pictures I posted from last night and today!

I had the most wonderful day and last night too! I got a fancy smancy Kitchenaid mixer from Dad and Penny which I intend to put to good use very soon. Also, Santa brought me a chimanea...which I can wait to use too!

Merry Christmas and lots of love from my heart to yours!

Love,

Erin

That Spirit of Christmas....

2010-12-21T11:05:00.004-06:00

Christmas is the time of year......

Yesterday was the most wonderful day! My mother and I took Timothy to get his picture taken with Santa Clause at Bass Pro. It has been years since my mother and I did anything like that together. It was so wonderful being able to share that with her. It makes my heart smile so big with Christmas-ie goodness. I feel so blessed. What a wonderful gift to be able to have a day like that with my mom.

Timothy is such a blessing to all of our hearts! I am so happy and thankful for him! He is such a good baby! He didn't even cry when we gave him to Santa....he just looked up at him. :)

Look at the pictures I posted.......look at my mom's smiles!!!!!! She never smiles!!!!! Timothy can bring out a smile in anyone.

This made my whole Christmas! I am trying not to cry when I type this...... I am just so happy... what beautiful memories we made yesterday.....I will never forget......that spirit of Christmas I felt.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Erin

A Steamy Cup of Coffee....and a blog

2010-12-19T10:10:00.006-06:00

Good Moooooorrrrrrrnnnnnningggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg! and Happy Sunday! I am enjoying my steamy cup of coffee and blogging away this morning. I have lots to do to get ready for Christmas next week.

I still have some more gifts I need to make and I need to wash some clothes etc.... Also, I want to watch a Christmas movie today! :) One thing that I am really excited about is the gift I got my Dad! I got him the cast iron chicken fryer that he has been wanting ever since he saw mine. It was kind of expensive, but I don't care! I told Leandro I would gladly give up anything I would be getting for Christmas in order to get this gift for my Dad! I guess that's a good thing since we are not getting each other anything this year for Christmas! LOL

I think Leandro was going to get me a little something but the extra money we had went to the fryer. That is the best gift in itself though! My Daddy has done so much for me this year and has been there for me and has been so supportive........my Christmas wish is to get something really nice for him....so I am so happy and soooo excited!!!!

On a different note..... the picture I posted is a picture of my coffee this morning in the new festive Christmas cup my Mom picked up for me at LeBlanc's supermarket. She is so sweet sometimes. I worry about my mom a lot. I hope that she enjoying the holiday season as much as I am. She seems to be......but sometimes it's hard to tell.

OHHH and yesterday I got all the things that I am going to need for Christmas Day. I am cooking a honey baked ham, macaroni and cheese casserole, and a peach cobbler. I am going to do all the cooking on Christmas Eve! I am sooooo excited!!!! I don't care that I can't eat any of it, LOL I just like to cook it.

So do you wanna know our Run Run Rudolph Christmas dine and dash schedule? LOL

So here it is:

It all starts Christmas Eve............

Christmas Eve Morning:

Cooking all day for Christmas Day.....ham, casserole, desserts......wrapping last minute gifts.....cleaning house

Christmas Eve Evening:

6:00 PM leave for Erwinville..........be in Erwinville for 7.....leave Erwinville for home at 12:30......arrive home at 1:30 AM

Christmas Day:

7:30-Wake up Take showers

8:30-Leave for the In-laws house

9:00-Open gifts with the in-laws and have breakfast as a family

11:30-Leave the in-laws

12:00- Arrive at Maw and Paws house for Christmas Lunch/and gift exchange

2:30- Leave Maw and Paw's

3:00-Arrive and Cj and Jen's for Christmas dessert/gift exchange

4:30- Leave Cj and Jen's

5:00- Arrive at Dad and Penny's for gift exchange

8:00-Leave Dad and Penny's

8:30- Arrive at Buita's for Christmas dinner/ gift exchange

12:30- Leave Buita's

1:00-Home

Day After Christmas:

Christmas with the Morgan's at the In-laws house

I know that looks like complete madness........and IT IS! But it's soooooo much fun! It's like an adventure. It feels just like the movies...lol

We might go to the first house where everyone is bitching and in a horrible mood....but then the next house people are singing Christmas carols....it's just sooo full of surprises...you never know what to expect! LOL

I can't believe we are going to FIVE places on Christmas Day! LOL How exciting!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Erin

Stocking up......

2010-12-18T12:17:00.002-06:00

So I am about to leave to go to my mother's house and then I am off to Winndixie in Walker to go grocery shopping for Christmas.....AHH madness! LOL

I hope it's not as bad as this picture I found on Google. I am smiling right now but angry holiday crowds can sometimes get to me. Perhaps if I think of it as more of an adventure than a chore......LOL

Leandro just brought me a warm cup of coco.....mmmmm.....perhaps I should think of that when I get frustrated! LOL

Merry Christmas Madness Sat.!!!!!!!

Love,

Erin

Today's events....

2010-12-16T23:03:00.002-06:00

So after I stayed awake until 2 AM this morning baking my mother a happy 50th birthday cake, I went to bed feeling accomplished and ready for today. I woke up in a great mood and decided I wanted to surprise my mother with her cake.

So, even though I am not supposed to be able to drive until tomorrow.....I drove over to my Mom's to surprise her! She looked so cute! We hung out all morning until it was time for me to leave and come back home to get ready for my interview at Aero.

I got all cute-zied up and was ready to go. Leandro drove me out to the mall even though he wasn't feeling too good. When I got to the store they said the manager I was supposed to talk to had left for lunch...... or to shop for Christmas...... or some legal stuff. I got told three different things, LOL

One of the employees at the front of the store finally just told me to go and talk to the other manager. When I told him who I was he called the store manager and talked to her on the phone for a while and then came back and asked me if it was OK that she call me later on tonight for a phone interview. I said sure....then peaced outta there.

The manager was supposed to call me at six, but never called. This is the second time that the manager has rescheduled my interview, not to mention she didn't call. I think I am done with this place.... it seems wishy washy.......

Unless she eventually calls me with something worth my while, then I am just going to pass on this one. I came home from the mall and sent out about six more applications online, so hopefully one of them will work out.

Other than the manager not calling.....I had a fantastic day! I got to get out of the house, even if it was only for an hour or so. Tomorrow is going to be great because I can drive again and I am going to run the roads all day in celebration lol.

I am going to go and see Ashlie and give her the Christmas gift I have for her and then I am going to all my favorite craft stores!!!!! YAY!!!! I am so excited!!!

Job Interview...

2010-12-15T23:39:00.003-06:00

OK so tomorrow I have a job interview at Aeropostale for a management position. I don't really want to go back to retail, but if I get the job..... at least it will be something until I find something better.

I look at it two ways...... if I get the job then that means good pay and benefits, and DISCOUNTS!!!! YAY! lol

If I don't get the job then I don't have to work in retail again or drive way the hell out to Bluebonnet or fight rush hour traffic.......

So the way I see it........ it can only be a win win :)

Wish me luck either way!

Love,

Erin

Happy 28th Birthday Stephen!

2010-12-15T02:04:00.003-06:00

This looks like a cake that Stephen would have loved. He always claimed he never cared for sweets too much, but we all knew how much he loved candy! lol

I miss him greatly and think of him often! Leandro and I always says "What would Stephen say?" hahah maybe we should make the bracelets or something WWSS? If we did that then we would all be in trouble.... lol

Well, I am up at 2 am on this Wed. morning thinking about my dear friend and how I wish he was here so I could celebrate his birthday with him.

Stephen,

You are frequently in my thoughts, but forever in my heart...... Happy Birthday!!!!!

We love you!

-Erin

A Relaxing Bath....

2010-12-14T08:45:00.003-06:00

So, when it is 26 degrees outside like it is this morning....all I can think of is taking a long hot relaxing bath......and then getting out and getting bundled up and sipping hot coco. Unfortunately, I can't do either of these because of my diet and incisions! Grr!

I guess thats OK..... I sure do miss my baths the most. I am hoping when I go back to see Dr. Leblanc he will say that it is OK to at least take a hot bath! I can live without the hot chocolate.....but a bath too???? He's pushing his luck with me! Not really...... he's awesome!

I am hoping that it will snow here soon because I want to get some great pictures of it. I don't think it is going to. At one point the weather channel was saying it was, but then it never did. I may take some pictures today just because...... I love taking pictures and I haven't since New York and New England in September. :)

Drumroll please...........BIG NEWS

2010-12-10T18:54:00.004-06:00

Sooooooo I am starting a third blog!! Yes Blog number three!!! This blog will be entilted......

CRAFTS AND CARTWHEELS =)

I am super excited about this blog because I have been a huge reader of crafting blogs for ages now and find that they offer so many creative inspirations that I decided to join what appears to be a party!!!!!

So I just created my new blog .........

here is the link:

http://craftingcartwheels.blogspot.com/

feel free to come and check it out and look for the first post to go up tonight and the first crafting tutorial to show up sometime tomorrow............

hugs and kisses!!!

-Erin

Post-Op Friday

2010-12-10T04:44:00.003-06:00

Soo.....no! I am definitely not looking sexy after my surgery LOL! My right hand is still very swollen from the IV and I am still pretty uncomfortable. Although, my incisions look to be healing really well, (there were six total) I am still feeling pretty yuck. From what I can understand the worse is continuing to be behind me and now I am slowly moving on to a better future.

According to my doctors I will not feel like myself until about two weeks post-op, and right now I am only four days post-op.

However, I must say everyday seems to be better than the last.

So this is my diet for the next eight weeks..........

Phase 1: 1-2 days post-op only clear liquids

Phase 2: last for 2 weeks and includes everything from phase one including full liquids like yogurt, and sugar free pudding etc.

Phase 3: last for 2 weeks, includes everything from Phase 1 and 2 and soft foods like baby food etc.

Phase 4: last for two weeks, includes all previous phases and includes pure-aide foods

Phase 5: all previous phases and start back on regular foods avoiding heavy starches like bread, and rice, and pasta until 6 months post-op

As you can see my journey has really just began...... its still a long road to recovery.

Christmas Memories

2010-12-05T20:16:00.005-06:00

Merry Cajun Christmas! Ya-Eeeeee! LOL

I am excited about Christmas coming up in three weeks... even though I am broke and have no money, I don't even care! It won't break my Christmas spirit! =)

I love a Cajun Christmas! It just melts my little heart..... seafood gumbo....bonfires.....fireworks....and of course friends and family! My heart is smiling so big right now just thinking about that warm and fuzzy feeling that Christmas brings.

It's supposed to snow on Wed or Thurs of this week! I can't belive it! I just posted a blog the other day saying how I didn't think it was going to snow this year in Louisiana. That just goes to show you.... you can never predict the weather in Louisiana.

I am having such a wonderful Christmas already......

Yesterday, my mother in law and I went to Zeas to have lunch with Judy, Donna and Julie. Then, we went to a holiday cooking and decorating class. Later that evening, Leandro and I went to the CVS party at Kyle and Jill's house in Greystone..... wow what an amazingly fantastic day!!

Today, Ashlie came over and we ordered a pizza, drank wine and beer...then made homemade chocolate chip cookies and coffee. I am smiling so big typing this thinking about how much fun these last two days have been. I can hardly wait to find what tomorrow will bring......

Tomorrow, I have a job interview at Aeropostale and then I have to get ready for my surgery on Tues. I am excited!

AND........AND.......my Dad is actually in the Christmas spirit early this year!!!! I know.... I can't hardly believe it myself! He actually put lights up around the house and his tree. I talked to him yesterday and the neighborhood Christmas parade was coming down the road as we talked on the phone and he sounded so excited like a kid again. Penny was at the road taking pictures of Santa Clause. How cute!!! I swear it doesn't get much better than my Daddy!! He's the best!!!!

Christmas time always make me think of the magic of Christmas when I was little and my favorite Christmas. I ask everyone I know "What is your favorite Christmas memory?" The reason I ask everyone this is because not only does it make my heart melt its the way they look when they are describing it. You can see that person going back to that place in their heart! Penny told me about her favorite Christmas and tonight Ashlie told me about how she got the 3ft teddy bear once and she remembered the excitement in her heart when she saw it under the tree, and she wrote a poem to her grandparents for Christmas one year and when she read it to them they all shared a special Christmas moment of joy and love.

I love Christmas! Bottom line! LOL

So Merry Christmas to you and if you are reading this I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas filled with love, and special memories that you will keep in your heart forever.... what a gift, I must say.

With love and Cajun Christmas hugs and kisses

-Erin :)

Baby it's Cold Outside.......

2010-12-03T12:43:00.006-06:00

Well baby it's cold outside...... It seems like it's getting colder by the hour. How exciting!! Christmas is:

http://www.xmasclock.com/

21 days away if you decided against viewing the Christmas clock. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner, and my surgery next Tuesday. I am starting to feel the stress of the two being weeks apart of each other. It just seems as if everything is crammed into this month. It's sort of funny if you think about it. I have more coasters to make before Tuesday for people who placed orders, I am half way through my Christmas list, I have a job interview on Monday, and surgery on Tuesday. LOL It's December madness!! Also, I am trying to quit smoking which makes me a little on the crazy side.

On a more peaceful note.... I don't think it's going to snow this year for Christmas. I wish it would! The snow makes everything look so beautiful! I can just picture myself all wrapped up in my warm clothes and big scarves with a huge cup of coffee and a crochet blanket sitting on the porch watching the snow flakes fall. Ahhhh.... that sounds so nice!

Well, I have a lot to do today. I need to get the house ready for my surgery and get some things together to mail out. I need to make a sympathy card for Penny's aunt who just lost her husband :( and I have a freezer bag of pecans that were picked at MoMo's that I want to mail to Aunt Kay and Uncle Brian.

So happy Friday!!!! I hope you have a good day and a nice weekend!!

hugs and kisses!!!! xoxoxo

Erin :)

Need to Vent......

2010-11-14T11:22:00.002-06:00

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got off the phone with my mother, and as usual I want to pull out all of my hair now. I just called her this morning and invited her over for a cup of coffee and to visit. It's as simple as a "yes I can" or a "no I can't." But no....... not with my mother.....things are never that simple. It's almost noon and she still can't give me a yes or no.

I don't even care anymore. That is why I never call and invite her over because we always spend hours on the phone all day and ultimately around 4:00 PM she calls back and starts apologizing saying she's not coming. Sometimes I don't even know why I try with her.

I know she loves me, but she doesn't care about anything if it doesn't involve her, Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim or Timothy. Every time I talk to her she wants to know when Leandro and I are going to have babies. She has no interest in our lives besides that.

I guess it just hurts my feelings. Last night we went over to my in laws house and visited with my mother-in-law for hours. I am so grateful for her. I didn't want to leave but we had to because Leandro had to be at work early this morning.

,I wish my mom and I could have a relationship like that. Every time I am around my mother she just talks about her and Mr. Brian, Katy, Tim and Timothy for hours. That's all she wants to talk about.

My surgery is December 7th and she "wrote it down" but I know she won't be there or even come to see me once I get home. Even though I am aware of this I still have a tiny inkling that tells me she will be there, but I try not to think about that because I know I am just setting myself up for disappointment.

I feel like an asshole. LOL I really do because part of me is like "Erin! you should be ashamed of thinking that way that is your MOTHER." the other part of me is like "Who gives a shit about her, she is a selfish bitch who was never a mother to you."

I am sooo confused. I try over and over again trying to be a good daughter and try and accept her for who sh is but it doesn't work. I find myself getting stressed out when I am around her. She doesn't call me very much and when she does she leaves messages on my voicemail that says shit like "I was wondering if you could come over and cook me some soup" or "I tried to call Katy but can you bring me some cigarettes I am out and don't feel like leaving the house" or "can you baby sit Timothy today, I didn't sleep last night." She leaves messages like this after not speaking to me for weeks or even months at a time. When I call her and if she even answers she immediately ask me
"can I call you back I am _________ <- insert random thing here."

Leandro tells me to just leave her alone and I do but then I feel guilty. I don't know...... I guess I just need to vent it out......

Random Thoughts.....

2010-10-10T11:07:00.004-05:00

you know.... I was just thinking...... sometimes I just can't stop thinking and thinking. I feel like I have so much to think about..... all the time. I feel like there is so many things to think about that I will never have time for them all.

Today on this beautiful Sunday I am typing this blog from my grandparent's house, as my grandmother watches the Catholic Mass on TV and my grandfather reads his paper and sips his coffee. I sit here in front of their computer.....thinking.......

I remember when my family and I used to live in Hot Springs Arkansas. It so so beautiful there at this time of year. Perhaps I should plan a road trip in February of next year? It would be nice to experience Arkansas once again. Leandro has never been. It would be nice to show him where we used to live and where I played.

One thing I like about this weather is that sometimes early in the morning there is a cool refreshing breeze. I wish we had mountains or a Forrest around here that I could get lost in, and take in the early morning air. Or perhaps a stream I where I could soak my feet in the days evening.

I went to the park last week and the day was so nice. I bought a picnic basket today so Leandro and I can picnic on Wed. or Thurs. when he's off. Every time I pass North Park I see those tennis courts and think about the time Ashlie and I played tennis for like four hours in the rain. That was a good day!

You know something else I have been thinking about lately..... is drugs. It seems like almost every person I know is on some sort of drug like; anti-depressants, pain pills, pills for sleep, pills for wake, pills to be happy, pills to make you concentrate, pills to settle you down, pills to make you loose weight, pills to have a baby, pills to prevent from having a baby..... and on and on and on. I am so sick of people telling me about all of their pills and how they have to have them. I'm not really talking about blood pressure pills and such, but like mental pills!!!grrrsdfklasdkljfasldjfasldjflasdfjlasdkjfalskjflaskdjflaskdjflaskjflasdkjflaksjdflasdlfasjdlfasjdlfjasldfjasldfjlksjdflaskjdflasdkjfls <----- me going crazy!!!!!!! LOL

Doesn't anyone experience life anymore the way it's intended to be experienced? I feel like people have to self-control or discipline, not that I'm an angel.... I have my own demons tar-ust me! lol

It just saddens me...... I feel like I am one of the only people I know that's not on any pills. When I go to the doctor and they ask "Current medications?" I always say "Advil?....." I guess I'm just lucky... I dunno

I talked to my Dad again today. I am so thankful for our close relationship. I saw my mother today too when I left Maw and Paw's. She still hasn't been to see them. I went by Mom's because I was passing by and I didn't have the heart to pass her house without stopping. She just makes me sad sometimes. She has no interest in me at all. I just wish that she was as interested in me as she is with Katy. She always says over and over that she's so sorry that she never calls me and what not and it has nothing to do with Leandro and I not having kids, but I know that's exactly what it is because she says it over and over and I have never once brought that up to her.

I miss my mother! When she says things like that it hurts my feelings and I just close my eyes and remember what she was like when we were really little. I remember how she helped us dye eggs, and how she would play games with us, and in that one second while she is talking saying things that hurt me I am thinking of all the wonderful memories of her and that way by the time I open my eyes all I can do is smile and think about how much I love her.

I just wish for once while she was talking to me I could just look at her in the face without having to close my eyes and just smile. ...........

Well.....I guess I've have got out everything on the surface of my mind for now........ :)

Two Points for Honesty!

2010-10-08T20:06:00.003-05:00

So, I haven't blogged in some time....... I am WAY over due! LOL

OK....so what's new....

Short Version:

Well I went to New York and New England, came back from New York and New England. Had a fight with my insurance company. Changed Doctors. Resolved issues with my insurance company. Felt Happy. Felt Sad. Felt Inspired, and Inspired someone. Got dressed up for a night on the town, stayed home on a Friday night. Started watching Grey's Anatomy for the first time. Got the sniffles and took some Zyrtec. Took my Dad to the airport, slept at the hospital with my grandmother, made soap, and cooked steak and shrimp for Josh when he was in town. Had a daiquiri, wine, and a bloody mary after a tough day. Made home made vegetable soup, thought about making cookies but decided against it. Went to the park, picked pecans and painted skull mask with Kaden. Got some new jeans, threw out some old jeans. Went to the film festival and witnessed a fight. Drove to my Dad's and had visions of when I was a little girl, felt sad again, then happy. Talked about how much I loved the weather changes to everyone I saw. Dressed up like a clown to surprise my grandmother at the hospital, made oatmeal soap for CJ. Mailed a letter, emailed a letter. Danced with my cats. Little miss disappeared for two days but now shes back. Broke into a vacant apartment. Maw had surgery. Joanie had surgery. Cj had surgery. Stole my mom's vacuum but plan to bring it back. Watched a Saint's game. Watched an LSU game. Watched part of an Alabama game. Cooked dinner for Nick. Jacob spent the night. Stayed up too late and went to bed too early. Went to the Mall, ran into John. made Stephen dead jokes and got invited to a Halloween party. Waxed my eyebrows. Thought about blogging but didn't until now. Saw my cousin Shelly and Jamie too. Went to Petco and pet kittens. Thought about dying my hair but didn't. Got offered two manager jobs but declined them for now. Thought about previous jobs. Found some new music. Experienced some old music. Ate too little and felt sick. Ate too much and felt sicker!

Well, WOOOOO! LOL That about covers it for now. Did you get all that? LOL

Big Hugs and Kisses from my heart to yours!

Love,

Erin

Falling Head Over Hills for the Fall Season!!!!

2010-09-12T08:16:00.004-05:00

The Fall is almost among us! I am soooooooo excited! Fall is one of my favorite seasons!!! So many things to look forward too....... leaving the windows open to catch the Fall breeze.... the beautiful colors around us....Halloween....picking a pumpkin and pumpkin pie......wow, I am in love already!!

I can not wait!!!!!!! I want it here now, LOL! Starting off the Fall season is the Manhattan Short Film Festival on October the 1st! I am really looking forward to this, we went last year and had too much fun!

I have a lot of decorating ideas for the Fall this year as well. I can't wait to get started! I think I am going to get some pumpkins and decoupage them for inside and outside. Kaden will love that project!

Also, a new thing to look forward to this Fall is TIMOTHY'S 1st BIRTHDAY on NOVEMBER 17th!!!!!!!!! That little man is getting so big, so fast! He is so precious!

It's still hot out....... but before you know it in a flash it will turn into a cool breeze! :)

HAPPY FALL SEASON!!!!!

Home again.....

2010-09-09T11:12:00.005-05:00

MGMT was our theme music for our road trip :)

So.....I flew back in to the "Big Easy" last Sunday night........ it sure does feel nice to be back home!

I had such a great trip!!!! Here a just a handful of pictures from my trip to New York and New England.......

This was Josh and I's secret spot that we discovered in White Mountain National Forrest in New Hampshire. It was so breath taking...........

This was taken in White Mountain National Forrest as well......can you see how exhausted we were from driving all night with no sleep?! I had circles under my eyes..... LOL it was so worth it though!!!!!

This was take on the Brooklyn Bridge in New York....

This trip to NY and New England was truly and adventure!!!! I had so much fun and have memories that I will look back on forever! This trip really made me realize how much I miss Josh! I wish we still lived next door to one another and saw each other everyday! He is my soul mate........ we are the same person LOL

How I miss him so much already...............but other than that......it's nice to be back home!

The soundtrack of your life....

2010-09-02T10:40:00.003-05:00

(Last night Josh and I were talking about songs that would be on the soundtrack of our lives.... this song would be on mine.... I don't know what it is about this song..... it just makes me smile over and over again.... I love it)

Today is DAY 3 in NEW YORK!!!! I am having such a fabulous time!!! Josh and his friends have treated me so very kindly!!! I am having so much fun, but I am missing my love!

We had so much fun!!!! We went to Times Square again....it's so beautiful there! We walked through Central Park and I got to see Strawberry Fields! I got to see Rebecca Breaden again and we all had a drink.

I miss Leandro so very much, but I am having such a great time. Today we are going to Coney Island and I am going to ride the hundred year old Cyclone wooden roller coaster...yikes!!!! I am also going to ride the Ferris Wheel and try and take some pictures at sunset!

Tonight, will be my last time in the city during this visit but that's OK, because then there is New England and New London later this week. There is supposed to be a hurricane, but we shall adjust our plans accordingly.

Portland, Maine...

2010-08-28T21:33:00.002-05:00

So, In two more days I am leaving for New York. I am also very excited about touring New England! I am excited about Boston....but I think I am mostly excited about seeing Portland, Maine. That is where Josh and I are going to be staying at.... and I must say...it looks so incredibly beautiful!

I would love to retire in Maine...... it definanteley looks like my type of plac

I am so excited...... there are so many places I want to see...China, Spain, England, Ireland,e where I could see myself living. France, Italy, Rome.......so many more.

Next year Leandro and I are going to try and make it over to Spain...or take a tour of Europe. I wish traveling didn't cost so much LOL

In New York....where dreams are made of...

2010-08-27T21:30:00.004-05:00

So my trip is in 3 days!!!! I am so excited!!!! This is pretty much what Josh and I have decided...

Tues-> I fly in and we plan to spend the night around town on Long Island

Wed-> Manhattan and Coney Island in Brooklyn!!

Thurs-> Manhattan, lunch, teas, rice pudding, and watching Mosque fights lol

Fri-> headed to New England driving all night to Portland, Maine (lobster in Maine and staying in Portland)

Sat-> Experiencing all of New England, and driving back to Long Island

Sun-> The beach at Montauk in search for another Montauk Monster LOL and back to JFK for 8:30 to catch my flight back to LA

I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were always on my mind....

2010-08-23T14:24:00.005-05:00

You were always on my mind...... even though this is a song about romantic love.... there is somethings in this song that make me think of Stephen. It makes me cry when I hear it.... wishing he was still here so I could tell him whats on my mind........ I guess today is just one of those days..... I haven't had a bad one in a long time.... but today is hard. I just can't stop thinking about how much I love and miss him! It still hurts so bad at times.....

I feel blessed with every dream I have of him...where we are laughing and smiling, but waking up is the hardest part. I wake so sad.... wanting to cry.....I just want to hug him so tight and tell him that I love him so much!!!

I wish he was still here! I know it's OK to be sad sometimes...... and it's OK to miss him..... I just hate days like this.......it hurts my heart!

So....... I thought I would write a letter to him..... to get it out.

Stephen,

I can hardly describe how much I miss you! Sometimes I feel so weak....... I am taking your advice and enjoying life...I just wish you were here to share it with us. I am going to New York in about 8 days and I can't help but think that you were so excited for the next time we visited New York you were supposed to be by our sides.

I miss you begging me to cook you "anything but fish" and coffee together..... nagging me to go to TCBY.... sharing music.....our talks....when you said you loved me.....and hugged me.... I miss you Stephen! I miss you really bad! I wish you were here with me..... I think about you expressions the mostly....and you smiles.... I miss those the most.

Things are really going well for us....... I just wish you were here to see it! I left a Yohoo at your grave site...I hope that doesn't count as littering.... I bought two one for me and left one for you....just like old times...

I like to think Leandro and I got the best of you during your short time here...... I am so grateful for that, and I cherish those memories and moments. I guess I just wanted to say....you are always on my mind...... and I love you so very much!! I will bring you back something from New York and leave it at your resting place.....I know it's not the same but it's the best I can do..... I love you! I miss you!

Love Always,

Erin

New York New York!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-17T23:05:00.004-05:00

Start spreading the news........

New York!!!!!!!!! Here I come again!!!! I am going to New York again in two weeks!!!!!! I fly out Tues August 31st at 9:50 AM on a non stop flight via Jet Blue and will be arriving in New York at 1:45 PM! from there I will take the air train from JFK airport to Ronkonkomo where Josh will be picking me up! :)

I am so excited!!!! I will be there for five days!!!! Leandro will be in Destin on his guys trip with his Dad and all of his brothers. So it will just be me and Josh... I will miss him but at least Josh and I will have some one on one time. It's going to be a blast!!!

While we are there Josh thought it would be fun to drive up to Boston for a night and then head to Maine to wine country and kayaking in the Hudson!

So on this trip I will be able to see New York again, Boston, Maine, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Connecticut! :)

It's so weird how things work out sometimes! LOL

When I get back then I will have my surgery and then Josh will be back here for a week long visit Sept. 25th.

This will be my first time flying by myself and it's only my 4th time ever flying. I am not worried! I am more excited about it than anything! I am going to take LOTS of pictures!!! I am going to try and post some blogs while I'm there too! This will be my first time flying Jet Blue which I heard is one of the best airlines to fly. Last time Leandro and I flew American Airlines and I was not impressed to say the least lol

In the mean time I guess I need to try and get everything ready here at home for when I have my surgery since I will be out of commission for about a week.

Wish me luck!!!! (Blows big kiss)

I've got the world on a string.........

2010-08-10T22:50:00.002-05:00

I thought this song was quite appropriate for how I am feeling right now. I am having surgery in about a month.....and I may even have a job interview before the end of the week or the beginning of next week!!

One of the locators I used to work with called me today and told me about a possible job as a recruiter for ITT Tech Institute. I really hope I get it because it's double what I made at UtiliQuest and if I decide to attend school there it will be almost free!!! :)

What better news..... Even if I don't get it I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but overall I am pretty excited! Either way.... I'm still happy!! The first thing that came to mind when he called was "Awwww and just when I thought they all forgot about me" The second thing I thought was "Uh Oh that Steven's school nemesis! LOL"

From what I can gather ITI despises ITT lol, but hell I didn't go there so it doesn't bother me any! LOL

I'm doing it for me.........Cha Cha Changes!! VSG!

2010-08-07T15:51:00.000-05:00

Well.....I started this blog about my new low-carb lifestyle..... and before that it was "eating clean." I finally got fed up with failed diets and the stress and heart ache of being overweight, PCOS symptoms, infertility, and overall discomfort.

So what did I do.......... I sought a medical professional. I went to my seminar with Dr. Bellanger yesterday and there is where I learned about vertical sleeve gastrectomy or GSV, and how it opens a window of hope for women like me who have PCOS. The symptoms of PCOS after surgery eventually disappear...... this was all I needed to hear!!! My heart sank into my chest as I started to cry in the doctor's office. For so long I didn't feel like a real woman because of PCOS. It makes me feel ugly and unwanted, even though I know my husband loves me and wants me. It's not about him....... I feel like the PCOS prevents me from being the woman that I know I am.

All the symptoms of PCOS:

Obesity

Infertility

Irregular periods or heavy periods

Unwanted facial hair

This surgery fixes ALL OF IT except for the facial hair thing but I got rid of that issue a while ago...with my fancy smancy waxing kit LOL

I am so excited!!! My life will never be the same! I will never be fat again, or have to worry about missed periods and take Metformin every single day of my life just to keep the symptoms at bay!!!! This surgery will be the greatest gift I ever give myself!!! I am crying write now writing this! A chance to be normal....... :)

The surgery takes approx. 50 minutes and is done by Laparoscopy. Here is a short video showing how the procedure is done:

Yes, they will be removing a portion of my stomach........ it seems intense but it's OK. I was a little freaked out at first but I am OK now. This was definitely a decision that I made on my own for myself. I am choosing this, and I am happy for me :)

So please be my friend..... and give me your support through this :)

Love you!!

Good Riddance!!!!

2010-08-03T22:59:00.004-05:00

Baby you can drive my car.....Baby you can have my car....it's a POS! LOL

Well, I started writing this blog a few days ago so I thought I would go ahead and finish it now.

Leandro and I finally sold that POS Honda Civic. The irony is that is that we sold it back to the same crooks we bought it from in the first place. Karma is a bitch for sure....LOL

But seriously...... this is what I mean by Good Riddance!

So many things have changed in my life in the past few months! I got laid off from my job, we sold the car, I am finally having that surgery I need, we got rid of the truck, I taught my cats to "shake," I wrote a children's book, and from what I gather UtiliQuest will be closing it's offices in Louisiana effective November 1st. It seems so strange to me how things turn out sometimes.

I am glad I got laid off from UtiliQuest. I enjoyed working there so much and have memories that will been in my mind and in my heart forever, but in the end I am glad it happened. I am finally making time for myself and snapping out of the same monotonous routine and concentrating more on myself and my dreams. Overall....... I feel really happy! I feel happier now then I have been in a long time and I am having "the time of my life!" I plan to live every day not as my last....but as my first...reinventing and discovering myself all over again.

So it was a good run........but good riddance UtiliQuest.....time to welcome a new time :)

Whoop Whoop Wee.... Happy Birthday to me........

2010-07-21T22:27:00.005-05:00

I started writing this blog on my birthday, but never finished it.....so I will just pick up where I left off.

On July, 22 I turned 27. So much has changed in the last year....in the last few weeks......

I have to say..... for the first time in a very long time I feel happy! I feel thankful for my life.... thankful for being here to celebrate my 27th birthday..... thankful for everything! I would like to think that I will still be blogging at 28 and will come back to this blog and read how my life was at 27.

So, at 27 my Dad is finally getting the teeth implants that he needed so very much and deserved even more. He is happier now than I have ever seen him. He is enjoying his time off away from work and is finally getting to just take it easy for a little while and relax! I couldn't';t be more happier or proud of him!

Katy and Tim are still struggling financially, but both have so much love for their son that it doesn't seem to bother them too much. Timothy is worth all the financial hardships that come along with him, and in due time they will find there way! Timothy was just baptised this past Sunday into the Catholic Church and it was quite rewarding and such and honor to be appointed to be his godmother and Leandro his godfather.

My mom and I have grown a lot closer. She seems happy! I hope she is....I think she is. I know by Timothy being born lit her up inside and I haven't seen that flame dim at all since his birth. It's like she tries hard to be a better person for Timothy and would do anything for him! I am proud of her!!!

My in-laws are doing good. Lynette is doing so good in school and I ma so very proud.... it takes a lot to go back to school at her age or even after being out of it for so long. She is such a strong woman. I envy her and try to model certain aspects of my life from her. She is a true inspiration!

Laura and I have got a lot closer too. She is my best friend! I am thankful for our wonderful relationship and feel like I can go to her with anything! She is one of the few people I have ever met that I feel truly understands me.

I miss working with CJ at UtiliQuest. I just miss him in general and I am thankful for our relationship! I am going to text him today telling him how much I miss him!! =) He was there in a way I needed him the most. He helped me so much when Stephen died and for that I will NEVER forget. He tried to take the pain away...... I love him so much!

I miss my friends at UtiliQuest..... but now I feel like that chapter in my life is over. I try to think that maybe the lay off was a good thing because I was at a dead end anyway. I have recently talked about working on my dreams instead......photography!

I still talk to Steven Hull almost everyday. He is a true friend to me. =)

Bachus and Juno are getting too big!!! hah hahahah I look at them sometimes and think about the way they would come and lay be me when I was crying when Stephen died and no one was around to hold me. I love them so much!!

I still worry about my brothers everyday. Logan and now Lino and Nick are in Colorado. I am glad for them but I can't help but worry about them on a daily basis....hoping they don't get into too much trouble. Sweet Lu is still here and we just went on vacation together two weeks ago. It's not just a clever name......he is such a sweet-Lu!!! LOL

Maw and Paw are doing good. They came over after Timothy's baptism and we all ate jambalaya and petitfores that I cooked the previous day. It was really nice. I am going to go over there soon and clean there house. I love being around them! =)

Joanie and I have gotten a lot closer too. I love her so much and I am so proud of her and Rocky for doing what they continue to do for Kaden. He loves them so much! Kaden is such a blessing to my heart! He makes me smile even when I don't feel like it. Yesterday I took him to Bass Pro and I told him he could pick out a toy. Once we were walking to check out I said, "you remembered to bring your money right?" He looked back at me and said "Huh? What you talkin bout ain't Erin....your paying for this!" I couldn't help but laugh and just say "I guess I am."

Timothy has the best smile I have ever seen. He looks like my mom a lot when she smiles. He gives me purpose to want to be a better person. I want the very best for him and will do whatever it takes to see that he gets everything he needs in life. We love him so much!

MoMo sent me a birthday card on my birthday where she wrote out the first two lines of Happy Birthday to you...... she is the best!!! She always makes me smile. I received the birthday card the day before my birthday and when I called her to tell her thank you and even though I received it a day which was not my birthday it made my whole day. He response to this was "Well.... if it made your day and made you laugh just read it again tomorrow!" LOL

I am thankful for all my wonderful friends and family. I am truly and utterly just HAPPY! I can not wait for today and tomorrow.......and the next..... and next..... Life is such a wonderful thing! Happy Birthday to me!!!!

The Lay Off :(

2010-07-07T22:05:00.004-05:00

Well, yesterday unfortunately, was my last day at UtiliQuest. I miss it already. I was laid off due to "economic hardships." I feel some what lost without being there. I miss the people the most though. Even though they told me that I was a "model employee and did nothing wrong" I feel like I am being punished.

I feel like I did everything they asked me to do and more. I am not angry about it...... I understand. I am just disappointed I guess. I will greatly miss working there. I can't help but think of how it is without me. I miss Steven. He was the one person who truly befriended me when I first started. I am sure I will still see him but it's just not going to be the same. I am really going to miss his jokes about making like a damage and cut outta here..... I miss him already!

I miss Jeremy's negative since of humor and even Shannon's "Heyyyyyyyy mannnnnnnnn." LOL It will truly be a time in my life that I will greatly miss and never forget!!!

1 year ago today............

2010-06-25T08:18:00.003-05:00

1 year ago today I lost my best friend........... it still hurts so very bad at times. I guess the pain of his loss will never really leave me.

The picture above was at Doug's in Port Allen. I look horrible in that picture but Stephen looks so great. He always did though!

I often think about how much I would enjoy going back and doing it all over again. Meeting him....thinking he was a jerk....then realizing he was a jerk that stole my heart LOL. I miss him so bad!

I miss everything about him. I could go on for days about everything that I miss about him. I don't know what to do today..... I guess I am just down in the dumps....... I miss my friend :(

This weekend I am going to pay his resting place a visit and have a Yohoo......... maybe that will give my thoughts a little peace.....hopefully.......

Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha-nges.........

2010-06-14T08:54:00.003-05:00

Like the great David Bowie....... I am going through Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha-nges.........!

So what's going on you ask...well let's start off with work, last Friday was Mike's last day, so that sucks :( and this Friday is CJ's last day. That means now I will be working for Kyle Pearson. I don't know why I am going to miss CJ working here so much, I just am. I don't mind working for Kyle though, he's pretty legit LOL. It's just going to be weird without CJ here.

Also, it seems these days I am more focused on living and life than I have been in the past. I still miss Stephen every single day, but I am trying to get back on track and focus on life and all it has to offer.

I am losing weight every week....so that's good! I am trying to get my weight down to what it was before I settled into a desk job. I am going on vacation next month for a whole week, which I am really looking forward too, and me and my mom are talking again.....

It seems like life is good at the moment. I know it's not always perfect so I am just trying to enjoy it while it last!!! Overall, I feel like a lucky girl!!! :)

Happy 3rd Anniversary!

2010-06-09T09:47:00.005-05:00

This is a picture of Leandro and I on our wedding day having our first dance as a married couple to our wedding song "Fly me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra.

I dreamed of having that as my wedding song ever since I was a tiny little girl. We ever practiced our dance a few nights before the wedding. We had so much fun! :)

I remember my wedding day very well. I stayed the night at my Dad's house the night before. I could hardly eat that night, I was so nervous. I could tell Daddy was proud of me just by the way he looked into my eyes on the morning of my wedding. He could tell I was nervous! He was excited! He gave me a great big hug and said "you ready?" He broke out into a song and dance of "Erin's gettin married....Erin's gettin married....take me to the chapel....cuz I'm gonna get married...." Haha ha ha ha ha He has to be the best Dad ever! LOL

I remember my Dad stressing out at Carter's because they didn't have all the meat cut up and ready like they were supposed too for the jambalaya. While Daddy was waiting to get the meat I bought us both a breakfast sandwich. I scarfed it down I was so hungry! lol

I remember getting to the hall early and looking around at the empty place and trying to imagine what it would look like with all of our family there. I helped with the decorations before it was time to get ready. I was so excited!

I remember they way I walked in my wedding dress with short little kicks so I wouldn't trip. Katy and I always laugh when we think about my Dad.....

Preacher: Who gives this woman away to be married

Dad: Me. John Gremillion

We laugh because Dad said he thought he needed to use his legal name. LOL He did they same thing at Katy's wedding.

I remember the way Leandro looked at me as I walked down the isle, and he hands were all sweaty because he was nervous.

There are so many wonderful things I remember about that day, and a few sad things as well. I really wish my mom would have been there, but I understand. It just makes me mad that I made her a DVD of our wedding and she never even watched it because she said it makes her too sad, and when I showed her pictures of me in the wedding dress, well I had to beg her to look at them, and when she did she said "who's that girl!" I said me :( She didn't even recognize me.

But, I am not letting her run my wedding day or my wedding day memories. My wedding was the best day of my life so far. I miss Stephen. He was the best best man anyone could have ever asked for. He took his role seriously! lol

I miss that day...... and today is a nice little reminder of how blessed I am. I am very thankful for all of the wonderful friends and family I have, and thankful for the wonderful memories and time I had with the ones who are no longer here. But most of all... I am thankful for my husband..... the love of my life......

A Suprise from Maw and Paw :)

2010-06-08T12:54:00.003-05:00

My grandparents sent me this lovely card to my work today! I thought that was so incredibly sweet! I am going to call them and thank them when I get off of work. I wonder if my mom will call me tomorrow.....?

Leandro and I don't have any plans for tomorrow. We both work. When I get off of work I am going back to Mr. Brain's house to work on his Internet and meet Cox out there. I was going to re schedule for Thursday but Leandro said I might as well go Wed. since we aren't doing anything.

We were supposed to spend all day Sat together celebrating it since we can't do anything on Wed. but then last night Leandro cancelled :(

He said that he had forgotten that he already made plans with Jacob to film a skit on Sat like months ago and other people will be there too so he can't cancel. Man! Talk about hurt my feelings :*( He said "maybe if I get home not too late that night.....would you wanna do something?" I said no. I don't want to get my hopes up for a maybe. It just sucks because I didn't make any plans for Sat. I was so excited...... and now I will just be at home......alone......cleaning house...... :(

The Circus ....

2010-06-08T08:04:00.005-05:00

So on Sunday Ashlie, Jackson, Katy and me went to the circus. They came to Baton Rouge. We had a grand 'ole time LOL. I was some what impressed and some how disappointed at the same time.
I haven't been to the circus since I was like 7 years old, and Katy had never been before. So, since Kaden couldn't make it I thought it would be nice if I treated my sister :) She had a great time!
I remember the circus being a lot bigger when I was little, but I guess that was because I was so little. I only went once. I was around seven I think. I remember elephants, lions, horses, monkeys, tigers, ponys, horses, birds, and camels.
The one we saw on Sat. was the same company but they didn't have any monkeys, camels, ponys, or tigers. It was still really neat, but it had much more of a modern theme to it. One of the clowns even had an ipod.
Overall, we had a great time. :)

A Night Out to the Ballet.....

2010-06-04T14:56:00.002-05:00

Last night Ashlie and I attended the ballet at the Manship theatre in down town Baton Rouge. It was so amazing! It was beautiful!!! I had a blast! Ashlie and I were talking about how much we enjoy attending events at the Manship! It's such a nice theatre! The Playmakers are performing Sleeping Beauty this month there as well and I mentioned it to CJ, and we might try and take all the kids! Sounds like a blast!!!

After the ballet we went over to Schlitz and Giggles and had a couple of laughs, a drink and some pizza (I only ate the toppings because of my diet.)

It was so much fun and I love my girl nights like that! I am so thankful for wonderful friends!!!

The D Word!

2010-06-03T11:47:00.003-05:00

A very dear friend of mine is having a really tough time. Her and her husband are talking about divorce. That just breaks my heart! Not only do I love them both and their child.... I hurt for them. I hate to see anyone hurting like I know Divorce hurts people.
When my parents got a divorce it hurt my sister and I so very much, not to mention my parents. They hurt for so long after the separation. I hate to see anyone go through this or even talk about it. I am going to do everything in my power to try and be supportive, regardless what the final decision ends up being...... I hope they will work it out.

The Brave Little Toaster.....

2010-05-25T18:29:00.005-05:00

This is a picture from the beloved movie "The Brave Little Toaster" that was released in 1988. I used to love this movie when I was a little girl. My mom "taped" it for us. LOL

If you have never seen it then you should really check it out! It's a really good movie! To really understand the full meaning of this blog you will need to know a little bit about this movie, so check it out here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092695/

Well, it turns out I have my very own "Brave Little Toaster" :D .........................

I saved it! This toaster pictured above was inches away from the trash can, but I rescued it! It still works! This toaster was the toaster my parent's had when I was just a little girl.

I was standing on my tip toes to reach the button to toast my bread....... and my baby sister...... did the same just a few short years after me. I swear my parents probably never cleaned this old thing.

I was at Dad and Penny's house the other night and Penny said she was going to throw it out (even though it still worked) because it was old and the handle was broken. My heart shed a tear for the poor old thing....I jumped in front of it screaming at her "NO!!!! are you crazy!!! this is my childhood!!!!" We all laughed but then I really didn't have the heart to see it be thrown away in the trash.

My Dad has remodeled the entire house on 12898 Danya Dr. He has remodeled everything from the outside air conditioner unit stand to the ceilings painted throughout the house. There is hardly a single thing left in that house from his life before.... or our life before. The house looks amazing, but it doesn't feel like home to me anymore. All of the things that were from my childhood in that house have either been tossed out or put away in the hot attic. It's quite sad when I think of it like that.....but then again what am I expecting him to do....live with all that and not move on......I could never ask him to do that nor would I want him to. It's just one of those things in life.............

Any how, I decided I was taking this toaster home. If you have ever seen the movie "The Brave Little Toaster," then you will know this was one brave little toaster. When my Dad pulled it out of the cabinet it was still in the same place it had been, hidden away, for all those years at Danya. My Dad had all of the old cabinets pulled out and new ones resided where the old ones used to be. That tells me that at some point my Dad had to take that toaster out of the old cabinets and put it back into the new ones. I wonder if he thought about it........ I wonder if it made him remember the way it made me.......

I brought it home and cleaned it. I cried like a baby the whole time thinking that I might be washing away Katy's finger prints from when she was four years old, or my mother's. I know I am a loser....... but it just made me sad. Well, considering it's age...... I think it looks pretty darn good.............

****Side Note****

I wrote this blog on 5/25/2010, It was delayed in posting, because upon finishing it I got really ill and had to stop. Sorry, for the delay........ :)

Flowers at work....

2010-05-25T14:45:00.003-05:00

FLOWERS AT WORK!!!!! FOR ME????? FROM LEANDRO?!??!?!? WHAT?!?!?!? LOL

Leandro is so anti-flowers, however, he brought me these babies at work today because he knew I was having a bad day!!!!! My heart just melted all over the place!!!! That is so incredibly sweet and thoughtful!!!!

A Weak Moment .....

2010-05-25T10:34:00.006-05:00

I am very sad today. I have these weak moments from time to time. I am struggling with infertility and PCOS. I am on a diet trying to loose weight and taking my medicine...... hoping and praying that one day.....just maybe...... I will have a little one of my own and complete my family!

It's just hard is all. You think .......I have plenty of time......we have loads of time......but then I think of Stephen. All the time he should have had left, but didn't........ and it makes me sad.

Tonight I babysit Kaden. When I am bathing him I can't help but think I am stealing memories from Shelly. If she only knew what she was missing....... I wonder if she knows. I love listening to him talk to me.....about school, or saying "do we have to cut my toe nails tonight?"

It's just not fair how it's so easy for some people.... to have a child. I think of all the people who have abortions and it hurts my heart to think of that. I don't understand for the life of me how anyone could ever do that, especially when there are people like me who want one so bad and can't have one.

I am doing what my doctor said. I am on a low carb diet. I am taking my Metformin twice a day. He said he wants Leandro to take a sperm count test, before giving me fertility treatments. Leandro seems to think I don't need fertility treatments. He thinks we can get pregnant with just the Metformin. He goes back and forth whether or not he wants to take that test. So, without his participation....... all I can do is stay on my diet, take my medicine and pray.

I don't know why he doesn't want to do it. He says it's uncomfortable.... perhaps he scared. I don't know. He doesn't like to talk about it when I bring it up. When I ask him why he has a million reasons it seems...."it's costly......we don't need that test......it's uncomfortable.....you don't need fertility drugs.....you need to loose more weight.....we need to save some more money...."

Every video I looked up on youtube starts the same. "Hi my name is _______ I am over weight and I have PCOS and my husband and I are trying to conceive a baby."

It makes me feel better that I am not the only one, but I must confess I do feel alone. All of these women I read about, and watched their vlogs on youtube......all the success stories say "LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR........DO WHAT THEY SAY." Also, they are all talking about Clomid and how it helped them get pregnant. I keep looking for the one who says "I just took Metformin" but I can't find any. All of them are on Metformin and Clomid........

I wish Leandro would do what Dr. Andreaus said, but I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. I am so confused. The infertility bothers me so much and he looks so uncomfortable when I try and talk to him about it. It's like he feels like I am nagging him to some degree, or he just doesn't have any response at all. I need to talk to someone. Someone who can relate to me. Someone who will listen to me and my feelings and talk with me about it. I can't talk to my Dad about it because he just says "it will all work out." That doesn't exactly help me.

I would talk to my Mom but I don't want to bother her. She hasn't spoke to me since that night we talked and she made all those promises to be in my life. She wouldn't understand anyway. No one really understands. I feel so alone like there is no one I can go to. All of my friends either have kids or are pregnant. They don't really understand either. I feel like all I have is my fantasies and my dreams. I have dreams about having children.

One thing I am thankful for though is the time I get with Timothy and Kaden. I have a special bond with Kaden, and even though I will never be his mother..... I love him so very much, like my own and the same goes for Timothy.

When you think Tim McGraw......

2010-05-19T07:35:00.003-05:00

When Taylor Swift thinks Tim McGraw ...... she thinks her favorite song. When I think Tim McGraw I think of my Daddy!
Each of Tim McGraw's songs represents a time frame in my mind, and memories to go along with that. When I hear his music I hear my Daddy's voice singing to me!! That's one thing in this world I wish I could keep forever. I have always loved hearing my Daddy sing! I wish that he could leave it to me in his will.......his voice that is.
I have some pictures from when Katy and I were younger at MoMo's and all of us singing, Trevor too. I don't have them on me right now, but I will post them soon, so check back!!!

Here are a couple of my faveorite songs (Although I love them ALL) these are some of my faveorites!

Pictures coming soon!!!

Ugh....Don't let the bed bugs bite???

2010-05-18T08:12:00.005-05:00

OK, let me start off by saying the reason I posted this cartoon was because bed bugs are disgusting and I didn't want to post a picture of a bed bug. If you are curious as to what they look like you can Google them.
So, when your were little, did anyone every tell you "goodnight....don't let the bed bugs bite." Well, I always thought it was just a cute saying but turns out there is actually something called a bed bug. They are disgusting! The suck your blood! I know what your thinking, and I am NOT MAKING THAT UP! It's true!!

Here is the link to wiki to read up on them if you are interested:

*****WARNING*****
THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE YOUR ARE ABOUT TO READ IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED! IF YOU ARE AFRAID OR ALL SORTS OF BUGS, THEN IT'S BETTER IF YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO! SAVE YOURSELF THE GRAPHIC THOUGHTS AND SKIP THIS ARTICLE.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedbug

So, I had some bites on my neck, it didn't look like any bug bites I had gotten before from just being outside. I was really concerned. I started looking online and was convinced some how Leandro and I were infested with bedbugs!!! Well, in case your wondering we are definitely not!!!! LOL

This is just an example of what happens when you lay on the couch and watch specials on TV about bugs and things and then have bites on your neck.

Before, I was even home from work I had already made an appointment with Terminex, ordered a new mattress and box springs from Sears, made arrangements to sleep somewhere else, and even picked up bedbug poison (rubbing alcohol) and a flash light for some detective work. I was armed and ready to tackle this problem. I was really freaked out. I like to call this the "web MD" condition.

Doctors hate "Web MD" because people lead to irrational conclusions about themselves..... hence, like with the bedbugs and me. Before I even made it home Leandro and I were both convinced we had them! I swear, lol sometimes the web is no good to go to for some things.

After I got home and did my detective work with poison in hand, we had NOTHING not one sign of a bed bug! LOL Oh, and last night I slept soo good..... work up this morning with no bites.... lol

From now on I don't think I will jump so fast to conclusions....... that's a good lesson for anyone LOL

My Pharmacophobia

2010-05-11T11:50:00.005-05:00

Pharmacophobia: An exaggerated or irrational fear of drugs.

Yep.......that's me. I HATE taking medicine. What is it about it I hate you ask??? Everything! I hate everything from the smell, taste, the idea of HAVING TO TAKE IT!!! I know that it's all mental and stupid but I just HATE IT!

I am FORCING myself to get over this irrational fear, but it's kind of hard. I am writing everything down (like you would do for a child.) I am writing down what I take and when. While everyday I keep telling myself over and over ::YOU NEED THIS.....YOU NEED THIS...YOU HAVE TO TAKE HAVE THIS........YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS::

I realize that makes me sound crazy but it seems to be working.........

****I posted this blog and didn't even mention my medication. I am having to take Metformin (glucophage) for my PCOS. I have to take two 500 MG tablets everyday for like........ the rest of my life. :( I hate the idea of HAVING to take something everyday... forever. It just sucks is all!

Also, in case you aren't aware of what PCOS is......read the information below.

PCOS

Poly cystic ovary disease is a condition in which there are many small cysts in the ovaries, which can affect a woman's ability to get pregnant.

To read more about PCOS and it symptoms and effects please click the following link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome

I do not suffer from all of the symptoms but a few.

Watch Closely Now.........

2010-05-10T07:46:00.003-05:00

"Are you a figment of my imagination.......... Or am I a figment of yours?" These are the words of Kris Kristofferson. When I think of cool.............I think of Kristofferson. It doesn't get much cooler than him.

He reminds me of my Uncle Rocky when he was younger. Even though I wasn't born in the seventies........ I think Uncle Rocky and Kris Kristofferson favor one another. I imagine my uncle as being a much less cooler version of Kris..... no offense for my uncle.......but the coolness of Kris....well thats a lot to compete with. LOL
I was looking up pictures of Kris as he got older and I be damned if they still look like one another. .... LOL
I wonder if that was one of the things that first attracted Aunt Joanie to him....? I might ask her that one day....

Memories....Mother's Day Part 2

2010-05-09T18:16:00.003-05:00

You know, I was just thinking of my family. My Mom and Dad and my sister. I miss my family so much. I often think about what Momma and Daddy would be like today if they were still together. I can't believe I am almost thirty years old and I still cry over their separation.
Sometimes I close my eyes and I think of my life before.........
I think about Katy and I barefoot running around the little house on Danya Dr. I think about the clothes mom used to wear and Daddy too.
I can still remember all the dishes they had. I remember Mom had a set of ruby red dishes she got when she was just a little girl and where she used to keep them in the house. I remember the knobs in the tub in Katy and I's bathroom.... they are no longer there......
We had a green fridge. We had a cassette player/radio on the bar. Dad used to lean against the bar where it was with his legs crossed in his muscle shirt singing to all of us. He would sing George Strait..... me and Katy and Mom would applaud his beautiful voice.
These are my memories....but sometimes if I concentrate really hard I can really put myself there again. I get so desperate at times........ I would give up everything in my life for just one more day to sit on the floor in the kitchen looking up at my Daddy singing to me, or Momma painting my nails........ I feel like because of their divorce my time was cut short. I feel cheated!
I think a lot about Katy when she was little too! I remember her sweet little voice and the way she used to say my name. I miss her being little!
I remember one Mother' Day my Mom and Dad bought a Glider from Home Depot. My mom was so excited! She never really had anything like that before. Katy and I used to take naps on it outside during the Summer.
I just wish so bad......just for one more day...........just one!!!

Mother's Day......

2010-05-09T16:16:00.003-05:00

Ahhh Mother's Day......celebrating motherhood and motherly bonding all over. Not to sound crabby......but this has to be my least favorite holiday! I know that sounds so terrible and selfish but it's true. I can't stand Mother's Day! Hopefully, one day that will change.

I have no children......and my mother and I don't exactly have the most wonderful relationship. I thought since our last conversation where we had that heart to heart things would be different this coming Mother's Day. However, nothing has changed. That phone call where we had that heart to heart, that was the last time we spoke. She has not called me since. :(

It just sucks........I hate Mother's Day. I have been avoiding leaving the house or even getting on facebook. I know that's stupid but two things that truly bother me is that I don't have any children and I wish so very badly that my mother had more to do with me.

I hate it when I walk in to a store and some kind person says "Happy Mother's Day mam" I always smile and say thank you, but by each person saying that it hurts a little inside. Also, I was going to go and see my mom today, but I am too upset. I text her, because I know if she answers my call and I hear her voice it will make me cry and I don't want to ruin her day. I am sure Katy is either there or will be later.......

When my mother and I had that talk she kept saying "I don't want you to think I am neglecting you and Leandro because Katy and Tim have a baby and you don't." I never even thought that but she kept saying it over and over and that sort of made me feel like she felt guilty because it is some what true....... I told Leandro about it and he said "that's exactly why." :(

I never even thought of that. I wish I could have a baby so bad. It's not easy for me....... nothing ever is, but I am sure everyone feels that way about everything. Dr. Andreaus says there is hope for me to get pregnant! I just have to take that medicine he gave me......... and hope!!

I promise if I ever get to be blessed with my own little one I will always be close to them and love them and want to be in their life always. Even if I am thirty before I ever get to have one.... I don't care...... I just hope is all........ I hope so much!!

Well, since I am not really celebrating anything today I might as well and head to work. I told CJ I didn't mind working......

I don't think anyone reads my blogs but if you are reading this and your a mom....... Happy Mother's Day!

Fueding Friends From the Middle Child's Perspective......

2010-05-06T14:20:00.003-05:00

Pictured above.......April, me and Ashlie LOL!!!

Man oh Man oh Man oh Man!!!!!! WHEW!!!! LOL! Today has been something! Let me give you all the guts of this story........

OK this story first starts off a while ago when the three of us decided to have a girl's night out. We went to Chili's in Denham and then we were heading to a bar called Rick and Robin's (I kept calling it Rock in Robins...he he he he he .) Well, to keep this long event a bit on the short side I will sum this part up.....here's the gist of it.....Ashlie didn't like Rick and Robin's and wanted to bale to do something else with Jeremy and Breanna and left...yadda yadda yadda.....which was un-cool and she knew it when she did it! Needless to say, April and I had a great time together that night and I feel like Ashlie missed out. However, not to long after that night had come and gone, Ashlie felt bad for leaving, as I feel she should have and texted me and April and apologized. I instantly forgave her, because she has been my friend for years and is like family to me. Maybe I am too easy to forgive....... perhaps I'm not, I don't know but that's what I did right or wrong.
Well, this really hurt April a lot, and understandably so. Ashlie apologized to April as far as I know and April said she is OK but she isn't. She is going through a lot right now poor darlin! Perhaps she told Ashlie she is OK to avoid a confrontation..... or because she didn't feel like dealing with it.....or maybe she thought she was OK at the time when Ashlie asked.....who knows? Well, this was pretty much just left to hang out to dry when it was all over.

So....in the mean time ...................

This past Tuesday Ashlie bought pizza kits for the kids (Kaden, Jack and Korah.) As far as I know Ashlie invited April and Korah as did I. April declined. I believe this was an attempt on Ashlie's part to reach out to make an effort to show April how she can be a better friend to her.
April and Korah had stopped by the house Tuesday afternoon before Ash and Jack got there. I tried to get her to stay but she wanted to go home. She said she was tired which I can definitely relate to. Before her and Korah left April wanted to make plans for the kids to play together on Thursday at McDonald's. I said yes!!!
Ash and Jack then got there and we had a blast. Before Ashlie left.... she asked me what I was doing on Thursday, because she knows I keep Kaden on Tues., Thurs., and Sundays. I had told her about the plans April and I had made and she asked me if I minded if her and Jack tagged along. I said of course not but she might want to check with April first because it was her idea. She said OK and she was on her way..........

Today, Ashlie text April with no response about McDonalds. Ashlie's feelings were hurt, I am sure, because she is really trying hard to make an effort to be a better friend not only to April but I think to me as well. I feel like everyone deserves more than one chance, but I think April is still hurt from the last time, and can't deal with anything new right now because she is depressed and going through a lot. I understand that! I sent April an email telling her how excited I was to see her and Korah at McDonald's and she cancelled on me. Ashlie text me to tell me that April didn't respond to her text and I told her that April had cancelled, so she asked if it would be OK for her and Jack to go in April's place. I said yes.
Later, at lunch April and Ash were texting back and forth and April called me crying saying how Ashlie told her that she hurt my feelings. Well, the truth is yes.......she did. She hurt my feelings about Korah's cake. You can read the blog about that if you need to know how and why. This is nothing that April didn't already know. I told that to April the day of Korah's party. It is upsetting, but I am over it. I told her that. I simply told her "April you are my friend and that is over with." and that is exactly what I mean. nothing more. nothing less.

So, this is what I think. My perspective. ......... Ashlie or April if you happen to read this........here are my feelings.......

To Ashlie:
Ashlie,
I love you! Let me start off by saying that. That night you left was shitty. It was a shitty thing to do and the timing was even more shittier....LOL But, I think you know that already. I take you apology to me to be extremely sincere and as far as I am concerned.... water under the bridge! I have not a grudge against you nor will I bring it up again to your attention I believe it to be over.
Also, I have noticed you try to be a better friend and reaching out. I know I'm am not perfect but please know that you efforts are not meaningless and never go unnoticed! I love you, and I want you in my life always!!!

Love,
Erin

To April:
April,
I love you! Let me start off by saying that. I hurt so much for you right now, because I know your hurting. I hate that your hurting, it breaks my heart! I know how you feel....all you want to do is work...go home...be left alone. Trust me!!!!! I KNOW!
However, I think right now more than anything you need friends.......and you need family! I think Ashlie is trying to show you that she can be a good friend to you if you be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her what you need from her! Let her know! I am not angry with you, or her. I love you both and I want you to be happy. I know it's hard......and Korah's party was so happy yet so sad and difficult for you and for Chad. I am always here for you in times where you need a friend or just want to be left alone, I will understand....this I promise to you.

Love,
Erin

Whether the two of you choose to "work it out" or not is up to you...this is just my thoughts and my perspective! I love you both!

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.......

2010-05-06T08:49:00.003-05:00

A dream is a wish you heart makes......... I love this saying! This just makes me smile so big when I think of this. Lately, I have been thinking of Disney World and all it's wonder. I have never visited it, and neither has Leandro. I am not sure what got me started on this but I just keep thinking about it over and over. I would love so much to go.
When I was a little girl I would think about it a lot. I remember Shelly and Jamie went a few times. I spent the night at Shelly's house and she was showing me her "character autograph book." She was like "this was Chip and Dale and this was Sleeping Beauty....etc" I was like WOW there really signed it! LOL
I am about to be twenty-seven, and I have been thinking about how I would like to visit it. I never really cared about going until recently and I don't even know why. No one at work has been talking about it or making plans to go. I just for no reason what so ever woke up one day and felt like I was missing out on something special.
Maybe it's a result of "*Mardi Gras Syndrome." Who knows....... I have thought of it everyday for a while now. I have been reading all about it too. It sounds like so much fun! I read all about their hidden Mickeys all over the park. I guess I never really read about it before or ever thought of a possibility of ever going, so I never checked into it.
When I was small my Mom and Dad made Disney World sound so awesome (they went there on their honeymoon.) I don't know how much it was but in my head I always thought of Disney World costing like thousands and thousands of dollars. As a kid I thought it was like the cost of a house or something. I just looked it up the other day and was amazed at how affordable it really is...LOL that just goes to show you how poor we were at one time! LOL
I think Leandro feels the same way about Disney World, that he will never be able to go.... I am going to do what I can to try and plan a trip for us!

*Mardi Gras Syndrome- Mardi Gras Syndrome is a made up term made up by Erin Gutierrez as a term that summarizes the effects of being neglected or forbidden to attend, participate or celebrate a certain event, festival, or place. example....Mardi Gras festival, parades, etc.
As a result of non participation in events a block is developed and as a person gets older they forget about the events, festival, or activities and all desires to attend or participate in any events is lost or gone.

A Mother Daughter Heart to Heart......

2010-05-04T09:29:00.004-05:00

This picture was taken at my Bridal Shower at Lake House Reception Center in Baton Rouge. The is the most recent picture of the three of us together. I remember how beautiful my mother looked that day and how she was so excited and had this "glow" about her. I remember her telling me she picked that blouse because she thought it matched the colors I choose for the wedding pretty well! She was right. It looked very close to the color I picked and it look beautiful on her.
I miss that day! It's weird because that day was my one and only bridal shower. It was "my day." There was a cake for me, and gifts...... and friends and family.......and a beautiful building.....but the thing about that day I remember the most and always comes to mind when I think of my shower is my mom. I think about how excited she was when I met her in the parking lot. She was glowing......so excited! Then when we were inside it's like she wanted to "hog me" and talk to me the whole time and not let anyone else have a turn. I remember her hugging me and kissing me and us walking around the whole building and her holding my hand.....she was so excited and looked so happy.
I wish we had more days like that. Last night my we talked on the phone and had a heart to heart, something we haven't had or done in a while. I cried the whole time. I feel so far away from her. She only lives ten minutes away but if feels like a million miles. She apologized for neglecting me. She said she knows she is guilty of it..... she said she was sorry for making me cry, and she never tried to hurt me.
The thing is, I know she never tried to hurt me.........I act like it doesn't really bother me that she never calls.....or that I never see her, but it does. I see my mother in law all the time, sometimes I even see her more than twice a week. I love my mother in law!! I love it that she loves to do crafts like me, and shop, and cook. She is awesome and I feel like I can go to her with anything! However, sometimes I start to miss my mom. When I think about all the things that my mother in law and I do together.......just a piece of me wishes I did some of those things with my mother.........I miss my mom. I miss her sweet voice and her smiling face, and her gentle voice.
Last night she said she was going to make more of an effort............I wish she would because I miss her!!!! I miss my mom...... and I miss the day that picture was taken. I will never forget the way her hands looked when she was holding mine and her sweet sweet smile.

Man what a Jerk!!!

2010-05-04T07:59:00.003-05:00

So my boss is an complete ass if I don't say so myself. I picked an add that said "jerk" but man oh man.....talk about putting it lightly!!!!!!
This morning I came in ten minutes late, and my boss was here early (meaning before 7 AM) and he walked up to my desk and was like "Why are you late?" I laughed and said "Because I let Leandro drive this morning...." he then said "Is Leandro the one responsible for getting you to work on time?" I said "He was this morning." He then said "I'm not playing you need to tighten up....I'm serious."
He was so ugly about it. He is such an ass. I understand that I was late, but I still think he was quite rude about it. There is no need to be rude! I think I am a respectable employee. I work over forty hours a week every week. I work six days a week. I never complain about that. I was supposed to get a raise last month for making another year and a yearly evaluation and he didn't mention anything to me about it. I received to evaluation, no raise, no anything but a hard time. I don't understand. It just seems to me that a mere ten minutes late gets so much attention but everything else goes unnoticed. FML!

A Lonesome Cake....

2010-05-03T13:27:00.003-05:00

So this blog is about my cake experience. I offered a while back to make a very merry "Happy Birthday Cake for a 5 Year Old." Not just any five year old..........a princess five year old girl LOL. For Korah Boydkin (April and Chad's Daughter.)

This cake experience didn't exactly go as planned. I started the cake Friday night at about 11 PM. I was wide awake and I enjoyed every minute of preparing, baking, and decorating this cake, all with Korah in mind! I finished it up around 3 or 4 AM. I was so excited to give it to her.

I went to bed at around 4 and around 6:30 Timothy woke up hungry. So, I got up and made him a bottle and bathed him and layed him back down. He started to fall back asleep and I was was going to text April to tell her to make sure and bring some Tupperware or Ziploc bags because there was definitely going to be cake left over, but I noticed she already sent me a text asking if I was awake. She said Chad had forgot and bought Korah a birthday cake. This immediately hurt my feelings and pissed me off. I didn't know what to do. I thought....should I still bring mine? Did she see it and not like it? Was it really an accident? Does Korah already have her heart set on the other one?

I dunno maybe I was reading to much into it but it made me angry and hurt my feelings. April went on to text me "bring yours too" talking about bring my cake too....but I thought that much cake would just be absurd and they didn't need two cakes. I was exhausted and aggravated I didn't even want to go but then she made me feel bad by sending me a pic of Korah saying "she's smiling for Aunt Erin." Ugh I hate it when people use their kids on me. I feel like April does that with Korah sometimes, Joanie and Rocky are guilty of it too sometimes.

Well, I spent all that time and all that money on the cake to just let it sit in my fridge or be wasted. I made it for Korah...just for her....with her in mind so I went ahead and brought it up there.

When I got there I was surprised to see that they brought the other cake that Chad had bought for her even though April said they were leaving it at home. They said it was cute but I don't even recall anyone saying thank you. Leandro and I left before they cut the cake because I had a pounding headache.

I was telling my sister at lunch today and she was like "How was the cake was it good" I said I don't know we left before they cut it and no one said anything to me about it. She was like "WHAT!" I dunno, I am not really worried about it anymore. It just sort of hurt my feelings.

All in all I think Korah liked it which really mattered to me and I had fun making it for her, so I guess that's all that really matters in the end. :D

My Timothy.....My Love!!!

2010-05-03T07:48:00.007-05:00

Timothy rise and shining at six AM ...... :D
They just couldn't keep their eyes open anymore.......
Timothy is wanting to play at 11:00 PM LOL :D
My little Love :D
Nap time on the way to Longhorn Steak House :D

So this weekend we had a lot going on. The weekend didn't quite turn out as good as I had hoped, but all the time I had with Timothy was wonderful, and if nothing else I am thankful for that! He is so wonderful! I can't wait to have a baby of my own one day! :D

I made a new video of him. He is learning to hold up his bottle by himself now!! He doesn't quite have it down yet but he is working on it! The picture at the top is when he first woke up. He wakes up smiling.....it melts my heart! I love it when he first wakes up...

The Jester

2010-05-02T12:54:00.002-05:00

I just watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporiums and this was one of the scenes. I thought it was hilarious so I made my own. LOL

Partys and Cakes and Kids Oh My!

2010-04-30T13:36:00.004-05:00

Good grief! I was thinking of all the things I want to do and have to do this weekend and the list keeps getting longer and longer.
When I get off work today I am going to get Timoteo'. He is spending the night with us tonight. After I pick him up I am heading to the in laws house so Laura and Lynette can see him. Then, I am going to pick Leandro up from work at eight.
I have to start Korah's big girl cake tonight so at some point I need to get cake mix, and icing and etc. I have a lot of work to do as far as that is concerned. I am excited to do it for her though.
Korah's party was moved to Chuckie Cheese and starts at noon so i need to be there between 11:30 and noon on Sat.
Also, on Sat. I would, at some point, like to see Maw and Paw and my Daddy. I got them both a few things when I visited Jackson. Also, my Daddy is having dental surgery on Monday and my sister is having dental surgery on Tuesday. I feel like I should be having surgery on Wed. LOL! So, I feel like I should spend sometime with them before they "go under."
As far as Sunday goes...... I don't know what I will do. I was thinking of having Buita and Keith over for dinner. I might.....we shall see I suppose. I really should invite them over, it's been almost six months now and I know Leandro and I probably hurt their feelings. I think I will cook and have them over :D
I have this great idea for a home made recipe book. I would like to at least start that project. Maybe I can find some time for it on Sunday. We shall see I suppose.....

Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

2010-04-30T08:33:00.005-05:00

Well, not exactly eggs and bacon or "bakey" but eggs and sausage. I know it looks questionable but it sure was good. Leandro whispered in my ear as I was falling asleep last night "wake me up at six AM, because I want to cook breakfast."

I must say it was a chore to wake him up, but the reward was worth it =D

Tickets Tickets Tickets!!!!! F tha Po-Lice LOL

2010-04-29T08:11:00.007-05:00

Leandro's Expired MVI Tickets....

Baby you can drive my car........ but watch out for the po-lice! LOL

OK so Leandro got two tickets in our van about two weeks apart, for the exact same thing.....expired MVI (motor vehicle inspection.) Why are we driving around with an expired MVI you ask? I'll feed you baby birds.........you just wait....LOL
Well, when Leandro and I first got the van we had it for like 3 or 4 days and then the check engine light came on. Luis was going to get an inspection sticker for it before we got it but ran out of time on the day we came to pick it up. We thought, no big deal we will just take care of it over the weekend, but by the weekend the check engine light was on so there went that idea.
Leandro received a ticket about two weeks ago from a State Trooper for the MVI and since then has brought it to get tested at AutoZone to find out what's wrong with the inspection. The test showed that there was something wrong with the oxygen sensor. The SAME DAY Leandro got pulled over again for the expired MVI. He showed the cop that he just got a ticket for that and that he was trying to get it fixed and the cop said he didn't care and wrote him another one anyways.
I called about the tickets to see how much they were and they are $185 a piece!!!!!! That's insane. I told Leandro I rather pick up paper on the side of the interstate then pay that. Those two tickets are almost what I make in a whole week. I rather spend two days of work than a whole week of work to pay them.

Imma Gone to Jackson........

2010-04-26T07:35:00.010-05:00

So, today is my first day back at work (not including the few hours I worked yesterday) since I left for Jackson.....and I'm talking bout Jackson, LA!

I had such a great time! I can't wait to write all about it! It didn't go exactly as planned but I guess nothing ever does.

We were going to leave Thursday at five on the dot after Leandro got off of work. We didn't end up leaving the house until eight. Leandro kept saying "I hope I can find it int he dark" which worried me some, because I didn't feel like being lost all night.

When we got close to Dawson Rd. (where we were staying) Leandro said "shhhh I am listening for where the road is. LOL He is so goofy. Well, he turned down a road called Miller by accident and it was freaking dark, with no street lights or anything. I was kind of scared since I didn't know the area. We had the windows down in the van because it was hot and the air conditioner in the van is broken right now and some sort of bug flew in and I could hear it but couldn't see it. I was FREAKING OUT!!! I was screaming my ass off!!! It quickly went from funny to pissed off! LOL

After we turned around and found Dawson Rd and the "Blue House" where we were staying we were starving. Leandro wanted to go to Main St. to see what was still open. He had his heart set on eating at a place called "Bobby's Drive In." When he was turning around after we unloaded everything from the van he was driving all over the yard . Since I have never visited the Blue house before all I could see was woods, and someone's garden. and Leandro driving anywhere. I was yelling at him something like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE YOUR GOING??? THAT'S SOMEONE'S GARDEN!!!! STOP!!! STOP!!!! STOP DRIVING YOU COULD BE DRIVING OVER A SEPTIC TANK!!! YOU DON'T JUST DRIVE ALL OVER SOMEONE'S PROPERTY AT ELEVEN AT NIGHT!!!" I was pissed! I said I needed a Xanax and I have never in my life taken one of those but some how new I needed one. LOL

Then Leandro and I fought for twenty minutes about who is a better driver me or him. Even thought I know for a fact it's ME!!! LOL

By the time we actually made it to Main St. we were laughing again. I don't know how. I was still pissed because I was STARVING and there was nothing open! When we finally found Bobby's Drive In it was closed. The only thing in town that was open was a Subway. We got there ten minutes before they closed and I got the nastiest Subway sandwich I have ever had. It was disgusting!

When we got back to the Blue House at the point all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and relax. I took a bath and Leandro tried to get the cable to work (we found out later that there was no cable.) In the master bedroom there was a 12 in. TV with a bunch of VHS tapes and a VCR. So, needless to say we watched Young Guns on VHS. Also, the color on the TV was going out so even though Young Guns was in color we watched it in black, white, and green LOL.

The next morning we woke up to a rainy sky, which I was thrilled about because all I wanted to do was be lazy and relax on Friday. We woke up at around eleven-ish and decided we would go to town and have lunch. We went to Bobby's Drive In and this time they were open. We both got greasy cheeseburgers and fries and home made shakes. I got banana and Leandro got strawberry. Bobby's Drive In has prisoners working there from the "work-release program." There's nothing like a good greasy burger served up by convicts in my opinon. LOL

After that I noticed there was an antique shop across the street called "The Southern Belle" I begged Leandro to go. He didn't want to at first but then said OK. We didn't buy anything there but just browsed. They had some really nice things!

After that we stopped by the Family Dollar store to get me some undies and Leandro some socks. I didn't bring enough undies and Leandro didn't pack enough socks. When then walked next door to the ONLY grocery store in town so Leandro could "remaniss" LOL

When we got back to the blue house we were both full and decided to take a nap, even though we had only been awake for about three hours. When we got up at around six we just layed around doing nothing until around seven when we decided to order a Pizza from Jackson's only pizza place "Dave's Pizza."

Leandro says Dave's has been open for over twenty years. I must say the building looks really bad! LOL He went and picked up a pizza for us while I took a hot bath and relaxed. When he came back we ate pizza and drank wine and watched "A Star is Born" on VHS. Leandro doesn't want to admit he liked it because Barbara Streisand was in it but I can tell he loved it =)

When we woke up Sat. it was still rainy but not as bad. This time we woke up in enough time to eat breakfast. I fixed us corn beef hash and a english muffin with mimosas. It was nice. We sat on the rocking chairs on the front porch for a little while and watched all the birds. They had over thirty bird houses all over and binoculars. It was nice.

We then headed to town straight to East Feliciana Cellars were we tasted wine. We bought four bottles of muscadine wine and some home made honey from someone in Jackson and some May-Haw jelly.

We rode by the antique store that we went to yesterday but they looked closed so we didn't stop. We then decided to start looking for somewhere to get lunch. We drove to Clinton and went to the "William's Country Store" which sells everything by the way! That is that picture of Leandro and the Justin boot. That's his cousin's family "Daniel and Amy Williams." Their Mamma Mi "grannma" was there and she made us a couple of burgers and his cousin Jeff gave us a free coke. Those are some of the nicest people. =D

I also bought Jackson's famous Methodist Church cookbook that was put together in 1985. I guess they just reprint the copies. Lynette has one and man we were looking at it together once we got back, and she knows almost everyone in that cookbook.

After we left the William's store we drove to the Museum in Jackson and Leandro showed me where his great grandpaw is in there. I got to see some pictures of him. It was really neat because Charles Linderberg crashed his plain in Jackson and Charles Morgon (Leandro's great grannpaw) found the big wooden propeller. There was a write up about it in the paper and a picture of him with the propeller and the propeller is hanging in the museum. I thought that was kinda cool.

When we got finished at the museum we were going to visit Wade and Berline but we weren't sure which house was theirs. I know it was across the street from the museum but there was a house on the right and the left and Leandro didn't want to just go knocking on random peoples doors.

So we called Travis and asked him if him and Megan wanted to grill some steaks with us and he said yeah. We stopped at the store and picked up some steaks and went back to the blue house.

When we got back to the blue house it was HOT HOT HOT in there. It turns out the air conditioner was broken. It was miserable in there. It felt awesome outside but the gnats were too bad to stay outside. We decided that we were going to pack it up and go home Sat night instead of staying until Sunday.

We cleaned up the blue house then headed over to Travis and Megan's for dinner. Travis went and picked up Norman and we all hung out and BBQ. We had a blast with them. Norman is so funny, I am glad he came too. We didn't leave there until almost midnight. The offered for us to stay but I was ready to go home and just wake up in my own bed.

It felt like a quick trip home. Overall I had a really nice time! We are planning to back again just for the day not this weekend but the next. I didn't get to visit with Wade and Berline and I didn't get nearly as many pictures as I would have liked to. So, we are going to go for a Sat and just spend the day :)

My Junk Room!

2010-04-16T07:29:00.003-05:00

So last night Leandro went out with Logan and his brothers (since he is in town) and since I had to be at work early I stayed home. I don't know what got into me but I decided to clean up my junk room! (LOL)

It's not completely organized as I would have like it to be, but it sure is a hell of a start. I didn't take any before pictures, but I should have.

I call it the "craft room" and just so you know how messy it was Kaden would say Aunt Erin lets go play in the "crash room" LOL

A Fabulously Fun Weekend!

2010-04-12T07:53:00.005-05:00

Blue Skys on a Saturday! =)

Maw learned how to take pictures using my Iphone

What was left of our fried pickles

Maw brought home her Bingo card to show Paw her Bingo!! How sweet!

Maw excited to play!!!!

I had such a wonderful weekend! It all started out Friday when I got off of work. I headed straight to Maw and Paw's house to pick Maw up for Bingo. She was so excited! When I got there Uncle Keith was there, so I visited for a few minutes before leaving. When Maw and I got to Bingo we ordered some junk food including (Fried pickles) which she never had before last Friday, and she loved them =) We had so much fun, and Maw even got a Bingo and won $150.00.

When Bingo was over we were leaving and this bitter old black woman was walking past us and she was mad I guess because she didn't win. She said to Maw "Excuse me Mam...don't worry I ain't gonna touch your fancy purse wit all yo moneys more than God" I was laughing and Maw was too. LOL I guess she said that because Maw has a designer purse, and she got a Bingo. LOL Maw said "as if with all my money" I said I know right....come on wit yo social security check ass LOL" She was laughing and we left.

When we got back to there house she was so anxious to dig in her purse and pull out the card she Bingoed on to show Paw. It was so cute. He was rubbing her back and hugging her telling her that he was so proud and happy for her. That's when I took that picture of her holding her card pointing to her Bingo!

I spent the night at Maw and Paw's and I even wore an old silk night gown that came to my ankles. I felt like I was seven years old again. I have a picture of this but I decided not to post it LOL. I slept in the back bedroom were I always used to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I was woken up by the roosters crowing and the smell of bacon, eggs, grits, and coffee.

I got up and visited with them and I helped Maw with her computer. I cleared a print jam for her, and gave her a "lesson" on her cleaning her inbox out.

When I left Maw and Paw's house I hurried to pick up Leandro from a drunken night of cutting up and playing music at Nathan's house. It was so pretty on Saturday! The blue skys picture was taken in Nathan's driveway. If you look close you can see the edge of his roof in it. After, I picked up Leandro we went home and took showers and got ready to go to Dad's house for BBQ.

We stopped off at WinnDixie in Walker so I could get all the things I needed to make a yummy strawberry cake (which came out so yummy and pretty I wish I had took a picture).

When we got to Dad's I made strawberry daiquiris using fresh strawberries while Dad started the BBQ. We ended up staying at Dad's until 12:45 in the morning. Leandro was sleeping on dad's couch and Penny was asleep in the recliner while me and Dad had a drunken concert on the back porch singing and dancing together to Frank Sinatra and Bob Marley. It was a blast! LOL

The next morning I woke up around nine am and Leandro and I met Dad at Ihop for breakfast. It was funny because Dad was so tipsy the previous night he forgot some things that had happened the night before LOL, as he put in his own words he was "off in his own world riding the Budweiser's Clydesdale Horses" LOL

After eating breakfast I headed to UtiliQuest to do a few things for work. I sort of expected Steven to be there since he told me he had to work that weekend but he wasn't. I worked for about two hours. I still needed to run to Walmart and WinnDixie but I was so tired from the night before so Leandro and I decided to go home and take a nap first.

When we woke up from our two hour nap we decided we needed new sheets and pillows because that nap sucked lol. So, we went to Walmart and bought a new set of 500 thread count sheets and two queen size down pillows. We spent over $100 lol.

Then we headed to Winndixie in Walker to do some grocery shopping. I love to shop at WinnDixie because the have excellent cuts of meat, and a lot of times they have great sales like buy on get on free. We spent another $150.00 mostly on meat then headed home.

We finished off our weekend by visiting with Laura (she stopped by the house) and watching a movie called Death at a Funeral, which was pretty funny.

I had such a wonderful weekend, and waking up this morning! Man.... those sheets felt amazing! It felt like sleeping in lotion, LOL. This Monday is pretty crazy, so I better get to work. I hope this week is good! I am keeping a positive attitude no matter what! =)

Shannon just walked by my desk and burped and didn't even say excuse me......how disgusting!!!! LOL some people...... I swear!

A Evening at the Park/Weekend Plans......

2010-04-09T09:22:00.001-05:00

So yesterday after work I took Kaden to North park and met up with Ashile and Jackson. I invited Korah and April too but they couldn't make it. The pictures posted above are pictures of the treats I made to take to the park. I made them the night before. I had so much fun. I had a blast watching the kids and visiting with Ashlie that I didn't even take any pictures at the actual park. I'm a goofy goober.....LOLI made fresh squeezed lemonade, and cut up fresh Louisiana strawberries that I picked up on the side of the road. I added a few blueberries as well, and those celery treats.... I call them "gateway treats" LOL like gateway drug. It's a bridge between junk food and healthy food. The kids loved them! LOLWe had so much fun!!! I want to go back and do it again on a weekend. I might do it again on Sunday. I love going to the park on the weekends. Last time I went on a weekend when it was really busy it was soooo enjoyable! I brought a blanket and just laid there in the grass while the kids played. the weather was so perfect and the the wind was blowing a little. When I close my eyes it feels like I am at the beach. It's so relaxing. I know it sounds crazy a bunch of kids playing and screaming.....how can that be relaxing?!?!? But it just was!This Sunday I have to work for a few, so I am going to wake up early and go to work. I will probably work for a while and then I am going to see if my Daddy will meet me for breakfast at Waffle House or Ihop. He has been eating there almost every morning, and you know what that means once you develop a breakfast routine........... means your getting old..........turning into a Mike Roussel, LOL....... a retiree.......LOL! My dad might as well start a football board! LOLAnyway, I have an awesome weekend planned. I get off of work at five today and then I am going to pick up my granma to play Bingo tonight in Denham. She is really looking forward to it. Tomorrow evening around three we are going to Dad's for a BBQ and poker, and then Sunday.....UtiliQuest. I am going to try and be here like around six that way I can meet Dad for around 10.

Crawfish time!

2010-03-29T10:40:00.006-05:00

I am ready for a Louisiana style party! I am ready for some crawfish and some fancy Zydeco music and some awesome Louisiana strawberries at the Louisiana Strawberry Festival in Ponchatoula!
I am so ready for summer and celebrating and some sort of vacation!!!! I don't know what yet, but I am so taking one! I need one away from work! But in the mean time I'll settle for some crawfish at Dad's with Zydeco music and drunk dancing =)

Time for some Fishing!!!!!

2010-03-25T08:07:00.006-05:00

I sure do enjoy fishing! It's about that time again! My Daddy will be home in ten days and we are already making plans to visit False River. The first three pictures are when Leandro and I went salt water fishing with Adam and Sabrina. I prefer salt water fishing to fresh water fishing because it is a lot more fast paced, fresh water fishing is more relaxed. However, it's the perfect sort of fishing when it comes to fishing with my Daddy! It gives us time to catch up.... and talk. The last time just the two of us went fishing together it was right before I got married almost three years ago. The last picture was taken at False River the day he took me fishing. I will never forget that day!

Our Little Lake Path........

2010-03-01T08:54:00.003-06:00

These are a collection of shots I took when we lived at Little Lakes. This was the trail in the woods next to our apt. This was the same lake that Stephen and I took the boat out in when it was raining on us. I miss these woods.

Leandro and I used to go walking in there after work in the evenings sometime and watch the sun going down. When we first moved in, I took my Dad down the trail so he could see how neat it was. I can't even tell you how many times I used to walk that trail. Even one time I made a wish and through a penny in there. Leandro and I even camped out by the log in the picture above.

I often think how I would love to go back down this trail again and take some more pictures, and take the boat out, listen to my ipod while the sun goes down........ but I am afraid it just won't be the same as it used to be. Perhaps some trails are meant to be just that..... a trail to something else... or a pathway.

My memories are so very fond of this, I wouldn't want to cheapen or corrupt them by traveling down this trail again with feelings of sadness and longings.

I sure do miss this trail, it will forever be in my heart!

MoMo's 80th Birthday Party

2010-02-28T07:48:00.003-06:00

From left back row: Bobby, Neal, Marshall, Tommy

From left front row: Roberta, MoMo, Jenny, Margie, Eric

My MoMo turned 80 years old on Feb. 26th. We celebrated an 80th birthday party for her at my aunt Margie's house in Erwinville yesterday. I must say it was a very nice day. The weather was excellent!

I had a great time........Leandro and I picked up Katy and Timothy (Tim had to work) and we all rode together to Erwinville. When we got there I parked at Uncle Tommy's house and called my Dad to let him know we were there. I saw him standing by Margie's barn but there were so many people I know he didn't see us pull up. I said "Daddy.....your grandson is here" lol he said "OH REALLY!!!!! OK OK! I'm coming right now!!!" He sounded so excited!

After we got Timothy out of the van we started to walk up the stairs to get to Margie's and I saw my favorite cousin (Clint) and I gave him a big hug. I love my Clint I was hoping to see him =)

We saw MoMo. They were about to sing Happy Birthday to her. Her smile was so big you could almost see it from the back of her head. That just melted my heart to see her so happy =)

After they sang Happy Birthday this picture was taken, not by me, but by Saye. I scored a copy of it and cut out the color back ground.

Then, Dad pulled me and Katy away and said he had something he wanted to tell us both together. He said:

I just wanted to tell you both that when I went to your house Erin, it was so perfect and clean, and Katy when I went to your house it was clean and tidy and perfect. I pride myself on how clean I am, but when I went to yalls houses I was so shocked and impressed and yall make me feel like my house is dirty. Erin you have two cats and you would never even know, I couldn't even smell them , and Katy that trailer is so spotless I can tell you and Tim worked hard in making it a home. I just want to say that I am so very proud of you two....my girls.

I guess that was my Dad's way of just being proud of us in general. It has been a really long time since my Dad was actually proud of me and Katy at the same time. I feel like he is not trying to fight us anymore, but some how realizes that we are good kids even though we are not perfect and we have learned the most important thing which is to keep a good home, so to say.

We left Margie's house a good bit later than we had wanted, I don't recall the exact time but it was later than we had planned. After, we left we went to Katy and Tim's and stayed there until just about midnight. When we got home Leandro went on and on how much he enjoyed Katy's company! =) I did too

What a wonderful day!

Que Sera Sera.........

2010-02-25T08:40:00.002-06:00

When I was just........ a little girl..........I asked my mother........ what will I be =) ?
Well, I am no little girl to anyone now but my granmother and perhaps my mother....but that's OK! =)
This song "Que Sera Sera" just makes me feel like a pretty pretty princess..... ha ha ha ha ha . Even though when I woke this morning I was feeling sort of lazy, so I am definitely not "all dolled up" so to say, but I sure do feel like a princess when I hear that song.
I love the saying...... I guess I never really thought about it too much before, but that's EXACTLY how I feel today lol. So, that being said, cheers to this lovely Thursday and Que Sera Sera =)

****** If your reading this I hope your day is filled with so much happiness and love, with bigger kisses and bigger hugs!!!*******

Love Always,
Erin =)

xoxoxoxxo

Somewhere Over The Rainbow......

2010-02-23T09:20:00.003-06:00

I was just listening to this song this morning. I love all of the different versions of this song. My mom used to sing this to me and my sister when we were little. I sure do miss those days.

My grandparents are coming here today for lunch. I have been thinking about them a lot too. When I close my eyes I can smell them and there house. There house doesn't smell like regular "old people" house. It smells good. It's weird....... it still smells like it did when I was five, six and seven. It's like the smell never changes. I can still go there and sit in their living room and close my eyes and be whatever age I want to be. =)

Hot Mulled Apple Cider........ =)

2010-02-18T08:49:00.004-06:00

Ahhhhhh Good Morning! Wow, this morning is sure turning out to be a beautiful day! I sure am craving a tasty cup of Hot mulled apple cider this morning and it's only 43 degrees outside. Thats not even cold......thats just cool. It's much too pretty to be sitting inside at work blogging instead or working lol. I wish I was outside. If I was off today I would start my day off in my pjs curled up with my book and a nice hot cup of cider.

Then I would take a shower and get dressed and go to North Park. Maybe Ashlie would be free and we could play tennis again, or just walk the track at a steady pace while trying to breathe and gossip at the same time. LOL

Ahh.... the things I would do if I were off. lol

I would go to the book store and pack my arms with "bargain books" and get a hot coffee or some hot tea. I would run by the mall and see if Sopearry wanted to meet me there and we could shop at Charlotte Russe, Lush and Bath and Body works. I need to stock up on my smelly goodness goodies lol.

Too bad I'm chained to this desk gazing out the window. At least Steven is here today, maybe we can play stick ball at Rite Aid on our lunch break. Who knows.... we did it before it could happen again =)

If your reading this I hope our day is filled with big smiles and at least one big hug! =)

Memory Retro Lane ..........

2010-02-17T09:02:00.005-06:00

I was just thinking this morning about vintage shows that I used to enjoy when I was younger. In a way they don't even feel "vintage." The don't really feel old until I think about how old they actually are. When I was a kid there were several shows that I loved so much.

These are a few of the ones I loved so much! I could make a list for days though! lol It's weird how you you can remember this stuff lol. Drop Dead Fred was my hero when I was little!!!! I thought he was the coolest! Of course I loved the Wee Sing in Sillyville and all of the Fairy Tale Theatre!! I guess when your a kid you never realize the impressions this stuff makes no you until you get older and think about it. Anyways, I just thought I'd share my little trip down memory retro lane. =)

Sittin in Starbucks on Super Bowl Sunday......

2010-02-07T13:44:00.004-06:00

I am sitting at Starbucks right now and it is 9:32 AM on Super Bowl Sunday. I had a night with the girls last night and didn’t get home until around 2:30 in the morning. I had a really good time. So, why am I showered and dressed sitting at a Starbucks on Super Bowl Sunday writing a blog you ask????? Well, this is why……..

Well yesterday was quite an interesting day. My started off by sleeping in just a little and texting my Dad first thing when I woke up at 10 AM to see if he was going to come over for coffee. We had been talking about ti since we moved to our new place but it kind of just never happened. My Dad called me and asked me if I wanted to come over. I had lots of other things planned but of course I worked a stop at his house into my plans since it had been a while since I had seen him and I sure was missing him.

So, I took a shower had some coffee with Leandro and then I was off……….When I first left the house I drove Leandro to Abuelo’s house. Leandro and staying with Abuelo for the day because Swami and Mari had to go do something. I dropped off Leandro and peeked in on a sleeping Abuelo to see how was doing and then left to go and meet Mandi at Petco.

Mandi and I arranged to meet up at Petco for another “clothes swap” for 11:30. I texted her when I got there to let her know that I was there. She texted me back to tell me “leaving now.” I know where she lives so I knew I had a bout 20 minutes to kill. It just so happened to be my lucky day because it was puppy day over at Petco. I went inside and looked at all the children’s cute little smile of excitement over all the new pups the Denham Springs Animal Shelter had brought. I looked at the time and it was 11:50 and still no Mandie….. So I walked over to Office Depot and looked at the Art Supplies. I was about two seconds away from buying some Prismas for the invitations that I wanna design for our girls trip in May when Mandi text me “I’m here.” I put the Prismas back thinking I would probably get a better deal on the price of them at the Craft Store anyways. I had cut out a coupon at work Friday because I thought I might have a chance to go there this weekend sometime.

I went outside and hugged Mandie. We talked for a few minutes while we were exchanging clothes. I felt a little uncomfortable because I saw Brittany and Jamie going into Stage when I was coming out of Office Depot and I know that Brittany saw me and then acted like she didn’t. She knows Mandie too and I dunno it was just sort if weird. I kept looking around thinking Brittany was watching me or something. After I left Mandie I was on my way to see my sister because I had a house warming present for her, Tim and Timothy.

I was on my way to Katy’s house when I realized that it was almost one and I still haven’t had anything to eat all day. So I went to the Petro mart across the street from Katy and Tim's house and got one of the best eggrolls in the world =) I then went to Katy's and knocked on the door an no one answered. I called her and she was at Mom's house doing laundry so I headed over there to see her real quick before going to Dad's house.

When I arrived at Mom's house I chatted with Katy for a little while and she asked me where I was going when I left there and I told her I was going to visit with Daddy for a little while and I asked her if she wanted to come and she said no. So, since I was only going to Dad for a few hours I asked her if I could take Timothy and she said no.....then she thought about it and said she wanted to come with me. I was glad...I was hoping she would say that.

When we got to Dad's I noticed him standing by the back door and when we pulled up and saw me and Katy and me getting Timothy out of the back seat he just smiled sooooooooo big! I could tell it made his day to see us all there. Katy and I visited with Dad for longer than we had planned put it was worth it! I sure did miss that old man =)

When we left Daddy's house I was trying to hurry and headed back to Mom's house to drop her off so she could get her clothes and the truck. I was running late too.... I still had to run home to get ready to go to my girl's night out at 6:30. When I pulled into the drive to go in the back to Mom's house there was a detective, 3 cop cars, a fir truck, and a ambulance. The people who own Mom's trailer...there mother passed away. She lived in that little house close my mom. Poor people =(

As I left Mom's I couldn't help but think what would have happen if that was my mom, or dad, or grandmother or grandfather.......I really hurt in my heart for those people. I felt like just being close to them some of there pain and hurt got into me some how and it just hurt me so bad.

I hurried home and got dressed and redid my makeup and hair so I could be at Chili's for 6:30. I was worried about being late and it turns out that I was the only one who was on time. April arrived at about 6:50 ish and Ashlie got there at 7:20. We had a great time and after that April wanted to go to a bar called Rick and Robbins. Ashlie didn't really want to go....I'm not sure why. She ended up leaving with Jeremy and Breanna about 45 minutes after we got there. I did get to jittabug with her first though.

April and I had a good time and we just talked and talked and talked. We left Rick and Robins around midnight or a little after. I brought her back to Chili's to get her car. We ended up sitting at Chili's for an hour just talking and talking. Then I left around 1 AM and on the way home I stopped at Taco Bell in Watson because we didn't eat and she was right behind me and stopped too, lol. It's like we had the same idea. After we both went through the drive through and got our food we ended up parking and we ate in her car talking and talking more. I didn't get home until 2:10 AM.

I must say it turned out to be a great night =)

When I got home Leandro, Lino, Arlene, and Luis were pulling up and Leandro was drunk (but not driving). He invited them all to stay the night. I will not get into the furry and rage I felt at this point but let's just say it didn't end well, hence me sitting at Starbuck's waiting for my Daddy to show up instead of at home in my living room.

The Old Sweater Story.......

2010-02-04T20:49:00.002-06:00

This is my favorite sweater. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I wear this thing year round. I was washing my whites tonight and when I pulled this out of the dryer I just smiled so big.

My mother bought this sweater for me my first year of college. I was living in an apartment in Baton Rouge by myself. This is before I got a room mate. My mother came and helped me unpack all my things.... in fact she helped me get the apartment. They didn't want to rent to me because I just turned 18 the month previous to me moving out. My mother convinced them otherwise that I was a well behaved young lady lol. She does have a way with people and getting what she wants I must say lol.

We weren't really getting along at that point in time because she didn't really want me to move out but I thought otherwise. Regardless of our differences she came to help me move in....she helped unpack my new dishes, and was overall excited for me. A few months had passed by and it was starting to get cool outside. My mother came over one day and she was helping me clean my little one bedroom apartment and we had to run to the Family Dollar store next to where I live to pick up some more cleaning supplies. They sell clothes there. I never really shop for clothes there or anything but my mom always gives the racks a look. She held up this sweater and said "Erin! isn't this the cutest!" I said "Yes, all my friends have sweaters kind of like that...it's cute." She said "Want me to buy it for you?" I felt bad and told her no. She insisted because it was only $10. Before we even made it to the car she said "try it on try it on do you like it do you like it?" I did and I gave her a hug. That was Fall of 2002, and it is Winter of 2010. I can't believe this $10 sweater is 8 years old and I must admit.... it looks pretty darn good for being 8 years old! I love this thing, and now I realize that for whatever reason.....when my mother bought that for me she was so excited because it was like she was keeping me warm. I ofter wonder if that's why she insisted on me having it? Whatever the reason, I have grown quite attached to this sweater and I plan to have it for a very long time!

Thank you mother.... for keeping me warm all these years!!!

Love Always,

Your Erin Michelle

Erin's Enhanced Life

2010-02-03T08:37:00.005-06:00

This is just a short little blog to announce the "launch" of my second blog that was rolled out yesterday. It's "Erin's Enhanced Life" and the link is http://erin-gutierrez.blogspot.com/

I will try to have postings in this blog at least twice a week at a minimum. Join my in my journey to not only loosing weight but creating a healthy life style.

Much Love!

-Erin

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Notice I added a little humor: with not only the picture but with words like launch.... and roll out....... makes it sort of sound like I am creating a new device...... and in a way I am! lol

Such A Lonely Day...........

2010-01-26T13:13:00.003-06:00

Well, today feels like such a lonely day to me. I am not real sure why. Last night I had a blast with my friends April and Ashlie. I had a little dinner party where they came over and had a glass of wine and I cooked dinner for us. It was just the three of us.....or actually the four of us because Ms. Korah (April's beautiful little girl) was there too. While we laughed and had dinner Leandro was off playing music with Nathan and his brother's.

The girls left at 10:00...so I cleaned everything up, took a hot bath and called Leandro to tell him he could could home lol. He didn't answer...which I figured probably because he was playing music. So, I went ahead and went to bed, I think he ended up getting home around midnight.

Today when I get off from work I am going to do some reading, go to the gym, take a hot bath, and relax. Leandro doesn't get off until 8 PM and when he gets off of work him, Kyle, and Deanna are going jogging at North park. I was kinda sad they didn't invite me but from what I can gather is that it was Kyle and Leandro and at the last minute they invited her or she invited herself or something I dunno. Maybe I can work in the craft room some........I dunno. I was sort of looking forward to spending sometime with Leandro but it looks like by the time he gets home and eats and showers it will be time for bed again. =( I'm just feeling sort of lonely........... it doesn't help that my buddy is out of town and every time he's gone it makes the work day go by soooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwwww. Seems like me and Steven are the only two making jokes around here....everyone else is always pissed off and aggravated. Ugh......sucks!

Where The Hell is Matt?

2010-01-22T07:59:00.005-06:00

I like these videos. For whatever reason when I watch them I think of Stephen. I am missing him especially bad today. I still haven't had any type of counseling since his death. I need to do something. I don't know what "Stage of Grief" I am in. I feel as if I am on the merry-go-round of the "Stages of Grief" at a horrible carnival only to be found in the dead of night's ugly nightmares. I understand that Stephen is dead. Therefore, I don't believe I am in denial, but for whatever reason when I think about never being able to see him again................. my chest starts hurting.......

What it really boils down it is that ignorance is bliss. If I haven't said this a hundred times....... You see, if I believed in Heaven and Hell then it would be much easier for me to cope. If I only believed........ If I believed that Stephen is in Heaven and one day when I die we shall be reunited for eternity...... Sadly, that's not what I believe. I have this constant struggle in my mind. I can't believe that Stephen was for nothing.... I just won't believe that!

So I guess my battle with my own beliefs of spirituality and religion is the reason for my prolonged grief and anxiety. What I would give to to just wake up tomorrow thinking that Stephen died and went to a beautiful kingdom to be with the God he so lovingly worshipped and that one day we will be together having a blast forever.

The truth is that I am somewhere between not believing in Heaven and Hell and believing that Stephen is somewhere listening to me and protecting me...?!?!?!? So where does that leave me......Agnostic some would say lol. It's kinda funny when you think about it.

You see I don't really know what I am. I know I am a deist, but besides that this is all I know..............

I know that when I close my eyes I can see myself at age 8....I can remember the smell of my grandmothers skin....and her lotion. I remember Katy's tiny hands when she was 2,3 and 4. I remember the clothes my mother used to wear on Saturdays. She used to wear a yellow cotton shirt with white lace around the collar. I remember how soft it was to the touch an dhow when I hugged her she smelled like baby powder and coco butter lotion. I can see the many stages of my room, and I realize now, in a way it some what reflected my life at that point in time.

With all these wonderful memories I also remember the the most horrible things........................ I remember my sister crying and running after my Dad's B2200 all the way down the street the day he left my mother. I remember the morning I woke up to my mother's friends passed out on the floor in our living room and quietly stepping over them and beer cans to get out the front door to catch the bus. I remember my mother taking all of my graduation announcement cards off the kitchen table and throwing them all over my room and in my closet because she was drunk and mad...and wanted the table cleared off......... and most recently I am remembering the pain now of loosing my best friend.

I don't know much, but one thing I do know......and one thing I can believe in is that living now....here.... on earth is both Heaven and Hell, everyday. Every breath I take in is both beautiful and amazing, yet hurtful and ugly........ and that right there...... that's all I know

He Saw So Much Color!

2010-01-08T14:49:00.003-06:00

In a world thats black and white....Stephen saw so much color in people. I made this picture of him the other day at work! I like it....I think I may frame it!

A New Begining......

2010-01-03T17:48:00.001-06:00

Well..... My last blog was quite depressing! I just went back and read it and was like "sheesh gurl!"
I am going to try my very best to start fresh on Monday (tomorrow.) Every year I say I am going to try harder to be a better person and every year I get a little bit better. I am really looking forward to see what 2010 will bring! It has to be better than 2009!!!! I am confident it will be!!!! I know it will be as long as I have great friends and family to support me!!!
I am going to make this year the year I impress myself :)
Wish me luck!!!

Life is so hard!

2010-01-02T10:54:00.002-06:00

Well, I figured it was time for another post since it's been so long. Also, this blog is a great place to turn when I have no one else to talk to.

It is now 2010. People say the world will end in 2012. Who knows.....

Times are very hard right now. Leandro and I don't have much money, but neither does a lot of people. Last month I had to take groceries back to Walmart it was so bad. I cried all the way home. I am so depressed. I can't talk to Leandro about it because he gets upset and some what blames himself, and it just makes things worse.

For Christmas this year, he bought me a HP Pavilion Entertainment PC. I love it!!!! but I need to take it back. We can't really afford it, at least not now...maybe another time. I just got back from the grocery store and my total was $127!!!!! I cried all the way home....Leandro is going to be soo angry! I took lots off the list and it was still over $100...but we have no food :(

I try to be resourceful but sometimes there is no other alternative to spending some money. I hate this. I don't know what happened to us..... I don't understand why we are struggling so bad. At Little Lake everything was fine and then Stephen died and now everything is not fine!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! In theory everything should be OK, but it's not. Leandro is having to sit out next semester of school because we can't afford it. Last night his Mom asked when he started school again and he told her he was sitting out. She asked why? He said because he couldn't afford tuition. She asked him if she paid for it then would he go and he said he didn't think he would be able too because he needs to work because we need the money. That was all his idea.....and it's true. I hope she didn't think I asked him to do that. I would never ask him to do that!

I am so heart broken. I feel like such a piece of shit wife. I don't know why. I know I'm not, but I feel like a failure. I am working a second job to help but it's just not enough. I don't know what else I can do except maybe get another one on the nights I am not baby sitting.

Also, this is off subject but something that has been haunting my dreams. All I can think about now is having a baby. What is wrong with me? I know it's so selfish. How am I going to afford a baby when I can't even afford groceries? It's just ..........I am getting older and people keep asking....and......I just can't stop thinking.....how it must feel. I look at Katy holding Timothy and she looks at him a certain way and I always wonder what she is thinking about when she stares at him. I wonder is her heart just melts when she holds him. I know mine does and he's not even mine.

A Close Call.....

2009-11-04T08:55:00.004-06:00

So last night....after I got off of work I was with Katy. We were on our way home.... talking about how crazy it was over at Joanie's with being Shelly there. I was exiting there subdivision and pulled into the gas station at the corner of Jefferson and Floynell, because I was on E. I was standing at the pump and pulled out the wad of cash Joanie had given me and began counting it. Katy immediately fussed at me for doing this! In which I should have known better, I threw it back in my purse without even finishing.

Behind me this suspicious looking black male pulled up and began swaying toward me and staring at me. He then straightens up and begins walking towards the gas station entrance. He stops at the door and looks at me. Katy tells me she is scared, and I am too, but I don't let her know that. I bravely walk with my head facing down toward the entrance of the gas station. The man starts walking back....straight to me. I don't make eye contact and keep walking. I go inside and pay "$10 on pump three please." I was so scared I wanted to tell the gas station attendant "can you please watch me back to my car?" but I didn't. I hurried back to my truck because Katy was out there by herself. I opened the door and whispered "Give me your phone" I started pumping gas and I held her phone to my ear and said "Hey Dad.....why you getting off work so late.....yeah.....hey I am right there too.....ohh I see your truck at the red light....pull in...." and the guy got back into his car threw a gun on the seat and drove away quickly. Katy and I were so scared! I confessed how afraid I was after it was over.

I guess Stephen was watching over me. I thought the whole way home silently....... What if I would have gotten shot? Would I have lived? Would it have been different for me afterwards? Would he have only hurt me and left Katy and Timothy alone? I would die for Katy! I guess it just makes you think....

When I got back to Buita's I saw Nick's car there. In fact, I saw Nick first when I walked through the door then Leandro. I confessed to Leandro what had happened. He look worried. He gave me a kiss and said "glad your alive and never stop at that gas station again!" I laughed and walked away.

When I changed into my night clothes I knew Leandro would not be coming to bed with me, because he never does when Nick is there and besides he had just fixed him a drink. I laid in bed with the lights on for a few minutes just in case. After about 30 minutes, I decided to go ahead and get some rest.I set my alarms and turned off the light. I pulled my pillow close to me and hugged it as tight as I could. I don't know why but even still in bed.....I felt really afraid! I hugged it a bit tighter as I drifted off to sleep.

Life....Life is a Song.

2009-11-03T10:38:00.003-06:00

So..... It's been a little while since I have posted anything. I thought I would give you (whomever you may be) an update on my life. Everything for the most part has been good. I have been very busy lately between work at UtiliQuest and baby sitting Kaden. I have so many things running through my head. I want to say so many things so please forgive me if this blog is a little random and choppy!

I'll start off with our new place........ We ended up not getting the little farm house, sadly because the people who were supposed to move out never did, and well it just never seemed to work out. So....I did some searching and found us a new place. It's a condo in Watson (Denham Springs.) It's really nice. Leandro saw it for the first time after he signed the lease last week. My first visit to the condo after it was legally ours was literally like 15 minutes after the previous tenants had moved out. The lights were still on and I was able to make this:

When I first got there I closed my eyes in every room....trying to picture my life there and hoping I made the right choice. When Leandro arrived and saw it, he really liked it and said I did a good job. I hope this works out. I need a home again, and so does he.

Today.... Leandro is going to get the permit so we can get the utilities turned on. It's going to cost us $600 just to turn on the utilities. That is going too take every cent from our checks this week so we will have to live off the money I am making at night watching Kaden. In the end it will be worth it because then we will have a home again =) I was just talking to Leandro on the phone about all this. Let me tell you, it's pretty stressful!

Speaking of Kaden....he is doing great with me. He is my little heart! I have made some many observations about him. He is the most grown up four year old I have ever met. He worries like Jamie used to do when she was little, and being around him I see Shelly a hundred times a day when he asks for something....or makes a silly face. I miss being little with Shelly and Jamie and playing all day long in the summers. My heart is sad for Kaden, growing up alone...with no siblings to play with or cousins. Katy is about to give birth to Timothy so hopefully they will grow to be close to one another! The only time Kaden really gets to be around other kids his age is at school. He needs to be socialized....he's not like other kids because he is growing up around adults. I made a play date for him with Ashlie and Chase's son Jackson, who is also four. We met up at Punk Smith park in Walker this past Sunday. It took Kaden almost two hours to warm up to Jackson. They ended up being pretty good pals in the end lol. I promised I would host a sleepover at my new place (if I can ever get moved in there) LOL. The picture posted up top is a picture from our adventures at the park..... He had a blast and I think Jackson did too from what Ashlie is telling me LOL.

Some other things that have been going on......Logan is still living in Denver. I don't know if I mentioned that he had moved there or not. I am missing him now. I think he is doing pretty good there, but that doesn't stop me from missing him! Oh and Tyson isn't doing to good :( They seem to think that he won't live too much longer. It's the same with Abuelo... he seems to be some what OK, but Lynette was talking about his smell the other night, how Abuelo is starting to smell different. That makes me sad :(

I don't know what it is lately I just feel like I am having to re-invent myself. I guess that is what I am trying to do. I keep telling myself "it's OK to miss some things in life." I have been really thinking about my life in great lengths lately. I really really miss Katy being a little girl. I think about that all the time. I used to always smell her head LOL. I remember so much detail about my childhood. I miss staying at my grandparents house with Shelly and Jamie and dancing around in our night clothes while my grandfather played the guitar and my grandmother sang to us. I miss making clubs and paths in the woods with Josh and Nikki. I hate how once something is in the past...it's passed...and we can never re-visit it again except for in our minds and in our hearts.

Brittany closed on her house this week. She is taking off this week to re-paint her new house and move all of her things in. Instead of me working 7-4 I am working 7-5. It sucks because Steven isn't even here for me to play with LOL. It's weird being here pretty much all day by myself, especially since the time change and it now getting sort of dark at 5:00. I walked to the back to turn off the coffee pot and lights and start locking everything up to leave yesterday when I saw Stephen's shirt back there. I sat down in Merril's chair and just smelled it over and over again. It still has his scent. I miss him so much! I know he is watching over me, but that doesn't take the pain away.

I have been feeling some what jealous lately too. I know that's bad. =( I am trying to tell myself "Your time will come don't be jealous" I know this. It's just things like Brittany getting a new house and making fun of me behind my back for not having one. That was mean :( and me watching Kaden and bathing him while Shelly is getting dressed to go out and party constantly pushing him aside saying "go see Aunt Erin." I only wish I had a child begging for my attention. She does and she doesn't even care. Katy is about to have Timothy... I secretly wish it was me who was pregnant instead of her. I know that is such a terrible thing to say....=( All these things make me feel sort of like less of a woman or something. Same goes about my car ..... people are always making fun. It hurts my feelings that I can't take Kaden to the park in either one of my vehicles. People are always making fun of me about this stuff. It makes me feel like less of a woman or incompetent. I wish for children so bad. Every time I miss a period I think "maybe this time....just maybe a miracle this time..." I don't know. I guess I am just too impatient....wanting it all....... a house, a car, a baby. It's not all about what I want . I know Leandro wants to finish school. It's not fair of me to be so selfish. I know this. It hurts him that he can't give me these things and would make him depressed when I would talk about it. So....... I never mention it anymore. I try to push these thoughts out of my head, at least for the time being but they creep up from time to time and I need to get it out. I guess this is the best way because I can get it off my chest and no one has to listen lol. I am probibly the only one who reads this....

I guess in due time..... I need to learn patience. LOL

October always gives me a feeling of Transcendentalism...

2009-10-16T10:52:00.004-05:00

So, today is cool outside! Finally!!! ahhhh...... the weather is soo nice. It finally feels like October in the air now. =)
I am in the mood for a steamy cup of coco or coffee...some Jack Johnson...home made chili....a good book...and a comfy scarf! How I love the fall........

Here is a blog I pulled from years ago that I wrote about October....

This is a poem I wrote some time ago..... I like this one, although I don't really consider myself to be some what of a writer, but every Fall season I always come back to this one....
Just to See the Birds Fly
Life is worth living, if but only to see the birds fly
The smell of nature's pure scent of glory
The wind wraps around my body like a blanket of whispers
Sounds surround me
The fascination of this creation
The feeling over powers me-
to where matter is not found
Just the sounds
Listen- Listen-
The weightless feeling my body takes on
My soul is released and is flying with the birds
A feeling of nirvana comes to life
At peace-, at peace-, for life
-Erin-

Kaden Broom

2009-09-30T12:45:00.002-05:00

These are two videos I took when I was watching Kaden last night! We had so much fun! He is such an amazing kid!!!
Enjoy!

My Children....

2009-09-30T11:49:00.004-05:00

You know....I often think of what my children will look like. I wonder what they will be? I have always dreamed my whole life of having children, I hope one day it will happen for me and Leandro. People say they think I will be a great mom....I hope so! I enjoy being around them so much, not just children but people!
Yesterday I baby sat Kaden, and it was incredible how great he is. He's so smart! I enjoyed myself so much! Joanie and Rocky paid me $40, by the end of the night I felt like I should have paid them! lol. We had so much fun. I miss him today! I have been thinking of him all morning! All the things he said....... I can't get him out of my head! He reminds me of Shelly when she was a little girl. He has her knees. I know that's weird to say, but it's true.
I never thought all those years ago at Leo's Roller Rink eating nachos with Shelly and Brett at one of those tables and those two flirting with each other.....that one day I would be playing with, and feeding, and bathing their child. It's so strange where life can sometimes take you!
I just hope one day...... I will have my own. It's really what I've always wanted ever since I can remember! I am still young I know, but I am getting older. I worry about that too.....if I will have one? With my problems and all....
Well, Katy is due to have Timothy on Nov. 17th, so if something happens....at least I will have him, and even though I won't be his mother....I will love him as if he was my own. My heart feels like its doing cart wheels waiting for him to arrive. I am so excited!

Sequence of Events.....

2009-09-23T07:51:00.005-05:00

So, there has been a sequence of events that has led me all the way back to my first instinct. After Stephen passed, my first instinct was to go and talk to Brother Wess. I don't know why..... I was raised Catholic, and I am now Agnostic........so what business do I have with Brother Wess? Why would I immediately have this over-whelming desire to want to speak with him? I don't even know him! He probably doesn't even know who I am!
Well, maybe its coincidence........or maybe Stephen wants me to see him. I don't know but this is how it happened.

Leandro was supposed to get me a Iphone for my birthday on July 22nd but never did.......I really really wanted one, but never seemed to have the money. Then one night I had a great night with Leandro's grandmother in the kitchen drinking wine and cooking and the thought popped into my head to take her out to play BINGO because no one ever takes her anywhere. I took her to BINGO on a rainy night and won $250, which I never win anything. I was so excited, because I won just the amount of money needed for the new Iphone.

Then, I went to meet the director of the Hyatt and thought I would have to use my "winnings" to pay for Katy's shower, which I was prepared to do if necessary. The Director "Al" was extremely nice and said that I could just pay in full on the day of the event. He said this without me even asking. I couldn't believe it!!! I headed to Whole Foods and casually took my time shopping, then I went across the way to ATT. I have a friend that works there named Kenny, but I wasn't sure if he would be working or not. I was so excited about the new phone I didn't even care. I walked in and noticed he was there. That made me smile, but I felt some what embarrassed too because I know I looked so terrible. I have gained a good bit of weight since Stephen's passing and I don't even think I had on make-up. He was there, but with a customer. I caught him right as he was about to leave. He stayed to help me because that's the kind of guy he is. He was extremely nice and helpful, and even though I could tell he was in a tremendous hurry he stayed and didn't make me feel rushed. He leaned over and said in a whisper "How are you doing?" I don't know why but I almost broke down crying. I was in such an excited mood about my new phone and then all the sudden I was nearly in tears. I was so embarrassed!!!

Later, I wrote him a message on facebook telling him thank you for staying to help me. I almost missed him. He was just about to leave. Here is the messages we exchanged on facebook:

Erin Gutierrez September 21 at 10:43am
Kenny, I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to help me with my new phone. I know I made you late for something, sorry about that. I was trying not to cry, you probably noticed I was having a rough time talking about everything. I am having a pretty difficult time..... I think I should probably seek professional help pretty soon. I hate to admit I need help, its just I never went through anything quite like this and I am not sure how to deal with it. I thought the funeral would give me some closure, but it just hasn't. Everyday day its there....haunting my thoughts.....Leandro seems to be doing OK....I wouldn't say good but he is OK. I don't know....I just wanted to say thank you for your help, and for your concern. It's nice that someone cares.Lots of Love, Erin =)

Kenny September 22 at 9:14am
You didn't make me late. I was glad to see you. You need to deal with all this soon. If you recognize you need help then you really do. You should consider, I think, going to talk to Pastor Wes. He was Stephen's pastor and mine and without his counsel jami and I wouldn't have made it. He doesn't charge he just cares. You can call the church and make an appointment. I can give you the number. There won't be any pressure to start going to church there or anything. Trust me here. Don't keep going through all this without getting help. It can effect every other part of your life.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Erin Gutierrez September 22 at 10:05am
My first instinct was to talk to him because I know how much respect Stephen had for him, but I was too scared to. I still am.....but I might go anyway. Thank you again!

Kenny September 22 at 10:47am
Call and talk to Melissa his wife. 664-4027. No reason to be scared. I'm serious. Do it. Now I'm pressuring you. Sorry
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Erin Gutierrez September 22 at 11:09am
LOL it's OK....what am I supposed to tell her?

Kenny September 22 at 11:59am
Just tell her you want to schedule an appointment. If she asks what for tell her counseling and tell her you were friends with Stephen.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Erin Gutierrez September 22 at 12:09pm
OK I think I will...thank you

Kenny September 22 at 8:29pm
Did you call?
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Erin Gutierrez September 23 at 7:43am
No yet...I am going to do it today!

So......there it is. The story of how I ended up back where I first started. I don't know if its coincidence or Stephen guiding me back to the pastor he loved and respected so very much. I know that Brother Wess was like a father to Stephen and that Brother Wess helped Stephen through many things. May this is what I am supposed to be doing...... I am going to give it a try. I will call today at lunch..Wish me luck!

Whats Happening to me?

2009-09-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

So.....it's be good and bad for me lately. I have been putting forth a very strong effort to do more with my friends, and family. It does make me extremly happy to be with the ones I love. It's still rough though. Like this morning.......I was at work looking out the window thinking of my friend Steven Hull and his family and everything they must be going through right now with the passing of his father on Friday night. It kills me to think of his pain.....=(
And this weekend...... I was thinking how strange it is how this world is filled with so many wonderful and beautiful things........but also so many terrible and horrible things. I really think I am starting to lose my mind. I think about Stephen constantly. How much it hurts.....how much I miss him.....I just can't let go......I can't make myself realize that hes gone. I know he is gone.....dead....passed....I know......and I have to tell myself that CONSTANTLY, and its making me a little bit crazy. I really think I am losing it........I am pretty sure I need professional help. I don't know what I should do. I feel like I died with Stephen.
My life is falling completely apart.....I don't really care about anything anymore. I do whatever people tell me to, or what I think people want me to do. I do what I think they want and say what I think they want to hear. The truth is I just don't care anymore. I have no motivation to move on with my career.....to have kids.......to buy a house....to save money......I just don't care. I feel like I am jus waiting around to die. I hate my life, and who I have become.

A weekend with my grandparents..........

2009-09-21T07:52:00.002-05:00

I spent this past weekend with my grandparent's Maw and Paw. We started off Friday night where my grandmother made us grill cheese sandwhiches (she makes the very best) LOL. Then we went to BINGO in Denham Springs. We had a good time.
Saturday morning we got up and drove to downtown Baton Rouge to visit the Farmer's Market. It was very nice! I have lots of great pictures from there! Then we walked across the street to the Old Catholic Church to take pictures (will post soon.) We then headed to the Casino for lunch and gambeling (they are true Catholics) LOL!!! After a very fun and tiring day we finally headed back to their house. I took some video on the way back and once we got there.
Enjoy! =)

Leandro's Beer

2009-09-18T11:15:00.002-05:00

I was testing out the video feature on my new Iphone 3GS Woo Woo. This is Leandro getting excited about the new beer released by Sierra Neveda called Torpeedo LOL
Enjoy!

Going to bat for Stephen!

2009-09-11T07:26:00.004-05:00

So, today is Krystal's Birthday! Every year I am reminding Stephen......(don't forget to call Krystal!) LOL I miss him so much! I have to say that today is really only the second day that I have felt like myself since his passing. I still think of him every single day! I hope I will do that forever. Sometimes when I think of him i get really sad and other times i start laughing and smiling.

Even though he is not physically here for me to tell him this......I just want to say I got his back! I will go to bat for him, and do what I need to do! I miss him so much!

One of the hardest things for me is finding new music. It was something that I seeked constantly. It was like a game between me, Leandro and Stephen. We would all search and search for great talent in music and get together and talk about it over wine and beer. I think this is something I miss the most. Every time I hear a new band or song that I love so much I instantly think of him and all of the sudden I feel extremely anxious because I can't call him up and tell him. I used to look forward to our little get together.

We used to talk about the sound track to our lives....... What music would be on our life soundtracks. I think we all agreed that the entire Abby Road album would be on there lol.

But me and Stephen.......we both said this song.....would be on ours:

JUST A DAY IN THE LIFE....

4 Months...

Two Weeks Off = DIY!

A Sunday Kind of Love...... A BBQ Sunday

Home

Adele

Gravity

That's Life :D

Sometime

Smaller Numbers

Always early.....

Blogging on a plane and the world’s largest motherboard!!! tehehehe

The Martha Stewart Show

Hi Ho Hi Ho off to work I go......

Happy New Year!

Christmas in the Country....

That Spirit of Christmas....

A Steamy Cup of Coffee....and a blog

Stocking up......

Today's events....

Job Interview...

Happy 28th Birthday Stephen!

A Relaxing Bath....

Drumroll please...........*****BIG NEWS*****

Post-Op Friday

Christmas Memories

Baby it's Cold Outside.......

Need to Vent......

Random Thoughts.....

Two Points for Honesty!

Falling Head Over Hills for the Fall Season!!!!

Home again.....

The soundtrack of your life....

Portland, Maine...

In New York....where dreams are made of...

You were always on my mind....

New York New York!!!!!!!!!

I've got the world on a string.........

I'm doing it for me.........Cha Cha Changes!! VSG!

Good Riddance!!!!

Whoop Whoop Wee.... Happy Birthday to me........

The Lay Off :(

1 year ago today............

Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha Cha-nges.........

Happy 3rd Anniversary!

A Suprise from Maw and Paw :)

The Circus ....

A Night Out to the Ballet.....

The D Word!

The Brave Little Toaster.....

Flowers at work....

A Weak Moment .....

When you think Tim McGraw......

Ugh....Don't let the bed bugs bite???

My Pharmacophobia

Watch Closely Now.........

Memories....Mother's Day Part 2

Mother's Day......

Fueding Friends From the Middle Child's Perspective......

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.......

A Mother Daughter Heart to Heart......

Man what a Jerk!!!

A Lonesome Cake....

My Timothy.....My Love!!!

The Jester

Partys and Cakes and Kids Oh My!

Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Tickets Tickets Tickets!!!!! F tha Po-Lice LOL

Imma Gone to Jackson........

My Junk Room!

A Fabulously Fun Weekend!

A Evening at the Park/Weekend Plans......

Crawfish time!

Time for some Fishing!!!!!

Our Little Lake Path........

MoMo's 80th Birthday Party

Que Sera Sera.........

Somewhere Over The Rainbow......

Hot Mulled Apple Cider........ =)

Memory Retro Lane ..........

Drumroll please...........BIG NEWS